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How are y'all doing? I'm not going to lie; I started this post after feeling a little dash of loneliness. But after my first counseling appointment at my university today, I just let it all out and I feel much better now that somebody listened. So I want to know, how are y'all coping with day-to-day life? Particularly with your mental conditions.Is it going well? Not really? Why or why not?

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Very depressed right now because my extreme OCD renders me almost housebound......

I think at this point, I feel as if none of my meds are doing much, if anything....I've tried so many now, and nothing has worked.

I find almost no pleasure in anything, and have no motivation to do anything, either....

Someone even has to cook for me and do household chores for me.....Luckily I have 2 great friends who help me out with these things.

I almost never leave my house except to go to doc appts and filling meds, and even when I do leave, someone has to drive me where I need to go.

No, I don't have any suicidal thoughts, just feeling like I'm not really living, only existing.

Sorry, didn't mean for this to turn into a rant--just feeling really down these days.

Edited by CrazyRedhead
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Impatiently waiting to see if yet another increase in my Effexor (plain old venlafaxine in the UK) dosage does the trick in making getting out of bed in the morning slightly less of a gut-wrenching ordeal. Feeling like I should probably make my first post here in the Introduce Yourself bit but dreading the necessary essay. Missing my fiance as ever. Looking forward very much to Autumn, my favourite season.

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On 8/2/2017 at 9:21 AM, CrazyRedhead said:

Very depressed right now because my extreme OCD renders me almost housebound......

I think at this point, I feel as if none of my meds are doing much, if anything....I've tried so many now, and nothing has worked.

I find almost no pleasure in anything, and have no motivation to do anything, either....

Someone even has to cook for me and do household chores for me.....Luckily I have 2 great friends who help me out with these things.

I almost never leave my house except to go to doc appts and filling meds, and even when I do leave, someone has to drive me where I need to go.

No, I don't have any suicidal thoughts, just feeling like I'm not really living, only existing.

Sorry, didn't mean for this to turn into a rant--just feeling really down these days.

 

On 8/2/2017 at 3:59 AM, BrianOCD said:

I've been a bit down, bored with life lately.  Not sure if it's my meds or depression.

 

On 8/3/2017 at 0:09 PM, Baba-Yaga said:

Impatiently waiting to see if yet another increase in my Effexor (plain old venlafaxine in the UK) dosage does the trick in making getting out of bed in the morning slightly less of a gut-wrenching ordeal. Feeling like I should probably make my first post here in the Introduce Yourself bit but dreading the necessary essay. Missing my fiance as ever. Looking forward very much to Autumn, my favourite season.

Hang in there everyone. I have been battling for years. Ive said on here before im about to give up, and just say screw it. But ive got crippling anxiety and depression right now, forced me back home, and my pdoc and tdoc have no answers and want me to see other ppl. SO now im waiting to see other doctors, more waiting , and hoping to see if something works. ITs a constant waiting game with no answers, just years of feeling like hell...............hopefully it gets better

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I'm at the NJ shore feeling really chilly in my bedroom cuz I just got out of the pool and have yet to shower and change.

Also, I wonder why I sleep so much.  It cannot be healthy.  I sure hope going back to college later this month turns things around.  My strongest theory is that boredom is triggering my tiredness.  I could basically fall asleep on any couch, anytime, anywhere.  

I am genuinely excited about having dinner tonight.  i know where we're going.  Ive been there before and the food is superb. 

 

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On 8/9/2017 at 3:07 PM, grab your bag said:

this is the first time in a long time that i'm bored . . not depressed or anxious or hopeless just bored.. so i know i'm doing things worng




 

I'm also bored. I felt anxious earlier but now I feel like I have an overabundance of time.

 

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Hope everyone is doing a little better at least.

I haven't been on here in a year. I'd like to say that that's because the last year has been amazing but it hasn't. I'm still stuck in the exact same frustrating place I was 12 months ago, if not a little worse.

Finances are an issue in my marriage, I need help I cannot afford (psychiatrist) because I cannot work due to my anxiety/depression/other health problem, I can't get help with the health problem because I don't work and cannot afford it (not that they can help anyway, my last specialist told me straight up there's nothing they can do). My anxiety is bad, my depression is bothering me. I feel flat and emotionless and yet miserable all at the same time. I don't think there's a positive bone left in my entire body and I'm exhausted from all of it.

