How are you?

[looking for answers]

12 minutes ago, jt07 said:

Thanks for asking. I'm suffering a lot physically and that takes a toll on my mental health. Still, I'm doing much better mentally than physically. 

Congrats. That should cause you to worry less.

Ha a little yes, curious as the dose goes up, but i def don’t wNna be losing , but it’s better than gainig

[BrianOCD]

I'm in a depression for sure...

I wish I could get back to the ole Brian.

[grab your bag]

anyone here with an adjustment disorder? I was diagnosed with it . .

[Rabbit37]

Using today to brace myself, the next few days will be difficult. Including chores, and up to painting walls, I have a lot to distract myself, but still. Going to be a crappy week. So, I guess today I'm a bit depressed and slightly disoriented. Voices during the night didn't help. 

[mcjimjam]

I'm okay. I'm IP right now. Had ECT this morning. I've run out of cigarettes unfortunately and am not allowed to go anywhere which is annoying. I think the ECT might be helping, nurses say I seem brighter anyway.

[jt07]

1 hour ago, mcjimjam said:

I'm okay.

It's been quite some time since I've seen you write the words "I'm okay" on here so things must be looking up. I'm glad for you and hope you continue to feel better.

I am feeling depressed this evening. Just awful and rotten,

[pinkfloydforeverlove]

There's good news, everybody. Christmas is coming. I'm mentally spreading my Christmas cheer to y'all.

[Geek]

I feel awful. 

I was in a car accident two weeks ago. Totaled my car and broke my right/dominant wrist. Insurance won't cover me to drive with a cast on my arm/hand, so I can't get a rental car. I've been taking transit to get to work. I feel very alone and like I'm a burden on my friends, which is only made worse by this injury and my lack of a transportation. My friends live far away (roughly 30 minutes drive, 2.5 hours by transit), and are too busy to come see me. It's fine, I guess. I'm not much fun to hang out with, I don't have much (positive) to say, so I mostly listen to others talk.

My tdoc cancelled my appointment this week because she was sick and then couldn't fit me in later in the week, so it's been almost two weeks since I talked to her. She feels like the only person who cares about me these days because she doesn't change the subject or get uncomfortably silent when I say how I'm feeling. I suck at the phone though, so I haven't called her. I just beat myself up for being alone and only being cared about by people who I pay to care.

IV-ketamine banished my depression entirely for about 6 weeks. It was magical. I have never been a not-depressed adult. I've been sliding downhill for about 6 weeks though and it's worse since the car accident. I'm suicidal again and entertaining regular thoughts of self-harm as well. More IV-ketamine is not an option, for financial reasons (I got it because I'm in a medical trial), and IM-ketamine (which I'm getting through the trial) doesn't seem to have the same effect.

I feel pretty hopeless.

[Wonderful.Cheese]

1 hour ago, Geek said:

I feel awful. 

I was in a car accident two weeks ago. Totaled my car and broke my right/dominant wrist. Insurance won't cover me to drive with a cast on my arm/hand, so I can't get a rental car. I've been taking transit to get to work. I feel very alone and like I'm a burden on my friends, which is only made worse by this injury and my lack of a transportation. My friends live far away (roughly 30 minutes drive, 2.5 hours by transit), and are too busy to come see me. It's fine, I guess. I'm not much fun to hang out with, I don't have much (positive) to say, so I mostly listen to others talk.

My tdoc cancelled my appointment this week because she was sick and then couldn't fit me in later in the week, so it's been almost two weeks since I talked to her. She feels like the only person who cares about me these days because she doesn't change the subject or get uncomfortably silent when I say how I'm feeling. I suck at the phone though, so I haven't called her. I just beat myself up for being alone and only being cared about by people who I pay to care.

IV-ketamine banished my depression entirely for about 6 weeks. It was magical. I have never been a not-depressed adult. I've been sliding downhill for about 6 weeks though and it's worse since the car accident. I'm suicidal again and entertaining regular thoughts of self-harm as well. More IV-ketamine is not an option, for financial reasons (I got it because I'm in a medical trial), and IM-ketamine (which I'm getting through the trial) doesn't seem to have the same effect.

I feel pretty hopeless.

Geek <3

I had to think hard what IM vs IV ketamine would mean. But I finally got it. I'm sorry the IM isn't cutting it. That's awful. To feel that freedom from depression for 6 weeks only to have it ripped away.  And there is no way they would give you the IV again? I hate to think that they would not give you that if it was working so well. That makes me mad and frustrated for you. Sending love and strength. 

[looking for answers]

4 hours ago, Geek said:

I feel awful. 

I was in a car accident two weeks ago. Totaled my car and broke my right/dominant wrist. Insurance won't cover me to drive with a cast on my arm/hand, so I can't get a rental car. I've been taking transit to get to work. I feel very alone and like I'm a burden on my friends, which is only made worse by this injury and my lack of a transportation. My friends live far away (roughly 30 minutes drive, 2.5 hours by transit), and are too busy to come see me. It's fine, I guess. I'm not much fun to hang out with, I don't have much (positive) to say, so I mostly listen to others talk.

