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Hospital rebound?


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I just left hospital yesterday but I'm having suicidal thoughts and plans all over again. Anyone else experience a kind of rebound when they leave hospital? Should I go back or try to cope on the outside?

 

Also, please move thread as needed.

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I left the hospital stable on lithium and 7.5 mgs zyprexa. Within a days I stopped sleeping. Within a few months I was up to 30 mgs of zyprexa and 600 more of lithium. I think it's because the hospital can't simulate real life stress and energy, and so the symptoms creep back

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Aura, if you feel really unsafe, go back.

At this point, you need rest. In the hospital you didn't have to worry or make decisions. Now you feel the pressures of the world settling in on you again and it's stressing you out. Try to relax and rest. 

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Talked to tdoc today. She wants me back in hospital. We're talking again in 2 hours and if I still sound bad it's hospital I go. I'm so upset about this. I'll miss my grandma's funeral. :(

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When is your grandma's funeral? (My condolences btw). Maybe could you go after it? Or do they let you have a sort of "furlough" ? Where you can be outpatient for the funeral just for that time period and have to go back to hospital thereafter? I wish you the best and I hope you recover safely. We are pulling for you!

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My hospital stays were certainly an eye-opening experience. Never again. 

Was escorted there by family twice during episodes of hyper anxiety and stress induced manic episodes. 

For me, the hell of medications that i landed in after being released became far worse than the illness. I completely lost my identity in a hazy fog of whatever chemicals of the day were scribbled on the prescription sheet. So many side undesirable effects. 

After trying endless variations of the wonderdrugs of the time, I eventually decided to walk away and do what i seem to do best. Burn that bridge with all the rest.

Now I hide in the closet of enlightened anonymity, lost in my own tiny fantasy world, leaving those -very- few people in my real life who know nothing about my diagnosis to think.. "something is a little odd". If they only knew..

I stopped fighting the affliction and learned to accept it while making a much more focused effort to avoid environmental influences or people that tend to provoke myself to spiral in undesirable ways. 

My 'new' occupation became my salvation. Lots of intense focus and responsibility to maintain productivity. Sobriety is mandatory. I'm still as crazy as ever.. but, i bounce around, and i am never around long enough for anybody i deal with to put the entire puzzle together. Ample time to get lost in music and thinking all the crazy thoughts through without distraction. After putting a withdrawal limit on my ATM card, the job pays well enough that the manic stupidity no longer interferes with my ability to survive. 

At my age, looking back on it all.. I don't know how I am still breathing. Live, learn, accept, adapt.. and hope for the best. 

 

 

 

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