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ShemJawn

What is wrong with me ?! - Homicidal ideation + hearing voices

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Hi !

I've been diagnosed with BPD, but I have symptoms that are not those of someone with BPD and it's freaking me out.

I was 13 when I first heard voices telling me to self harm and kill myself.

They disappeared for about 3 years, and now they're back, telling me the same things as before, plus telling me everybody lies to me and wants to leave me.

I also experienced homicidal ideation, it stopped and it's coming back, but stronger than before. Like I have plans in my head and if I stay close to people I panic and get tense because I fear I might act on these thoughts. I have to mention I have those thoughts only with people I love and care about (partner, best friends.)

 

I just don't know what to think about it. I told my therapist about these two things.

Tell me if you have BPD and those 2 symptoms too.

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2 hours ago, ShemJawn said:

Hi !

I've been diagnosed with BPD, but I have symptoms that are not those of someone with BPD and it's freaking me out.

I was 13 when I first heard voices telling me to self harm and kill myself.

They disappeared for about 3 years, and now they're back, telling me the same things as before, plus telling me everybody lies to me and wants to leave me.

I also experienced homicidal ideation, it stopped and it's coming back, but stronger than before. Like I have plans in my head and if I stay close to people I panic and get tense because I fear I might act on these thoughts. I have to mention I have those thoughts only with people I love and care about (partner, best friends.)

 

I just don't know what to think about it. I told my therapist about these two things.

Tell me if you have BPD and those 2 symptoms too.

What did your therapist say?

It sounds like a symptom you shouldn't just wait on to go away.

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I hear voices too, and am diagnosed with BPD. But I'm also diagnosed with Schizophrenia. I would really talk to your therapist or psychiatrist about these symptoms.

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12 hours ago, wookie said:

What did your therapist say?

It sounds like a symptom you shouldn't just wait on to go away.

Well, I told him by email, so we didn't really talk about it, but he told me he'll give me meds (I stopped taking them on my own), and he gave me 2 appointments this week instead of 1.

He also said that we never really talked about this period of my life (13yo) and that we're gonna talk about it on monday.

 

12 hours ago, Fur said:

I hear voices too, and am diagnosed with BPD. But I'm also diagnosed with Schizophrenia. I would really talk to your therapist or psychiatrist about these symptoms.

The thing is, I don't think I have these symptoms often enough to have Schizophrenia... But it may be a possibility.

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1 hour ago, ShemJawn said:

Well, I told him by email, so we didn't really talk about it, but he told me he'll give me meds (I stopped taking them on my own), and he gave me 2 appointments this week instead of 1.

He also said that we never really talked about this period of my life (13yo) and that we're gonna talk about it on monday.

 

The thing is, I don't think I have these symptoms often enough to have Schizophrenia... But it may be a possibility.

Yes, not to say you are Schizophrenic, that's just what happened to me. Everyone is different. I've heard of people with just BPD hearing voices as well. Especially in times of high stress. My psychiatrist says it's usually at any point even without stress that it's likely to not be just the BPD, but she could be wrong. Again, the best option is to talk to your doctors :)

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I've been diagnosed with BPD and have had chronic suicidal ideation for years, but never in the form of voices telling me? I have heard of people with BPD hearing voices though. Sorry, this is more commiseration than helpful. I hope your appointments went well and you were able to get more clarity.

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I have homicidal ideation all the time, but it's always thoughts of killing people in self defense so it doesn't really bother me.

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On 01/07/2017 at 0:56 AM, ananke said:

I've been diagnosed with BPD and have had chronic suicidal ideation for years, but never in the form of voices telling me? I have heard of people with BPD hearing voices though. Sorry, this is more commiseration than helpful. I hope your appointments went well and you were able to get more clarity.

Thank you for your reply :)

My appointments went well (a bit stressful but it was okay), and as the voices are 50% inside of my head and 50% from the outside, he told me it wasn't Schizophrenia.

On 01/07/2017 at 9:30 AM, nestor said:

I have homicidal ideation all the time, but it's always thoughts of killing people in self defense so it doesn't really bother me.

Thanks for sharing your experience, I hope it will never make you feel too bad.

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Glad you were able to see your doc and that it sounded useful. Yeah apparently hearing voices with BPD is pretty common

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