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I’ve been reading more posts/articles these days (FB, wherever) about the importance of avoiding all “Toxic” people (including people like us, who are depressed, struggling, have trauma etc) Because we’re “energy vampires” and will bring others down, theres no way to help us etc.

These posts are often made by these young, patronizing “health coach” types that promote positive mindset as a solution to all problems. They have thousands of followers. They claim if you are unhappy, you need to just change your environment and thinking and must ruthlessly “follow your passion” no matter what it is. You must "surround yourself with positive, resilient, successful people" because you are the combination of the 5 people you spend most time with.

It made me extremely triggered…I don’t know what the hell my passion is (if I did have one it died over a decade ago), and I don’t understand why can’t I just be positive and happy about my situation, and find what I want in life? I must fully hide all signs of anxiety/depression because it will just drive people away. No one wants to waste effort to support someone struggling.

Anyway what do you think? How do you avoid being discouraged even more by these happy content people who are thriving? How do you ignore it?

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I don't think these people have a single clue on what it is like to have a mental illness. They speak as if they know everything. They don't. Think it is more as ignorance than hatred for people like us who have mental illness. They don't know what they are talking about. Just remember that this isn't everyone and there's a lot of people out there who are willing to give support, you just have to find them.

 

 

 

 

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I agree 100%. I am completely triggered by those posts. They also make me angry.

At work I am reading one of those "super positive" self help books for a class I am taking and it makes me freak the fvck out constantly. 

I was in a cult-like situation at one point and it was full of this positivity crap. Total trigger now.

To help me cope, I remind myself that the simple fact that I am alive is a sign on strength. I also focus on the compassion I have gained.

xo

Edited by theforest
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Is it true that 1 out of 4 people have Mental Illness? I don't understand why if this is true, people like us are still so isolated, stigmatized and alone in this sh*t.

I can't go online anymore, read articles or even on FB, instagram, pinterest with out being bombarded by this "positive thinking" stuff. I cannot avoid it. It's all over the workplace too. It's dehumanizing to me. Sometimes I feel so crazy and damaged...like I'm the only one who thinks this philosophy is a load of BS and these people promoting it are all a bunch of insensitive narcissists. If this is the world we are living in today I don't want to be a part of it. It's hell.

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7 hours ago, Blahblah said:

I’ve been reading more posts/articles these days (FB, wherever) about the importance of avoiding all “Toxic” people (including people like us, who are depressed, struggling, have trauma etc) Because we’re “energy vampires” and will bring others down, theres no way to help us etc.

These posts are often made by these young, patronizing “health coach” types that promote positive mindset as a solution to all problems. They have thousands of followers. They claim if you are unhappy, you need to just change your environment and thinking and must ruthlessly “follow your passion” no matter what it is. You must "surround yourself with positive, resilient, successful people" because you are the combination of the 5 people you spend most time with.

It made me extremely triggered…I don’t know what the hell my passion is (if I did have one it died over a decade ago), and I don’t understand why can’t I just be positive and happy about my situation, and find what I want in life? I must fully hide all signs of anxiety/depression because it will just drive people away. No one wants to waste effort to support someone struggling.

Anyway what do you think? How do you avoid being discouraged even more by these happy content people who are thriving? How do you ignore it?

I had a friend who was super positive about everything and wanted to shove her positivity along with her warped belief system down my throat.  She is a part of a christian cult that promotes that a person have a very positive and friendly approach to others,  which in theory is nice, but they try to bait and switch that with shaming you.

People who seem unsinkable and to thrive happily off others as they suffer are often the ones that are the true vampires.

Edited by wookie
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Oh yeah obviously MI is all my fault because I don't control my thoughts. I've spent a lot of time with those thinkers. I can think positive when I'm doing well but I can get depressed despite my positive thinking so there you go. I hate the blame the victim thinking, it's not helpful. True, CBT as I understand gets you to change self talk, but the whole business of if you stay positive all will be fine is insulting to me. 

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I hadn't come across these articles on FB, but I searched a few. There are people that I try to avoid, but it's not based on mental illness. The majority of my friend group have a mental illness, and spending time with them doesn't depress or exhaust me. Even if they are depressed I almost always get positive things out spending time with them.

