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PsychoticSpazzDude

I'm a disgraceful Being

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I burn my legs alot on top of my thigh to make sure no one will look there at it. I thought I was done hurting myself but then I started again it has been almost years that I don't hurt myself. I can't do anything right at all.I rarely have time to smile most of the times. I can be a emotional rollercoaster. My mental disorders are such tough time time to deal with. I have schoziaffective disorder and other troubles. I can't stop doing it. I am hurting badly but oh well like anyone would care and to write a letter on this messenge. Not that anyone would care.

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Hi there, and welcome to CB.

When you post anything that may be triggering in the future, please be sure to include a "trigger warning" in the subject line. I've added a Trigger Warning tag to this post. Please refer to our guidelines for posting on the self-harm board: 

In reference to your post, yes, people do care. I applaud you for stopping injuring yourself before, and I hope you can get to that place again soon. I'm sorry you're hurting. Please take care of any wounds you have.

But yeah, you'll find loads of other people here who struggle with mental illnesses of every flavor- I, personally, have been diagnosed with ADD, Depression, Anxiety and Psychosis (hallucinations). Have fun poking around the other boards and getting to know us! And while you're at it, let us get to know you:

http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php?/forum/61-introductions-who-the-hell-are-you/

Sending good vibes your way.

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I care, too. Going for so long without SIing is a big accomplishment, and that still counts even though you SIed again.

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Do you really think that someone who makes a few errors deserves to be burned? That is ultra extreme. I don't even know you and I can tell you don't deserve it. You just don't. Apart from anything else, if you genuinely did deserve it, you wouldn't take so much care to hide it from everyone, would you? 

What exactly do you think you're doing wrong anyway? You can only do what is within your capability, and anyone who expects you to be some kind of  smooth 100% perfect James Bond figure is just being dumb. The average normal person screws things up all day every day and they don't even care, so unless you're deliberately running over people's dogs then probably you're doing just fine. Think of all the times other people screwed up at the bank, or at work, and you didn't think they deserved to be burned. 

At the moment it must seem like things are never going to get better. I know that feeling. It took me 20 years of HARD work for a little sliver of ok-ness to appear - but the point is, it did happen eventually, and it was worth the wait, and it only came through when I let go of keeping score of hat things I got right or wrong (which was NOT easy).
Your wellbeing is more important than whether you feel like you deserve this or that punishment. Nobody apart from you is keeping score. Anything that makes you feel strong and worthwhile and at peace is valuable even if you don't yet understand how you deserve it.

 

The last time you felt like you were maybe doing ok, and the world was maybe an ok place, what were you doing

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