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I can't stop ( possible trigger)


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I cannot stop burning myself cause my emotional pain is so severe. I can't goo to the doctor cause they might put me in a mental hospital for the mentally ill cause I am mentally ill. I am so sad cause my family hasn't called me yet. My group home staff doesn't know about it that I am doing it again but that was scratching myself with a safety pin. I burn to feel the pain and I am in control of it. I have alot of problems and the main one is schizoaffective disorder. I don't know what type if its depressive or bipolar but when I get so happy it spins out of control then when I get down fast it goes downhill like a emotional roller coaster. I hate myself and to live with that feeling. My life it can mean gold and it can also mean depression of dark clouds over my head. I think I need to burn more so I can be in control of myself. I keep it as a secret cause I don't want to be back in that state hospital it was scary when I used to be in there.

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  • 4 weeks later...
On 2017-08-08 at 11:22 AM, PsychoticSpazzDude said:

I cannot stop burning myself cause my emotional pain is so severe. I can't goo to the doctor cause they might put me in a mental hospital for the mentally ill cause I am mentally ill. I am so sad cause my family hasn't called me yet. My group home staff doesn't know about it that I am doing it again but that was scratching myself with a safety pin. I burn to feel the pain and I am in control of it. I have alot of problems and the main one is schizoaffective disorder. I don't know what type if its depressive or bipolar but when I get so happy it spins out of control then when I get down fast it goes downhill like a emotional roller coaster. I hate myself and to live with that feeling. My life it can mean gold and it can also mean depression of dark clouds over my head. I think I need to burn more so I can be in control of myself. I keep it as a secret cause I don't want to be back in that state hospital it was scary when I used to be in there.

Hi psychospazzdude,   I can relate to the emotional pain.    I haven't hurt myself in a long time but I used to cut a little bit when I was younger.     I got to the source of my pain through counselling because, I didn't understand why I was doing  it in he first place .  I figured out that I had a lot of insecurities related to academics and friendships.  Never ever ever had good friends. But then I grew older and became close with awesome people.     I would suggest trying to open up a healing journal and build a relationship with your hurts.    Do it once a day , everyday, even if it's for five minutes.   Just let it out, whatever it is.    Journaling has become invaluable to me.    And I'm learning to be nicer to my brain. And myself.  I tell myself I am loved, by the universe. And I work hard to believe my own words and I envision sparkling energy in my aura .   The most important throng I've learned, is that, if you really want to stop the physical part? You have to be willing to do the nitty gritty to get to the source and Move forward.     Good luck! Hope this helps. And I hope your family reaches out soon. 

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