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I just met a great guy, who told me he's slightly attracted to men. He's been with men but prefers to be in relationships with women.

He's talked about having a threesome with a man and then a woman too. I'm very open and accepting, but this is new to me and would like some advice please ;) 

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Hi,

I like a bisexual man as well, who I'm pretty sure would also be interested in the same thing, so I'm in a similar place to you.

I guess it's all about knowing where you are in your relationship, working out what both of you are happy with and what could potentially go wrong/where jealousy could arise.  I'm sure you'll get a proper reply soon x

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It's nice to know you can relate.

As time goes on, I'm seeing that he is the most loving, sensitive man I have ever been with. I am falling more in love with him each day. He helps to soften my insecurities as well. I feel very lucky to have him!

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I'm bi myself.  I've never had a threesome nor is that something I would need with the way my life is, but I get where he's probably coming from.  He's probably wanting this because he's never been with a guy before.  Since I've already been with both on separate occasions, I wouldn't have to experience the gender other than whoever I'm with (single nowadays and have been getting rejected by both sexes for quite a while now, which is just great... pretty damn depressing actually).  

At this point in his life sex with a guy isn't something he's experienced and he feels he has to.  However, it could bring up jealousy and difficulties you're not yet aware of.  Never been in the position of needing a threesome or having one but I could imagine it would be difficult to avoid jealousy and changes in the relationship.

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deeschmee -

There's no reason to be particularly concerned that your new boyfriend is bisexual, especially as he's open with you about it. Beginning with the Kinsey studies, science on human sexuality since the '70s has recognized that individual human sexual orientation lies along a curve rather than in hard-and-fast categories. Very few people are absolutely straight or absolutely gay in that they would never, ever, ever, ever suddenly find themselves attracted to a person of the same gender under the right circumstances. If such people represent the extremes of the bell curve, those who are truly go-either-way bisexual represent a narrow band right in the middle, with everyone else (minus the asexuals) spreading out on either side.

I'm bi, and I've been with way more men than women, but I'm pretty sure I would choose a woman for relationship material just about every time. I married one, and although it didn't end as I would have hoped, I still believe I would be happier with a woman. I could have fallen for a guy if I had let myself, but I knew it wouldn't have worked. In general, men are good when I need to scratch an itch, and the nice thing is that the motivation is almost always mutual. But I made it my policy not to do threesomes with committed couples, and never to do threesomes with a married man and wife.

The thing I would counsel you on is to work on building a one-to-one relationship with this man first, before you agree to any adventuring. If you think you could be on board with sharing your private time with a third person at some point, it's okay to let him know that, but I would suggest that you explain that for the time being you want to explore the wonders of the number Two. Once you have developed a bond that can't be threatened by some mutual fun (with agreed-upon boundaries) then maybe you can explore a little farther afield. For now, though, I'm sure that the old wives' adage at least partly applies - If you've got hold of him and you want to keep him, don't give him any time or reason to look anywhere else - turn up the VaVaVoom.

Nudge-nudge-wink-wink, say no more. ^_^

 

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15 hours ago, Cerberus said:

The thing I would counsel you on is to work on building a one-to-one relationship with this man first, before you agree to any adventuring.

I've never had any threesomes, so I can't really comment for sure that this is bad advice.  However, building a relationship with the guy that you'll be having a threesome with sounds like it may make the whole situation more likely to create jealousy.  Perhaps, OP's boyfriend or OP may begin to become attached to the guy in a romantic sort of way.  If the guy were someone who you OP and OP's boyfriend didn't know that well or have much emotional connection with, it seems relatively unlikely that this would happen.

Edited by Steve223

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Steve223 - I think you misunderstand both the OP's original post and my reply. If you re-read the original post, deeschmee's perspective boyfriend has not only explained to her that he is bi, but has explained that he has experience with men. Your first reply in this thread assumed that he did not and had a need to experiment.

My reply to the OP, while not altogether discouraging the possibility of romantic adventuring at some point in the future if the couple feels secure enough in their relationship at that point to include it in their lifestyle, did counsel avoiding it until the one-on-one relationship had been very firmly established. Then, once a sufficient level of love, trust and confidence is established, another person might be occasionally included if desired... with boundaries understood by all parties.

I have had enough threesomes (and moresomes) to know whereof I speak on this.

Edited by Cerberus
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Haha, @Cerberus is the best. I second all of that. I'm bi and have been in some threesomes and moresomes, but never with my partners, just when I was single. I sort of ended up coming between a couple (pun intended), which sucked. It put me in a really awkward position. (Damnit, I'm on fire with the sex jokes tonight.) Try not to choose someone you're good friends with. They might end up falling for you. 

Edited by heilmania

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I ABSOLUTELY love all your responses!!! I feel so much better now.

HOWEVER! He turned ou to have quite the temper so I told him to hit the road....:( 

Single again

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