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Extremely poor judgement?


confused
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I have been blogging about how my tdoc is having me talk about the past and it makes me uncomfortable. Our home was an unpredictable chaotic place. My father was never dx, but he had untreated mi, probably bipolar.  My brother had a psychotic break and was untreated, too, but he did not rage like my dad. My mom kept a united front with whatever my dad said and when he would hurt our feelings she would make excuses "it was a joke, your father is wonderful". It is painful to talk about.

they would joke about things, like the time they left me at a park and drove home. I know it can happen, but most people don't think it is a fun story. 

Tdoc was saying that my parents did all they knew how to do. That unless the are sociopaths, parents do what they can for their children. I don't think they were sociopathic, so I am left trying to figure out how smart people can think this was okay, let alone a good environment. I knew is was not okay and I was a kid.

the only thing i can come up with is extremely poor judgement. 

I am not sure if that is a breakthrough of sorts. It is more complicated.

 

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I think that most parents have done the best they can but that doesn't mean it was good for a child!  And even though a parent did not intend for their actions to negatively affect their kids the effects are still there. 

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Thanks @amskray   Yes, the effects are still with me. 

The comment might not make sense out of context. I am trying to let go of anger and bitterness and forgive. I will think I have, but then I start thinking of things and I get upset again.

There is a fantasy that things were always wonderful my parents projected. My mom still does. That upsets me. 

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16 hours ago, confused said:

There is a fantasy that things were always wonderful my parents projected. My mom still does. That upsets me. 

That is understandable!  And I think anger is a perfectly acceptable and in some ways helpful, healthy response. I am 51 years old and am still dealing with things that happened in grade school!  That pisses me off sometimes!  I am a parent and I find it extremely difficult and my "issues" get in the way and affect my parenting but I am getting help and our parents could have gotten help, too.  That makes me mad. 

BUT -like you-, I  don't want to feel angry and bitter all the time. I think going back over the history of my childhood and my parent's and grandparent's helped me see how my parents developed their parenting style. I was able to see both the not-so-helpful stuff that happened AND  I was able to see where each generation had made positive changes and tried to break some negative cycles.  I think that helped me let go of some anger. 

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That is great that you can see how they made positive changes.

I am going to try to move up my next therapy appt. It is uncomfortable to talk about but I think it  will be helpful to put it in some perspective.

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