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I had it so carefully planned out....


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Last week my manager comes and tells me my appraisal/performance review is due. shit. I panic. she calms me. I manage to think about it enough to consider it might be prudent to get this through with while I'm stable on 75mg efexor, before the great discontinuation day-in 7 days time.....

Also, I think, I've just recently seen the Occupational Health dr, as refered to by my manager, and said manager has been much more sensitive and not in my face about stuff since she got the letter from OH. So things can't be that bad.

I successfully manage to schedule the appraisal meeting for this Thursday, and spend an hour in work time on Sunday filling in the form, and feeling pretty good about it.

Yesterday I go into work and am preparing for the Tuesday afternoon children's reading support group that I run, and my manager comes in and tells me that something else has come up and our Thursday's meeting will have to be cancelled.

Shit.shit.shit.  ;)

In a week's time I will be off efexor and I have no idea how my body and mind will react and respond....in the short term I anticipate crying spells, anxiety and panic attacks, nauseous feelings, possible sickness, shaking, mood swings, and awful jaw clenching......which will hopefully subside.

Which alternatively will hopefully not happen, and if they do, will be mild. But its better to be prepared.

None of aforementioned states is conducive to conducting important meetings, especially appraisal.

Plus there's massive restructuring happening in May and I'm shit scared of them moving me or mucking with my hours and making it stressful to get to therapy etc. I NEED stability and I need to get my perspective across now.

Any ideas?

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Last week my manager comes and tells me my appraisal/performance review is due. shit. I panic. she calms me. I manage to think about it enough to consider it might be prudent to get this through with while I'm stable on 75mg efexor, before the great discontinuation day-in 7 days time.....

...

Any ideas?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Why are you going off Effexor now? It seems like on many levels you are making some breakthroughs and finding some peace of mind...why are you disrupting your delicate chemical balance at this time, e.g., when you are stable?

Sorry if you've already addressed this question, I've been pretty busy and haven't been able to keep up with the boards as closely...

S9

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no, its a good question...one I am asking myself. and will ask my GP when I see her on Friday......

The answer is that I am coming off it because my pdoc says so.......although he did mention that we'd see how the reduction went. Hmm then I don't get to see him for 3 months.....the NHS...go figure.....

The thing is, with all the work in therapy, I am currently far more stable on my current med combo than I ever was with 150mg efexor, even with both that and remeron......

I might ask my GP if I can stay on 75mg and let me become steadily stable before discontinuing....we'll see....

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no, its a good question...one I am asking myself. and will ask my GP when I see her on Friday......

The answer is that I am coming off it because my pdoc says so.......although he did mention that we'd see how the reduction went. Hmm then I don't get to see him for 3 months.....the NHS...go figure.....

The thing is, with all the work in therapy, I am currently far more stable on my current med combo than I ever was with 150mg efexor, even with both that and remeron......

I might ask my GP if I can stay on 75mg and let me become steadily stable before discontinuing....we'll see....

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yeah, especially while you are ACTIVELY probing and dealing with PTSD-related stuff. Seems imprudent to mess with anything, until you are actually through some of these feelings, revelations, etc., and have had time for processing and assimilation. I ain't no doctor, but it seems like you're pretty stable AND dealing with difficult therapy issues. Why mess with your meds now? That could really throw a wrench into things.

Be sure to explain to you GP how *deep* you've been getting in therapy, and that "it's all good," but it's also all HEAVY. You need time to process. Not to be suggestable, but a major depressive episode where you're at in therapy now, would really suck. IMO! Only...my opinion...based on my experience.

Like Cerberus said, you'll never lose the gift of your true self, but that doesn't mean the waters don't get rough and we can lose sight of what we've found. If that makes any sense??

Over here we yanks say, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it," and that's the sense I get with you, your process and your meds. You seem to be doing exceptionally well and your therapy is moving along, so why mess with the current balance? Have you discussed it with your therapist?

Let us know how Friday goes with doc.

S9

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thanks S9....I am really touched by your words and thoughts.

yes, I'm going waaay deep....did I mention Monday night's dream? underground tunnel, noone ever had been down, neglected and desolate?.....

I haven't discussed the med thing with my therapist....only how worried I am about coming off it and wanted to be prepared.....

You are very wise...

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thanks S9....I am really touched by your words and thoughts.

yes, I'm going waaay deep....did I mention Monday night's dream? underground tunnel, noone ever had been down, neglected and desolate?.....

I haven't discussed the med thing with my therapist....only how worried I am about coming off it and wanted to be prepared.....

You are very wise...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Well, thanks, but I have experience in this area...if I learn from it I guess you could call it wisdom... ;)

Let us know how you make out on Friday with doc and if you see therapist sooner. Your therapist can maybe back you up if someone were to insist you stay on a discontinuation schedule, though that seems very unlikely someone would insist. But the I don't know your medical system. Ours has it's own way of sucking that is hard enough for me to understand...!

Hugs,

S9

p.s. I've never been much into dream interpretation, prefering the "dreams are dreams" mentality, knowing it is my unconcious mind working through stuff my conscious mind can't. Some of them can be pretty freaky though! But if your therapist is talking about your shadow side, he/she is no doubt Jungian in training and philosphy and can probably give you insight.

When I went through incest recovery in my late 20's, my therapist happened to be Jungian. We would talk about my dreams, and I would be so confused. The only thing I learned about dreams from her was that the only one's that were truly significant in terms of what my *self* was trying to tell my *self* were the recurring dreams. I had a few back then that were bothersome. I had a few recurring dreams after Bradley (my husband) died...but most days I look at my dreams as just dreams. The wild ride of my unconscious mind, and a lot of the times they are entertaining.

Sometimes they're pretty sad. Always in vivid color and motion (movie type). I was once told not everyone dreams or thinks in moving pictures. I always have...<shrug>

Psych 101 had me that the mind is a vast a powerful thing I would never understand. I did go on to study it further, but I didn't learn much more than that--if you know what I mean. So many unknowns. I don't know if it's apathy or acceptance and I don't care which (does that answer my question?), but I've learned to just shrug and say, "wow, that crazy brain of mine!" I'm smart with wicked imagination as are most MI folks I think. If these boards are a random sampling, I think we can draw some pretty hard unscientific conclusions about that hypothesis!

Anyway, rambling on...now, in my jammies still, I have to run out to the store.  :)

Hang in there...

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