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Ex keeps calling


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My ex is in town and wants to see me. I said yes I would and expressed all sorts of boundaries but I'm very worried because I don't really want to. I would be fine with never seeing him again. He really stresses me out and I don't feel respected at all.

It's been a year and a half since we ended ten years and I'm so much more content. I feel like I got my life and strength back. I still text him some because I guess I don't have many people to talk to and I get lonely for anybody to talk to, but I always wish I could just not answer the texts or change my number or tell him to get bent. He's recently been given a difficult diagnosis of illness, so I have been trying to be supportive just on a human level, but it has just encouraged him to contact me more frequently. He will not give up.

Any suggestions on how to bring closure on this situation? I sort of hate him, but I am afraid to say the truth to him that I don't want to be in contact at all. I know the simple answer is turn off the phone. Just looking for any thoughts no matter how obscure.

 

 

Edited by paintedsky
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I think cold turkey may be the only way. You are giving your ex mixed messages. 

I'm not saying it's easy.  I know it's not. Maybe pay good attention to your feelings of contentedness that you have without him. 

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This is my input personally, and from my bad experiences in the past, but if you wish to stop communicating with him, at least say you wish to discontinue communication and state reasons why. I've been more heartbroken when people try to let their "silence speak for themselves" without giving any reasons or any affirmative words of closure that "hey this isn't going to work with us" than if someone flat out tells me "I don't want to talk to you anymore because [...], [...], and [...], etc." It's better to hurt someone with the truth than to comfort them with lies, or even worse, with silence.

That's just my 2 cents worth from my own experiences. It's very, very difficult to do, but in the end, both of you will be glad you did it.

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Thank you for your responses. I agree. I'm sending mixed messages, but I wasn't thinking about it like that. This is helpful. I need to find the strength to be honest with him.

Also, I should go 'cold turkey'. I like the idea to focus on how I feel happier. 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by paintedsky
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  • 3 weeks later...

Well I saw him, and it was ok, but I got delusional and had to take meds. Had a difficult few days afterwards. It was hard to sleep cuz he kicked around there's nowhere to sleep but my bed. I asked him to take the floor and he wouldn't. also got sand from the beach everywhere.

It was a bit fun. Summer stuff like swimming and takeout. I was just really stressed the whole time because of the past.. He is very self absorbed and perpetual melancholy because he craves excitement. somehow I think he was even less emotionally supportive than usual. I was pretty much delusional and pacing and not sleeping and having a hard time with hygiene and emotionally crazy and he just ignored me except to kind of glance up from the internet. Oh well I know he is not supportive and that's why I broke up with him.

My dad helped me and helped me drive and remember to take my meds and mum helped me with the dishes and laundry. I wish he would act more concerned because I try to be concerned for him. 

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You wish he would be different but he's not. Cut the cord, put a period, and move on, since that is what you say is what you wanted. You are giving mixed messages and maybe you have mixed feelings, but clearly this isn't good for you. But you expected that, yes?  You're right, cold turkey is most likely best so give that some thought again. 

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  • 2 months later...

This is an old post, but I wanted to express that I really appreciated the help with my trouble. I have been doing much better at trying to be honest with this ex. I'm not sure he will ever get it, but the important part is I think I understand now I am happy with my freedom from his needs. All of your encouragement to be honest and not ever send mixed messages has really helped me move on. So thank you!

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