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Afraid to talk to my treatment team


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I am going on vacation next week with my family but I am depressed and have suicidal thoughts and don't want to tell my therapist or psychiatrist because I fear they will just put me in the hospital I don't want to I just need to pull it together I just am depressed...

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They won't put you in the hospital for just being depressed and having suicidal thoughts. If that were the case, we'd all be put in the hospital right away. They do a risk analysis to determine how likely you are to commit suicide. If you have concrete plans then, yes, they might put you in the hospital. But not just for having suicidal thoughts.

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Like the others have said, just having suicidal thoughts is not enough to make them hospitalize you. They'll only do it if they decide that it is necessary to keep you safe. The fact that you are concerned about missing your family vacation if hospitalized sound like you definitely want to be alive for now, for the vacation. So really the only reason to hospitalize you would be if you clearly expressed that you do not think you can safely make it through until the vacation. 

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That's true I know my therapist she doesn't jump when I say it she does only do it when I am really bad and she does not trust me she doesn't even think I should go on this family vacation. Last time I went away with them I came home suicidal and she almost hospitalized me after that so this trip may lead to something bad but I know she doesn't rush I just feel scared to tell her for some reason though I think she knows kind of so does my psychiatrist I am tryibg a new medication hopefully that will change my mood soon...

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I'd try to spend some time thinking about why the last vacation was so destabilizing. Then I would see if I could come up with some strategies to make this vacation less so. And then try to frame your conversation with your therapist around that. You could tell them that you're having suicidal thoughts, but that you really want to go on the vacation, and are trying to develop good strategies to keep yourself safe and from destabilizing further, mention anything you've come up with, and then that you'd like to talk about what some other ideas are. 

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it was mostly my parents that cause it so i am not sure i even want to go i just feel i have to. its planned and scheduled and what not so I just feel obligated i guess. my therapist planned that we can have half hour conversations at least a couple of the days and i can call and text anytime. Hopefully I can maybe journal too I didn't do that last trip and that usually helps me out a bit when i need to get my thoughts in order. I will try to keep up with that. I see my therapist Saturday so we can plan better so i don't come back a mess and this is a week not just 2 days like it was last time and  I came back so bad we want to prevent that from happening i love my parents we just have a lot of issues right now that of course we don't talk about as we have no communication we are just fake but its just always upsetting. 

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On 8/17/2017 at 6:41 PM, Hermione said:

it was mostly my parents that cause it so i am not sure i even want to go i just feel i have to. its planned and scheduled and what not so I just feel obligated i guess. my therapist planned that we can have half hour conversations at least a couple of the days and i can call and text anytime. Hopefully I can maybe journal too I didn't do that last trip and that usually helps me out a bit when i need to get my thoughts in order. I will try to keep up with that. I see my therapist Saturday so we can plan better so i don't come back a mess and this is a week not just 2 days like it was last time and  I came back so bad we want to prevent that from happening i love my parents we just have a lot of issues right now that of course we don't talk about as we have no communication we are just fake but its just always upsetting. 

you could read a CBT book whilst on holiday. This might help a little in taming the distorted cognitions and it may feel like you're doing something different for yourself that might help. I recommend Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by Burns, David D.  You can pick it up for next to nothing.  Sometimes just doing something for yourself to get better can help that little bit.  Fingers crossed that the new med helps.

Edited by sming
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Sometimes if I am afraid to talk to a team or give a speech the best next thing to do is write what you want to say and just read it out loud. This way you don't have to look directly into peoples eyes or see their reaction. Goodluck and God Bless.

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I talked to my therapist today not about suicidal thoughts but she knows I am in a depression. On vacation now she asked me to journal everyday at least once and rate my depression like 1-10. So I plan on doing that . Hopefully it will help I wish I brought my extra meds as this dose is not working I am trying but it's hard. 

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