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I know that being guilty is a sign of depression, but I feel like I deserve to be guilty, and to be punished, too. For starters, I was caught cheating on a test in my last college, and my parents dragged me home, which intensified my depression by 100-fold. I am currently at my state university, where I've been given a second chance, but I still managed to screw that up by getting a 2.0 the last semester. They threatened to take away my financial aid, but I appealed it with the help of my pdoc by him writing a letter to the school explaining how severe my depression and anxiety is. Now, on the 21st of this month, I go back to school. This is my LAST CHANCE. Before my parents said they'd kick me out if I don't make good grades this semester, AND, they'd make me pay for my student loans. I don't have thousands of dollars to spare! My dad constantly brings up my mistakes, and it makes me feel so terrible about myself that I become suicidal. I feel like I don't have the energy to get through school this semester, and I don't see my pdoc until 10 days AFTER school starts. It's the earliest they could get me in. I don't know what to do. The guilt is overwhelming me to the brink of sanity.

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I think you need to go to school and do it for YOU.

Think about the fact that one day you may be able to use the education, get a decent job, and not worry about your folks.

Independence can be quite empowering.

I'm in my mid 30's now.  It's not your "Last Chance" believe me....there's a whole life ahead of you and you're gonna slip up and get up, rinse and repeat.

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Wow,  I bet the pressure that your parents are putting on you is really helping you!  NOT! :angry: that makes me mad on your behalf. 

I have incredible guilt as well.  I sometimes feel guilty simply for existing. This past year I had some success in realizing that me believing I should feel bad and continuing to hold onto those thoughts will not change anything.  So I can feel guilty about situation XYZ or not.  My feelings and thoughts about the situation don't make it any different. And I was able to let go of some of my obsessive thinking for awhile.  It seems like such a simple idea but it was a revelation for me!  There are times when it just gets too intense and I can't let go of the thoughts. But there is hope!  It can be done! 

Are there counseling services at your school?  Maybe you could get a little extra support there?  I wish you all the best! 

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4 hours ago, pinkfloydforeverlove said:

Thanks, amskray. Yes there are counseling services but they won't give it to me. They said that I need longer term therapy than what they can provide, so they won't provide me therapy. And I can't afford therapy out in the community so I'm completely alone in this.

That is fairly common, schools don't want to get involved in long term serious chronic conditions. Even the health unit where you can see a general doc to deal with non-psychiatric issues referred me out when I had Prostatitis. Check into the mental health services offered by the city or state, often they are sliding scale. 

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I read that as you should look into those services in your community. You really need someone on your side.  Maybe there are some support groups through your school? That won't replace treatment but it could give you a boost. 

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