Thanks for listening. I needed to wallow for a moment or 2 with people who get it so I could carry on.

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  • 2 weeks later...

To be honest, I logged on tonight because it feels like I've been slipping the last couple of weeks. I was doing pretty well for about two months and we're starting to consolidate meds, getting ready to taper off some. Now I'm not sure. Some of my GAD symptoms are back and sleep is a mess again.

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1 hour ago, pocketpanda said:

To be honest, I logged on tonight because it feels like I've been slipping the last couple of weeks. I was doing pretty well for about two months and we're starting to consolidate meds, getting ready to taper off some. Now I'm not sure. Some of my GAD symptoms are back and sleep is a mess again.

please call your Pdoc, things arent always smooth. But dont step backwards. You can beat this!

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I'm better today. Last week was horrible. I was depressed and anxious before and then got a chronic disease, which makes it 10 times worse. But I actually had a good day yesterday with it, and I'm hoping for a good day today. 

Hope you are doing well.

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I am on the edge. ..I feel like I could get really anxious or be okay.  I was a little anxious today  but now it's time for bed and I am relieved that I was able to get through the day and avoid major anxiety by using some self-talk .

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I wish this site had an "Empathize" or "Me too" button instead of a "Like this" button.

In other words, I'm like others - struggling mightily with depression despite countless meds & therapies.

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My morning anxiety has hit me out of nowhere. I always have anxiety, but morning anxiety, where you feel crippled with panic as soon as you open your eyes about nothing in particular hits me a few times a year. There's never a reason. It just arrives. Then eventually goes for the same reason it arrived. Exhausting.

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On 02/08/2017 at 2:21 PM, CrazyRedhead said:

Very depressed right now because my extreme OCD renders me almost housebound......

I think at this point, I feel as if none of my meds are doing much, if anything....I've tried so many now, and nothing has worked.

I find almost no pleasure in anything, and have no motivation to do anything, either....

Someone even has to cook for me and do household chores for me.....Luckily I have 2 great friends who help me out with these things.

I almost never leave my house except to go to doc appts and filling meds, and even when I do leave, someone has to drive me where I need to go.

No, I don't have any suicidal thoughts, just feeling like I'm not really living, only existing.

Sorry, didn't mean for this to turn into a rant--just feeling really down these days.

Hi

Can someone close to you help you make a plan to try different treatment options?  I don't want you to be stuck in this state for any longer...  You have the right to have more professional help and to try different medications (if there are any left...)

Is there ANY way you can arrange a change of scenery or something that helps you get a foothold in your recovery?  Something that just takes the pressure off for a second? xxx

 

Edit:  Just seen that this is an old post... how are you doing now?  :)

 

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19 hours ago, theredthread said:

Hi

Can someone close to you help you make a plan to try different treatment options?  I don't want you to be stuck in this state for any longer...  You have the right to have more professional help and to try different medications (if there are any left...)

Is there ANY way you can arrange a change of scenery or something that helps you get a foothold in your recovery?  Something that just takes the pressure off for a second? xxx

 

Edit:  Just seen that this is an old post... how are you doing now?  :)

 

I'm about the same, but thanks for your concern..

My options are limited to a certain degree, by money, because I live on a fixed income...........For instance, I just can't afford any of the newer meds that have recently come out, and my pdoc knows this, so she prescribes me older meds that aren't so expensive.

A newer med MIGHT work for me, but I'll never get the chance to find out.

My pdoc has mentioned ECT, and I realize it has worked well for some people here, but I'm just too scared to try it. ......But then again, I'm scared of just about everything, anyway.

I'm supposed to start therapy with a new therapist this month, so maybe that might help.

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4 hours ago, CrazyRedhead said:

I'm about the same, but thanks for your concern..

My options are limited to a certain degree, by money, because I live on a fixed income...........For instance, I just can't afford any of the newer meds that have recently come out, and my pdoc knows this, so she prescribes me older meds that aren't so expensive.

A newer med MIGHT work for me, but I'll never get the chance to find out.

My pdoc has mentioned ECT, and I realize it has worked well for some people here, but I'm just too scared to try it. ......But then again, I'm scared of just about everything, anyway.

I'm supposed to start therapy with a new therapist this month, so maybe that might help.

