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So scared about starting new meds !!


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So I've been on and off medication through the years. First Zoloft and depakote at 15 then gabapentin or something similar (sincerely forgot how many meds I used to take at 15 there's probably 2-3 I'm forgetting) for supposed major depression. Later in the years I started smoking a lot of pot and drank myself to a cube of solid sand -and stopped takin all the meds at once. Stopped my dissent into alcoholism by starting seroquel for a year. Been diagnosed with PTSD with some form of bipolar disoseder . I'm now 20 and I had to stop taking seroquel which had really put my life back together because of thyroid problems given by the seroquel itself. Seroquel had given me extreme fatigue and sleepiness and tachycardia. I had given in to that my gf has been as well . I had to stop it and started for a very brief period abilify which made me jittery and gave me akathisia . Had to stop that too and now I'm about to start zyprexa at a very low dose . I'm sincerely scared about having to be on a sedative again !!!!  I mean I've been full of energy since I've been off my meds these past few weeks , but I realize I need them to function as a human being and not destroy myself or have psychotic breakdowns or wanna slip my wrists over a bad hand at poker (not a joke actually happened something similar). How do I calm down and take zyprexa tonight without having panics attacks before ? Tell me ya'll personal stories please anything that can help 

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Above 100 beats per minute it becomes tachycardia. Have you had it worked up ? I used to have a heart rate on about 111 beats per minute. Most tachycardia is harmless. No one was very concerned about it because I had an EKG and echocardiogram with stress test, everything was normal. They said they were not concerned as they knew the cause of it, meds, and had proved my heart did well at resting and with stress.

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Well incredibly my heart is ok (if not for weird skipping of beats and an innocuous anomaly in my heart shape) . Overall I'm now taking zyprexa and it's getting better; I still get the usual panic attack or high anxiety moments but st least now my paranoia is severely reduced and my mania just isn't there . Depression also disappeared.   

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