12kirby12 Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 My best friend/roommate found out I cut myself about a year-and-a-half ago and tried to get me to stop (long story, I basically got black-out drunk and she found the cuts while helping me into bed). I hid it from her for maybe a year afterwards. Well, a couple days ago, she walked in on me organizing my first-aid supplies and tools and put two and two together. She confronted me and asked me to stop. I told her I've been trying and I'm still trying. She told me to text or call her the next time I want to. My dilemma is we both have anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts, so I don't want to make her worse with my problems. I'm so mad at myself for getting caught again. She threatened to throw my stuff away, but finally said she wouldn't if I promised to try to stop. It's so hard when that voice gets louder and tells you you're a failure and your best friend is going to leave you because of your issues. So, long story short, do y'all have any tips to help the urges at least calm? Thank you in advance, everyone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
birdonawire Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 Hi Kirby, If it was me, I would sit her down and ask her if she's going to feel more stressed out because she's worried that I'm going to cut or if she knows that I'm thinking about cutting? And then whichever answer she gives you just go with that and don't overthink it. I'd say that I was sorry that she found your stash, but maybe her finding it is going to help you get through when the voices are a little too loud and you feel the urge. ^My opinion only^ >^^< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heilmania Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 I second what @birdonawire commented. All of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ion Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 That's a difficult situation. When I was SIing, it really bothered my partner, so I can imagine your friend worries about you. I can also say that in my experience with my partner and I both have mental health issues that we worry about each other, but times that I am having urges don't really cause his mental health to get worse and the same for me when he's feeling suicidal. I think rather than assuming you'll make things worse for her by talking about it you need to ask. I think that the fear of losing her over this is likely to make things harder, rather than less hard. It may help both of you to talk about it more when you're both in a sort of okay-ish place. I think that it's likely that the more open you two can be about it, the easier it may get on both sides. As for coping skills, I've found that when I have urges, having some company helps even if we don't talk about anything related to the urges. I can't say I ever had much finesse about my coping skills. Have you tried substitutions like drawing on yourself instead? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
birdonawire Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 8 minutes ago, heilmania said: I second what @birdonawire commented. All of it. Thank you heilmania 9 minutes ago, Ion said: That's a difficult situation. When I was SIing, it really bothered my partner, so I can imagine your friend worries about you. I can also say that in my experience with my partner and I both have mental health issues that we worry about each other, but times that I am having urges don't really cause his mental health to get worse and the same for me when he's feeling suicidal. I think rather than assuming you'll make things worse for her by talking about it you need to ask. I think that the fear of losing her over this is likely to make things harder, rather than less hard. It may help both of you to talk about it more when you're both in a sort of okay-ish place. I think that it's likely that the more open you two can be about it, the easier it may get on both sides. As for coping skills, I've found that when I have urges, having some company helps even if we don't talk about anything related to the urges. I can't say I ever had much finesse about my coping skills. Have you tried substitutions like drawing on yourself instead? Nicely said 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
12kirby12 Posted July 22, 2017 Author Share Posted July 22, 2017 2 hours ago, Ion said: As for coping skills, I've found that when I have urges, having some company helps even if we don't talk about anything related to the urges. I can't say I ever had much finesse about my coping skills. Have you tried substitutions like drawing on yourself instead? I've found that cold really help a lot when I'm really fighting the urges away. Ice cubes help if I squeeze them between my hands or hold them at the pulse points of my wrists, but that's not really something I can do in public. I haven't tried drawing positive things on myself (I used to write hateful things in Sharpie, but she found that the same night as the scars, so I stopped that after a few weeks). I've heard of the Butterfly Project, so I may try that if nothing else helps. I really need to sit down with her and talk about it, but I'm not really one to talk about how I'm feeling. I'll post more once I get signal. Thank you to everyone who's helping me. It took a long time to gather the courage to post on here. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
birdonawire Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 4 hours ago, 12kirby12 said: I've found that cold really help a lot when I'm really fighting the urges away. Ice cubes help if I squeeze them between my hands or hold them at the pulse points of my wrists, but that's not really something I can do in public. I haven't tried drawing positive things on myself (I used to write hateful things in Sharpie, but she found that the same night as the scars, so I stopped that after a few weeks). I've heard of the Butterfly Project, so I may try that if nothing else helps. I really need to sit down with her and talk about it, but I'm not really one to talk about how I'm feeling. I'll post more once I get signal. Thank you to everyone who's helping me. It took a long time to gather the courage to post on here. I'm proud of you! You posted even though you're afraid. That's big ?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ion Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 11 hours ago, 12kirby12 said: I've found that cold really help a lot when I'm really fighting the urges away. Ice cubes help if I squeeze them between my hands or hold them at the pulse points of my wrists, but that's not really something I can do in public. One thing I tried that worked in public was a sea-sickness wristband. It put pressure on my wrist and I found that helped some. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
12kirby12 Posted July 26, 2017 Author Share Posted July 26, 2017 I haven't thought about putting pressure on my wrist before. That may be something to look into. I have done the rubber band thing, but I kept snapping them and they kept breaking, so I quit. And thank you, birdonawire for your kind words! Those words of encouragment really mean a lot to me. My roommate wrote words of encouragement on my legs in Sharpie and it meant the world that she would do that for me. Thank y'all again for the advice. I really do appreciate it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heilmania Posted July 26, 2017 Share Posted July 26, 2017 Just now, 12kirby12 said: I have done the rubber band thing, but I kept snapping them and they kept breaking, so I quit. What about ponytail holders? They come in thin, round forms, flat ones, big thick round ones, and probably more shapes. Many fit well around the wrist. Just don't fall asleep with a tight one on. They would be a duller pain than actually snapping a rubber band against the wrist, too, which is good imo, because the sting of rubber bands snapping against your wrist is just another way to elicit actual pain and is too close to self-harming. I think it kind of is self-harming. But ponytail holders are rubber surrounded by thread/fabric/some sort of textile, and so they really don't hurt much at all, but may be something to focus on other than actual SI. Idk if that would work for you at all, but it's something I've thought of. I SI very infrequently- at my worst it was every couple weeks, and now it's every couple months- so I haven't tried many methods, but it sounds like a better idea than rubber bands that break. On July 21, 2017 at 10:10 PM, 12kirby12 said: It took a long time to gather the courage to post on here. I'm really glad you did! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetlysinister Posted July 26, 2017 Share Posted July 26, 2017 Well I had the same problem come up in my own life. The only thing you can do is sit her down an explain how you feel . Now as for the self harm it's gonna be a hard addiction to beat but I would start by throwing anything away that you could use and making an appointment with a threapist asap . The only thing that helped me stop was to play sad music and sit in a cold shower for as long as I need to help it pass or I will take a walk and cry like a crazy person until I was empty . But I also take medication to help stop the racing thoughts. That made me self harm . Best of luck love Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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