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I am at a point where life doesnt need to keep going for me. I cant fight this the rest of my life and I think I shouldnt have to. Med after med and on and on and nothing stays stable. Why is it that we have to keep going. I want it to be over and my fight is gone, I cant keep afloat. 

What more can I take. 

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If you're feeling like whale shit on the bottom of the ocean, and are contemplating suicide, you really need to talk to someone. Not tomorrow, not making an appointment with your PDoc for a few weeks, you need to do it now. There is nothing wrong with how you feel and I lend an empathetic ear as I've been there myself, but talking to someone is the best thing you can do. You've reached out here which is a great first step, now it's time to put the other foot forward.

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Hi,  eye.  I'm sorry you feel so awful.  I can empathize. I agree with the advice to talk to a professional. And maybe try to look at getting through the next few minutes rather than thinking about your whole life right now. 

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I did see my Tdoc and we talked . I am currently starting a new med and I guess I wanted a miracle for it to make me feel better right now. I know I need to give it sometime but mentally I am not prepared for that. My mood today is a bit better and not so dark. My goal right now is to make it through the weekend. Its just so hard knowing that this is for life and I cant see the end of tunnel with good in it. My fight with depression is non stop. 

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I used to think that way...always looking for the miracle cure...who can blame us? Sometimes the word "stability" is a total joke. I know how hard it is being on the med go round for years, it drains you. But the fact that your wanting help from the new med is a good sign, it means you haven't resigned yourself to misery yet. I'm not going to give you the "it gets better eventually" thing But for me I had to learn to make my goals small, short-sighted, and manageable so that I could just worry about the moment and feel some satisfaction about getting shit done no matter how small. Re adjusting my mind frame like that really helped me to find happiness in places I didn't have before  

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