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tooth issues and problems with thoughts pouring out of my head


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i have two main issues right now:

1. i need to have a tooth fixed, but i know they'll try to implant another device in me if i do. this has concluded with me feeling urges to take pliers and pull every tooth from my head that has a filling or crown. my husband has hidden the pliers from me. 

2. my thoughts keep pouring out of my head where others can see and i can't stop the flow. i'm very non conversational in person right now because all of the words are like magnets of the same charge and can't hang together in speech. i can't find anything or the right thing to say.

can anyone here with sz/sza relate? i'm not looking for medical advice here. i'm asking if anyone can relate to having one or both of these situations. how long could you endure it? i had a psych appointment (urgent one) last friday and got a medication adjustment. this weekend was hellish. i have another psych appointment thursday. i know i can make it until thursday. or i think i can. i just really want these devices out of my body and it's getting hard to ...i can't just set this aside. they've been doing this to me for years and i can't let it continue.

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i had my partner hide the pliers from me, but i've now ransacked our house looking for them. i would go to the hardware store, but i'd have to leave the house. 

 

fuuuuuuuuck!

 

the voices and the urges are just getting worse and worse. i sincerely hope my child wakes soon so i can be distracted from this. i simply cannot follow through on the teeth coming out right now. i need to ring my psychiatrist but i want to do it when i know he won't pick up. the medication adjustment ...shit...this is bad. i need to distract myself but i can't find anything to do to do so.

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9 minutes ago, Swamp56 said:

I'm sorry you're not feeling so great :( . I can tell you that there are no devices in your mouth, that's just the sz clouding things up - please don't harm yourself!

thank you for your kind words. i'm not delusional though. just to be clear.

i'm a lot calmer at the moment than i was earlier. i spoke to my psychiatrist and took what he suggested, medication wise.

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I am quite knowledgeable about schizophrenia as my mom had schizophrenia all my life. It has been a series of doing fine then falling apart, going to the hospital, coming  back home doing great, falling apart. Wash, rinse, repeat.

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5 minutes ago, notloki said:

I am quite knowledgeable about schizophrenia as my mom had schizophrenia all my life. It has been a series of doing fine then falling apart, going to the hospital, coming  back home doing great, falling apart. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Hi, okay, what you said before? Unhelpful, as Melli pointed out. 

In regards to the above, watching someone deal with schizophrenia from the outside is not the same as dealing with schizophrenia internally. Melli literally only asked if anyone could relate. Showing up and saying, "nope, not me, I don't have that," is inserting yourself into a conversation for literally no reason.

How would you feel if you posted about depression and asked if anyone could relate to that horrible pit at the bottom of your stomach and the aches and pains and the persistent, unstoppable suicidal thoughts, and then someone showed up and told you to get over it, then that they know more about what's going on in your head than you do because they watched their father experience depression, but no, they haven't experienced that themselves, so they can't RELATE.

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thank you @heilmania

 

back to issues that i started with...my head has closed up again, i suspect due to the zyprexa i'm taking three times a day for now.

i feel like the urges to pull out my teeth are subsiding, though the voices are not fully at all, which is sorta unusual that they're not responding as quickly to the medication increases.

it is starting to wear on me, taking all of these medications amplified. i feel a bit loopy at the moment, but i now take midday zyprexa and i'm kinda surprised it didn't knock me out. i'm certain my meds will tonight at an early hour. sometimes sleep is really the best thing for me though, so not in a bad way...

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1 minute ago, mellifluous said:

thank you @heilmania

 

back to issues that i started with...my head has closed up again, i suspect due to the zyprexa i'm taking three times a day for now.

i feel like the urges to pull out my teeth are subsiding, though the voices are not fully at all, which is sorta unusual that they're not responding as quickly to the medication increases.

it is starting to wear on me, taking all of these medications amplified. i feel a bit loopy at the moment, but i now take midday zyprexa and i'm kinda surprised it didn't knock me out. i'm certain my meds will tonight at an early hour. sometimes sleep is really the best thing for me though, so not in a bad way...