My tdoc cancelled my appointment this week because she was sick and then couldn't fit me in later in the week, so it's been almost two weeks since I talked to her. She feels like the only person who cares about me these days because she doesn't change the subject or get uncomfortably silent when I say how I'm feeling. I suck at the phone though, so I haven't called her. I just beat myself up for being alone and only being cared about by people who I pay to care.

IV-ketamine banished my depression entirely for about 6 weeks. It was magical. I have never been a not-depressed adult. I've been sliding downhill for about 6 weeks though and it's worse since the car accident. I'm suicidal again and entertaining regular thoughts of self-harm as well. More IV-ketamine is not an option, for financial reasons (I got it because I'm in a medical trial), and IM-ketamine (which I'm getting through the trial) doesn't seem to have the same effect.

I feel pretty hopeless.

please hang ing there, some of thse things are unfortunate but will change. Call or Pdoc asap...........or go to the ER. Does anything besides ketamine work? suck it up and tcall tdoc too................ask pdoc to do a peer to peer with your insurance on the ketamine, please dont lose hope

[grab your bag]

when do you know it's time to change AD's?

[looking for answers]

1 hour ago, grab your bag said:

when do you know it's time to change AD's?

When u feel

like ur slipping backwards with no reason...... or slipping period u call pdoc

 

 

I feel

like I never even started the iop the last two days, intrusive bad bad thoughts

[grab your bag]

10 minutes ago, looking for answers said:

When u feel

like ur slipping backwards with no reason...... or slipping period u call pdoc

 

 

I feel

like I never even started the iop the last two days, intrusive bad bad thoughts

I'm sorry to hear that, I hope that it will change soon, it doesn't mean that you haven't made any progress

 

there is always a reason for my depression, I never feel depressed out of the blue, so it's hard to know if it's the meds not working or it's just because what is going on

[looking for answers]

1 hour ago, grab your bag said:

I'm sorry to hear that, I hope that it will change soon, it doesn't mean that you haven't made any progress

 

there is always a reason for my depression, I never feel depressed out of the blue, so it's hard to know if it's the meds not working or it's just because what is going on

Thank you for the kind words. I feel awful. Maybe it’s the season/weather??

[Tori_D]

Tbh my life has been getting worse everyday i've been self-harming since 6th grade and i cant get help because my parents aren't the understanding type. 

[grab your bag]

sorry to hear that Tori_D, I can relate to the parents part

 

I talk to my pdoc on the phone today and she agreed to replace the citalopram.. I hoping she would agree to try zoloft, even though sertraline gave me bad side effects.. or paxil...... recently I'm thinking of going to the hospital, but I'm afraid somehow my family would find out

[Rabbit37]

I'm in a swirl tonight. Up, extremely down, can't type out what's wrong. 

Enjoyed my older daughter's and boyfriend visit, teens were great. Husband... embarrassed me deeply. He's all shades of fucked up. 

Thats all.

[water]

Sorry about that @Rabbit37

My girl was all shades of shading yesterday. It triggered me into a major crying jag. Right before I was about the serve the whole frigging meal. Went deep down into "no matter what I do it will NEVER be good enough".  Cuz thinks I need to tell my girl but I believe she will NEVER understand. My only other choice is to grow a thicker skin. sigh.....

[Rabbit37]

3 hours ago, water said:

Sorry about that @Rabbit37

My girl was all shades of shading yesterday. It triggered me into a major crying jag. Right before I was about the serve the whole frigging meal. Went deep down into "no matter what I do it will NEVER be good enough".  Cuz thinks I need to tell my girl but I believe she will NEVER understand. My only other choice is to grow a thicker skin. sigh.....

Water, I believe the adage of something like "to a child, parents are god. Then they grow stupider as the child reaches maturity. Then somewhere in the mid-20's the parents become wiser again". I have a 30yo daughter, yes, we became stupid for a while, then she realized one day that maybe we weren't.

Have patience, dear water. 18yo's can be impossible. Don't doubt yourself. I hope you have leftovers to console yourself with, and you are MORE than "good enough". You rock. 

[zisforzyprexa]

Honestly? Largely sad and ashamed. Have had a lot of problems recently with family and getting back with my ex (who has her own mental health issues ― depression, borderline pd, etc.). They essentially threatened to cut me out of their lives ― not coming to the wedding if there is one and they're invited, not accepting any grandchildren, etc. ― so I've kept my distant, staying at the SO's apartment and only stopping at home to get clothes and take care of my aquariums. I've had the last handful of days off but haven't done anything except sleep, watch TV, etc. because my car was totaled in an accident a few weeks ago and haven't been cut a check by insurance and had time to go car shopping. Anyway, between my relationship with family and SA, I've never been great with communication, especially initiation, so when Thanksgiving came up I hoped someone would get a hold of me. Nothing though. Silence. I probably should've been. nature and texted them but I was terribly anxious and trying to avoid it. Fast forward to the end of the night: I got a text from my mom. I didn't read the whole thing, just about her being hurt and something else about me being done with them. It was really hard to read. Not to mention it wasn't true. It's been +/- 24h since and I still haven't responded. I don't know what to say and even thinking about it floods me with anxiety.