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Until last week I was living with BP2, anxiety disorder,  eating disorder, and ADD.  At the start of therapy I was in a noticeably in a start of a depression.  My therapist said she wanted to talk to me about BPD.  That along with my BP2, this would explain my frequent mood swings.   We took a test and that along with her thoughts have gained me a bouncing new baby boy diagnosis. So here is we I am here, this diagnosis, unlike BP2 seems to have broken me.  I read up on it.  I see the stereotypes and I bought into them.  Where do I go from here?  BP2 is a mood disorder that can be curbed with meds.  BPD means my very personality is damaged.  That's a lot to take on.  I feel it means that everything I believe in or did came from a broken, badly made person.  How does anyone go on from this?   Listen, I know I'm different than the majority of people.  I know I'm antisocial and supremely awkward in situations where I'm not comfortable with people.  I know I'm easily distracted, like not working and writing this.  My other issue with the diagnosis, is is real or is it just the shorthand way to say you are hard to deal with?  Like was I just called an asshole in therapist speak?  

 

I'm kind of venting but any insight would help so please reply.

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At this point, venting is completely understandable. For the first half an hour of my dual PD diagnosis I was ecstatic (BPD I guess) and then I crashed horribly and felt like the smallest piece of crap on the Earth. The guy who diagnosed me actually recommended I didn't googled BPD, and as tempting as it is, it'll ultimately make your life a lot happier if you avoid the kinds of sites that equate PD's (especially the 'evil' cluster B's) with abusive monsters. Something that helped me was watching youtube videos and talking to or reading blogs of people with BPD. If nothing else, it's helped me recognise that, even if I have a serious mental condition, we still have a unique personality under all this crap. I kind of feel like the term 'personality disorder' is cruel yet apt- it's far reaching enough to mimic a personality, but it also has serious social and psychiatric implications for the person burdened with the term. Sorry now I'm venting.

As for the age old 'is this an actual disorder or is it just a fob off' I'm on the fence. On one hand, lived experience means the diagnosis helped me understand why I was thinking and behaving in certain ways and helped me try to resolve some of them. e.g. a few years ago I could easily be said to be low level SUI with occasional intent, whereas now SI is more intrusive thoughts, so yay life I guess. On the other hand, there is a troubling pattern of diagnosis where if you are female/LGBT+/a POC/mentally ill in other ways, you seem to be more likely to be given a BPD diagnosis. I remember reading about certain feminist theorists who think it's basically a way of pathologising mentally ill women into a convenient red flag for other psychiatrists to be wary of. 

Sorry this is long and unwieldy, but feel free to ask questions or ask for clarity. People with BPD aren't demons, they're just people with a condition they didn't ask for. I hope you have a good therapist who doesn't make you feel like an arsehole. You aren't badly made but it can feel like that sometimes.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'm going to politely disagree with the 'PD's are easy to solve permanently' statement. Sorry, tone is difficult to communicate online so I don't want to be rude. Anyway, I think it's definitely a good aim to look to minimise harmful symptoms and find ways of coping, but that doesn't mean it's necessarily something that will resolve itself completely, and I think it can set people up to have high expectations and feel like they've failed. As for the last part of the message, there are always going to be people who won't take responsibility for their actions. This isn't really a symptom of BPD. A lot of the generalisations about BPD are straight up stereotypes that hurt a lot of borderlines, especially when those assumptions are repeated by professionals. I haven't found many places that do DBT or schema therapies here but sounds like a good option! Heard a lot of people do DBT

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On 8/20/2017 at 7:10 AM, ananke said:

I'm going to politely disagree with the 'PD's are easy to solve permanently' statement. Sorry, tone is difficult to communicate online so I don't want to be rude. Anyway, I think it's definitely a good aim to look to minimise harmful symptoms and find ways of coping, but that doesn't mean it's necessarily something that will resolve itself completely, and I think it can set people up to have high expectations and feel like they've failed. As for the last part of the message, there are always going to be people who won't take responsibility for their actions. This isn't really a symptom of BPD. A lot of the generalisations about BPD are straight up stereotypes that hurt a lot of borderlines, especially when those assumptions are repeated by professionals. I haven't found many places that do DBT or schema therapies here but sounds like a good option! Heard a lot of people do DBT

.

 

Edited by survivingbp
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