Have you looked into patient assistance programs? I got Abilify for 3 or 4 years for free from a patient assistance program from Bristol-Meyers. Now the Abilify program no longer exists since Abilify went generic. But most manufacturers of new drugs have patient assistance programs to receive their meds for low cost or no cost.

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On 9/8/2017 at 3:23 PM, jt07 said:

 But most manufacturers of new drugs have patient assistance programs to receive their meds for low cost or no cost.

Wasn't aware of this.......Do these patient assistance programs help with cost for a limited time, or do they help for as long as you're on the drug?

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43 minutes ago, CrazyRedhead said:

Wasn't aware of this.......Do these patient assistance programs help with cost for a limited time, or do they help for as long as you're on the drug?

Usually until the brand goes generic. For generics (and brands) savings can be had at http://www,goodrx.com

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4 hours ago, CrazyRedhead said:

Wasn't aware of this.......Do these patient assistance programs help with cost for a limited time, or do they help for as long as you're on the drug?

As notloki said, you can receive the meds up until the time the med goes generic. I suppose there are some that continue beyond going generic, but I haven't experienced that.  One caveat though: these patient assistance programs exist for people without insurance or with crappy insurance. They usually aren't available to people on medicaid or medicare. In that case, your best bet is goodrx that notiloke mentioned.

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  • 4 weeks later...
17 minutes ago, Rabbit37 said:

Feeling like I'm starting to spiral downwards. Really shitty life elements that I can't really control. Trying not to plummet. 

I'm sorry, Rabbit. Hope it's just a blip and not a spiral.

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2 hours ago, Blahblah said:

What options will you try next?

1. Stay on current meds longer (give them more time to see if they work, as I have only been at 20 mg Trintellix for 2 weeks and 3 mg Rexulti for 1 week)

2. Clozaril/Clozapine (sort of scared of this option as well, but it's less invasive then ECT)

3. ECT if all else fails

My case manager also mentioned TMS therapy but I'm not too keen on that so I didn't list it as an option. I read it's almost no better then placebo.

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30 minutes ago, surreal said:

1. Stay on current meds longer (give them more time to see if they work, as I have only been at 20 mg Trintellix for 2 weeks and 3 mg Rexulti for 1 week)

2. Clozaril/Clozapine (sort of scared of this option as well, but it's less invasive then ECT)

3. ECT if all else fails

My case manager also mentioned TMS therapy but I'm not too keen on that so I didn't list it as an option. I read it's almost no better then placebo.

If ur still on ad and antipsychotics I’m sure there’s more that haven’t tried!

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20 hours ago, surreal said:

My case manager also mentioned TMS therapy but I'm not too keen on that so I didn't list it as an option. I read it's almost no better then placebo.

I've also read this as well. Apparently it is still super expensive too.

Would you have any access to participate in a new med study or do a trial of Ketamine or something?

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I am feeling rejected.  I am lonely and I hate how I feel right now. I am trying to remind myself that my feelings are temporary but it's hard not to get sucked into the whirling cesspool of depressive thinking. 

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50 minutes ago, amskray said:

I am feeling rejected.  I am lonely and I hate how I feel right now. I am trying to remind myself that my feelings are temporary but it's hard not to get sucked into the whirling cesspool of depressive thinking. 

Why do you fee this way? Remember you are special, you are deserving. I know it’s easy to say. 

 

I myself have been trendung upwar and just came crashing down worse than before. I need to get the bad thoughts out of my own head. I’ll listeb if you need an ear

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Thanks @looking for answers! My brain is trying to pull me down... I  have been doing pretty well lately. I just am amazed at the contrast of feeling good mood-wise snd the entering this feeling state where my brain tells me: CATASTROPHE! GIVE UP!EVERYTHING'S BAD!YOUR LIFE IS WORTHLESS! YOU SHOULD FEEL GUILTY ABOUT EVERYTHING! NO ONE LIKES YOU! PANIC!!!!!

Fuck off,brain!

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27 minutes ago, amskray said:

Thanks @looking for answers! My brain is trying to pull me down... I  have been doing pretty well lately. I just am amazed at the contrast of feeling good mood-wise snd the entering this feeling state where my brain tells me: CATASTROPHE! GIVE UP!EVERYTHING'S BAD!YOUR LIFE IS WORTHLESS! YOU SHOULD FEEL GUILTY ABOUT EVERYTHING! NO ONE LIKES YOU! PANIC!!!!!