I have met people who act in a toxic way. The thing they have in common is a lack of concern for other people. They will make things better for themselves at the expense of other people. I don't know if they have issues with mental illness, but I don't think that completely explains or excuses this behaviour.

There is one last case. There are times when I can't support someone I know who is dealing with a mental illness because I'm in a particularly bad place, or the things I'm trying to do aren't actually helping (especially at times when I am trying to take on too much for another person). We can do things as friends, but sometimes I have to admit that at that time I'm not capable of being a mental health support person for them.

Edited to Add: I admit my limitations to myself and use that info to guide what offers I make to them

Edited by Ion
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My SIL is like this.  She's always modelling the cup-half-full philosophy and it is really annoying.  There's also some kind of religious element to it. 

I believe that we can sometimes influence what happens in our brains to a certain extent but sometimes we can't.  No matter how hard we try or how "positive" we try to be. 

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13 hours ago, Blahblah said:

How do you avoid being discouraged even more by these happy content people who are thriving?

Because I'm not buying what they're selling. If you look at the colossal amount of energy the people you are describing pour into maintaining their happy-happy-happy lives, that tells me that something is actually not well. Any system that requires high levels of any kind of energy to maintain itself cannot do so indefinitely; entropy increases. Indeed, that's the very reason they insist that people who are not like them must be avoided - dealing with unlike people introduces complexity, and therefore, entropy, and causes their system to start breaking down.

It's actually highly susceptible to breaking down, to my way of thinking, because I don't believe we're put on Earth for the purpose of being blissful. We're here to suffer in the crucible of life, have our limitations and imperfections excised away, and thus become greater than we are. These poor people are fighting the process tooth and nail, and I strongly suspect that for each of them there is an unhappiness, a longing, an emptiness, something that they vigorously work to conceal at all costs.

They are more to be pitied than scorned.

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I've survived child abuse, an alcoholic father, a mother with an eating disorder and untreatable depression, unrecognized childhood depression, suicidal ideation that began when I was nine, early onset bipolar disorder (12) that went untreated until I was twenty-seven, a nine-month full-blown mania and the subsequent two years of debilitating depression, years of being mismedicated, over twenty different meds and their side effects, periodic medication fails and resulting episodes, and not finding out that I'm Autistic until I was thirty-nine years old.

Anyone who wants to stand in judgement of me had better get up pretty damned early in the morning.

This is not by any means to play suffering Olympics with anybody here. Everyone here is my clan; we are all equals, and we are stronger than those brittle, ignorant, untested people will ever know or ever be. 

Read my signature and know that I believe what it says: The highest wisdom is kindness. I have no time for anyone who cannot recognize another person's humanity, and part of being human is suffering. 

Blahblah, don't think of yourself as waste or a drain or a burden. There are millions of us, confused and brave and suffering and getting on with our lives. You are not alone.

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My aunt is a therapist. She has a masters in psychology. A few weeks ago, she was on FB basically complaining about people who complain all the time, and how they need to either learn how to solve their problems or shut up about them, preferably both. I have to wonder if that includes people like me. My mother, grandmother, and another aunt all used to work with people with mental illness. They all believe that absolutely nothing is wrong with me except for situational stuff that brings me down, and I am less good at coping with the same depression everyone experiences. In their mind, my random high-energy times are perfectly normal because sometimes they have a day where they accomplish a lot. It's infuriating. I've learned to not involve my grandma and aunts in anything related to MI. I only tell my mom what's going on when I'm going into the hospital and only because I know she'll notice if I'm gone. This last time, I told my grandma I was going camping somewhere without cell reception for a few days. It's sad that I have so little IRL support and none from my own family, all because of that stay-positive attitude. It's asinine.

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On 7/31/2017 at 6:00 AM, Blahblah said:

How do you avoid being discouraged even more by these happy content people who are thriving? How do you ignore it?

I know people who I think are genuinely thriving. They aren't the same happy-happy-always-positive people, though. They are people who are in a good situation, who appreciate it, and who work in various ways to make the world a better place. These people don't discourage me. I'm happy they have good things, and I find them pretty good models of what I want to work toward. Now the happy-happy-always-positive people don't actually seem to be thriving to me. They seem to be frantic and willfully blind. Mostly I just avoid/unfollow them.

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