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I'm pretty sure I have depression. I plan things to do to help it and then am unable to do them later because I feel down and alone. Every day is a lonely struggle. People don't understand, not that I can interact with many at the moment. The biggest problem might be my job. I work for the post office and every day is at least a 3 hour struggle of being out in the 110 degree heat, trying not to think and get down. It's nearly impossible. I'm sure there's techniques but I feel so alone and distant from everything. I barely have friends, I just got back together with my guy after some struggles but even with him of all people, I feel not good enough and like I'm just a waste of his time. I love him, he can find someone better. And yet I'm selfish, too sad and alone to let go and driving him crazy with my daily insecurities. The same ones over and over again. Am I okay? Am I okay? Am I okay? I'm constantly lonely, making shit worse and have no place to safely vent because it's a lot of negative and I might be okay one day, not half the day even and then just keep feeling the negative. I can't talk to people because of how down I feel constantly and I'm not doing anything interesting because of it so I don't have normal conversation to talk about. I feel lost and disconnected from everything. And trapped in a box. And ultimately alone and failing what little I have despite my efforts. I can't get the happy to stay in my head every day and people get frustrated and hurt that it doesn't and it makes me feel worse.

Who ever is reading this, thanks for taking the time to do so. I just wanted to be heard, to talk to someone even though I sound pathetic. I hope your day was good and tanks for stopping by.

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Your not pathetic. I bet a good majority of us have been "in a box" before and sometimes all you can do is be angry as hell. The next step is to get the best help you can get- and if some stranger takes you as pathetic, screw them. It's not ur fault that some can't understand. But get a support system and maybe some meds, and maybe this is your first step to get out of the box 

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That sounds a lot like depression. Since you're pretty sure you have depression, I'm guessing you haven't been to a Dr about it. Does your job have benefits that would allow you to go? Therapy, medication, or both can do a lot to support your own efforts to feel better.

I'm happy to listen to anything you want to vent about and to cheer you on as you try to change things for the better.

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