Fuck off,brain!

Amen. Mines been the same fucking way

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57 minutes ago, looking for answers said:

Amen. Mines been the same fucking way

Me too! Although I never feel "good" many days I get by and function ok, and I can push away some of the thoughts. Then all Hell breaks loose :-(

I hope you guys get into the "upswing" again soon!

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1 hour ago, mcjimjam said:

I'm feeling very down, alone and hopeless. I start ECT on Monday but I just can't imagine it working, I'm hoping the anaesthetic will just kill me.

Hang in there. So you've been doing TMS? Is it having any effect? You're very courageous to try ect...I feel like a coward because I'm running out of med options too and have been thinking about that for a long time. I'm too afraid. I keep waiting for my illness to change or go away eventually, and of course it never does. Please keep us posted here, wishing you luck and hope things will start to get better.

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12 hours ago, Blahblah said:

Hang in there. So you've been doing TMS? Is it having any effect? You're very courageous to try ect...I feel like a coward because I'm running out of med options too and have been thinking about that for a long time. I'm too afraid. I keep waiting for my illness to change or go away eventually, and of course it never does. Please keep us posted here, wishing you luck and hope things will start to get better.

TMS doesn't seem to be working. I have my last two sessions today. Thanks for your well wishes. ECT doesn't scare me because my life is so ruined by the depression that I have nothing to lose. Continuing as I have been isn't an option. If I don't get better I'm going to take my own life. It just isn't acceptable to me.

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2 hours ago, mcjimjam said:

TMS doesn't seem to be working. I have my last two sessions today. Thanks for your well wishes. ECT doesn't scare me because my life is so ruined by the depression that I have nothing to lose. Continuing as I have been isn't an option. If I don't get better I'm going to take my own life. It just isn't acceptable to me.

Good luck stay safe

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I hurt all over as I had a convulsion day before yesterday. I had not had one in over 5 years and the treatment plan is to go to 3 g a day of Keppra. Then if I still have seizures the plan calls for Depakote, which I would like to avoid.  

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13 minutes ago, notloki said:

I hurt all over as I had a convulsion day before yesterday. I had not had one in over 5 years and the treatment plan is to go to 3 g a day of Keppra. Then if I still have seizures the plan calls for Depakote, which I would like to avoid.  

That sounds horrible, notloki. I hope the Keppra increase works because I don't blame you for wanting to avoid Depakote.

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  • 3 weeks later...
24 minutes ago, grab your bag said:

my brain is not working, I just stare at screens all day and drools (it feels like it)

what to do?

Are you on any meds that could cause this? Did you recently start new meds?

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33 minutes ago, jt07 said:

Are you on any meds that could cause this? Did you recently start new meds?

 hmm No, but I did lowered the Mirtazapine to 7.5, I did a lot better on 30 mg . . and this is what I do when I'm depressed, lying in bed staring at my phone, not functioning

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Feeling calm & clear headed today! No ruminations spiraling into Hell (yet). Only day 2 of Effexor and I already feel like it's doing something. I don't want to believe it and jinx myself, maybe it's placebo effect, but I have never had a med work (positively) within the first 3 days. Usually you just get side effects until about 2 weeks in.

I feel the physical start-up effects (sweaty palms, rigid body, jaw clenching, foot shaking) but my mind feels pleasantly "untethered" .... almost hopeful? I also feel floaty/spacey. I have zoned out into space several times with complete mind blank. But man, this is soooooo much better than being tortured and triggered by worst case scenarios, miserable thoughts all day long. Please send me good vibes that this continues!!!

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1 hour ago, grab your bag said:

 hmm No, but I did lowered the Mirtazapine to 7.5, I did a lot better on 30 mg . . and this is what I do when I'm depressed, lying in bed staring at my phone, not functioning

Maybe see your pdoc and ask about raising the mirtazapine back up to 30 mg? So sorry you are depressed.

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1 hour ago, grab your bag said:

thanks, and how are you doing?

Thanks for asking. I'm suffering a lot physically and that takes a toll on my mental health. Still, I'm doing much better mentally than physically. 

15 minutes ago, looking for answers said:

i somehow lost 3 lbs

Congrats. That should cause you to worry less.

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12 minutes ago, jt07 said:

Thanks for asking. I'm suffering a lot physically and that takes a toll on my mental health. Still, I'm doing much better mentally than physically. 

Congrats. That should cause you to worry less.

Ha a little yes, curious as the dose goes up, but i def don’t wNna be losing , but it’s better than gainig

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Using today to brace myself, the next few days will be difficult. Including chores, and up to painting walls, I have a lot to distract myself, but still. Going to be a crappy week. So, I guess today I'm a bit depressed and slightly disoriented. Voices during the night didn't help. 

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1 hour ago, mcjimjam said:

I'm okay.

It's been quite some time since I've seen you write the words "I'm okay" on here so things must be looking up. I'm glad for you and hope you continue to feel better.

I am feeling depressed this evening. Just awful and rotten,

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I feel awful. 

I was in a car accident two weeks ago. Totaled my car and broke my right/dominant wrist. Insurance won't cover me to drive with a cast on my arm/hand, so I can't get a rental car. I've been taking transit to get to work. I feel very alone and like I'm a burden on my friends, which is only made worse by this injury and my lack of a transportation. My friends live far away (roughly 30 minutes drive, 2.5 hours by transit), and are too busy to come see me. It's fine, I guess. I'm not much fun to hang out with, I don't have much (positive) to say, so I mostly listen to others talk.

My tdoc cancelled my appointment this week because she was sick and then couldn't fit me in later in the week, so it's been almost two weeks since I talked to her. She feels like the only person who cares about me these days because she doesn't change the subject or get uncomfortably silent when I say how I'm feeling. I suck at the phone though, so I haven't called her. I just beat myself up for being alone and only being cared about by people who I pay to care.

IV-ketamine banished my depression entirely for about 6 weeks. It was magical. I have never been a not-depressed adult. I've been sliding downhill for about 6 weeks though and it's worse since the car accident. I'm suicidal again and entertaining regular thoughts of self-harm as well. More IV-ketamine is not an option, for financial reasons (I got it because I'm in a medical trial), and IM-ketamine (which I'm getting through the trial) doesn't seem to have the same effect.

I feel pretty hopeless.

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1 hour ago, Geek said:

I feel awful. 

I was in a car accident two weeks ago. Totaled my car and broke my right/dominant wrist. Insurance won't cover me to drive with a cast on my arm/hand, so I can't get a rental car. I've been taking transit to get to work. I feel very alone and like I'm a burden on my friends, which is only made worse by this injury and my lack of a transportation. My friends live far away (roughly 30 minutes drive, 2.5 hours by transit), and are too busy to come see me. It's fine, I guess. I'm not much fun to hang out with, I don't have much (positive) to say, so I mostly listen to others talk.

My tdoc cancelled my appointment this week because she was sick and then couldn't fit me in later in the week, so it's been almost two weeks since I talked to her. She feels like the only person who cares about me these days because she doesn't change the subject or get uncomfortably silent when I say how I'm feeling. I suck at the phone though, so I haven't called her. I just beat myself up for being alone and only being cared about by people who I pay to care.

IV-ketamine banished my depression entirely for about 6 weeks. It was magical. I have never been a not-depressed adult. I've been sliding downhill for about 6 weeks though and it's worse since the car accident. I'm suicidal again and entertaining regular thoughts of self-harm as well. More IV-ketamine is not an option, for financial reasons (I got it because I'm in a medical trial), and IM-ketamine (which I'm getting through the trial) doesn't seem to have the same effect.

I feel pretty hopeless.

Geek <3

I had to think hard what IM vs IV ketamine would mean. But I finally got it. I'm sorry the IM isn't cutting it. That's awful. To feel that freedom from depression for 6 weeks only to have it ripped away. :( And there is no way they would give you the IV again? I hate to think that they would not give you that if it was working so well. That makes me mad and frustrated for you. Sending love and strength. 

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4 hours ago, Geek said:

I feel awful. 

I was in a car accident two weeks ago. Totaled my car and broke my right/dominant wrist. Insurance won't cover me to drive with a cast on my arm/hand, so I can't get a rental car. I've been taking transit to get to work. I feel very alone and like I'm a burden on my friends, which is only made worse by this injury and my lack of a transportation. My friends live far away (roughly 30 minutes drive, 2.5 hours by transit), and are too busy to come see me. It's fine, I guess. I'm not much fun to hang out with, I don't have much (positive) to say, so I mostly listen to others talk.

My tdoc cancelled my appointment this week because she was sick and then couldn't fit me in later in the week, so it's been almost two weeks since I talked to her. She feels like the only person who cares about me these days because she doesn't change the subject or get uncomfortably silent when I say how I'm feeling. I suck at the phone though, so I haven't called her. I just beat myself up for being alone and only being cared about by people who I pay to care.

IV-ketamine banished my depression entirely for about 6 weeks. It was magical. I have never been a not-depressed adult. I've been sliding downhill for about 6 weeks though and it's worse since the car accident. I'm suicidal again and entertaining regular thoughts of self-harm as well. More IV-ketamine is not an option, for financial reasons (I got it because I'm in a medical trial), and IM-ketamine (which I'm getting through the trial) doesn't seem to have the same effect.

I feel pretty hopeless.

please hang ing there, some of thse things are unfortunate but will change. Call or Pdoc asap...........or go to the ER. Does anything besides ketamine work? suck it up and tcall tdoc too................ask pdoc to do a peer to peer with your insurance on the ketamine, please dont lose hope

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10 minutes ago, looking for answers said:

When u feel

like ur slipping backwards with no reason...... or slipping period u call pdoc

 

 

I feel

like I never even started the iop the last two days, intrusive bad bad thoughts

I'm sorry to hear that, I hope that it will change soon, it doesn't mean that you haven't made any progress

 

there is always a reason for my depression, I never feel depressed out of the blue, so it's hard to know if it's the meds not working or it's just because what is going on

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1 hour ago, grab your bag said:

I'm sorry to hear that, I hope that it will change soon, it doesn't mean that you haven't made any progress

 

there is always a reason for my depression, I never feel depressed out of the blue, so it's hard to know if it's the meds not working or it's just because what is going on

Thank you for the kind words. I feel awful. Maybe it’s the season/weather??

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sorry to hear that Tori_D, I can relate to the parents part

 

I talk to my pdoc on the phone today and she agreed to replace the citalopram.. I hoping she would agree to try zoloft, even though sertraline gave me bad side effects.. or paxil...... recently I'm thinking of going to the hospital, but I'm afraid somehow my family would find out

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Sorry about that @Rabbit37

My girl was all shades of shading yesterday. It triggered me into a major crying jag. Right before I was about the serve the whole frigging meal. Went deep down into "no matter what I do it will NEVER be good enough".  Cuz thinks I need to tell my girl but I believe she will NEVER understand. My only other choice is to grow a thicker skin. sigh.....

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3 hours ago, water said:

Sorry about that @Rabbit37

My girl was all shades of shading yesterday. It triggered me into a major crying jag. Right before I was about the serve the whole frigging meal. Went deep down into "no matter what I do it will NEVER be good enough".  Cuz thinks I need to tell my girl but I believe she will NEVER understand. My only other choice is to grow a thicker skin. sigh.....

Water, I believe the adage of something like "to a child, parents are god. Then they grow stupider as the child reaches maturity. Then somewhere in the mid-20's the parents become wiser again". I have a 30yo daughter, yes, we became stupid for a while, then she realized one day that maybe we weren't.

Have patience, dear water. 18yo's can be impossible. Don't doubt yourself. I hope you have leftovers to console yourself with, and you are MORE than "good enough". You rock. 

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Honestly? Largely sad and ashamed. Have had a lot of problems recently with family and getting back with my ex (who has her own mental health issues ― depression, borderline pd, etc.). They essentially threatened to cut me out of their lives ― not coming to the wedding if there is one and they're invited, not accepting any grandchildren, etc. ― so I've kept my distant, staying at the SO's apartment and only stopping at home to get clothes and take care of my aquariums. I've had the last handful of days off but haven't done anything except sleep, watch TV, etc. because my car was totaled in an accident a few weeks ago and haven't been cut a check by insurance and had time to go car shopping. Anyway, between my relationship with family and SA, I've never been great with communication, especially initiation, so when Thanksgiving came up I hoped someone would get a hold of me. Nothing though. Silence. I probably should've been. nature and texted them but I was terribly anxious and trying to avoid it. Fast forward to the end of the night: I got a text from my mom. I didn't read the whole thing, just about her being hurt and something else about me being done with them. It was really hard to read. Not to mention it wasn't true. It's been +/- 24h since and I still haven't responded. I don't know what to say and even thinking about it floods me with anxiety.

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