Sleep is a major component for reducing voices for me. And it can sometimes be like a reset button for my overall mood- I can fall asleep feeling like dirt and wake up the next day feeling way better. 

I hope you wake up tomorrow feeling better and having fewer urges and voices. 

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8 hours ago, paintedsky said:

I was totally going to say take zyprexa and I'm so relieved you did. That's what I take. If my thoughts are taking up too much space in the room or I have holes in my head that stuff helps. Yes I can relate.

thank you for this. it's somewhat comforting to know i don't exist i a vacuum : ) xx

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On 8/21/2017 at 9:43 PM, mellifluous said:

thank you for your kind words. i'm not delusional though. just to be clear.

i'm a lot calmer at the moment than i was earlier. i spoke to my psychiatrist and took what he suggested, medication wise.

You are clearly symptomatic, hearing voices.. You are delusional but not aware of it.

I can relate with the thoughts, but somewhat different.. Without medication, or meds that aren't useful, I'd believe that if I looked someone in the eye, my thoughts were going into their mind, they knew all about me, what I've done. 

I've never thought a device was implanted in me, though.. a lot of it is persecution, guilt, people can read my mind, etc..

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First I would like to say that I too suffered greatly from the "what if" syndrome. I was afraid to be in open spaces, afraid of being with too many people in one car, afraid of flying in planes because I couldn't get out. With the dentist the main thing to keep in mind here is that YOU ARE IN FULL CONTROL. A dentist cannot do what he pleases just because he wants to without your full consent. I myself have a root canal that has to be performed on the upper right side of my face but it has to be done by an orthodontist and I also need an extraction on the lower right side because I have a hole in my tooth. I need a surgeon for that one because I almost hit the dentist. They tried putting several needles in my gums and I lost it. The lady did not want to stop putting needles and I grabbed her forearm and said this is not happening ok???!!!  Anyway, I have to find a new dentist. I was never ever scared of needles in my mouth  until she put them in. But I realize that I am in full control of this so if I say STOP they have to stop and it's over, but if I don't do it I also risk disease to my heart or even my brain and it was painful when I had my hole in my tooth. It was the only time I considered suicide. Thank God it can be done by oral surgeons so look into that. Go under sedation which is peaceful and before you know it, the procedure is finished. Is there any reason you need them all pulled? If not just take out the worse ones. Good luck and God Bless.

Also I forgot as far as medication I find that cyclobenzaprine, a muscle relaxant helps me tremendously with anxiety because it is a muscle relaxant and helps with pain. I used it for two back injuries and it was great. You just need a small amount.

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12 minutes ago, Yvette J. said:

First I would like to say that I too suffered greatly from the "what if" syndrome. I was afraid to be in open spaces, afraid of being with too many people in one car, afraid of flying in planes because I couldn't get out. With the dentist the main thing to keep in mind here is that YOU ARE IN FULL CONTROL. A dentist cannot do what he pleases just because he wants to without your full consent. I myself have a root canal that has to be performed on the upper right side of my face but it has to be done by an orthodontist and I also need an extraction on the lower right side because I have a hole in my tooth. I need a surgeon for that one because I almost hit the dentist. They tried putting several needles in my gums and I lost it. The lady did not want to stop putting needles and I grabbed her forearm and said this is not happening ok???!!!  Anyway, I have to find a new dentist. I was never ever scared of needles in my mouth  until she put them in. But I realize that I am in full control of this so if I say STOP they have to stop and it's over, but if I don't do it I also risk disease to my heart or even my brain and it was painful when I had my hole in my tooth. It was the only time I considered suicide. Thank God it can be done by oral surgeons so look into that. Go under sedation which is peaceful and before you know it, the procedure is finished. Is there any reason you need them all pulled? If not just take out the worse ones. Good luck and God Bless.

Also I forgot as far as medication I find that cyclobenzaprine, a muscle relaxant helps me tremendously with anxiety because it is a muscle relaxant and helps with pain. I used it for two back injuries and it was great. You just need a small amount.

thank you so much for your kind reply. 

i am leaving my teeth alone for now except looking to get the one fixed. i had my psych appointment today and he said i was doing much better. 

i don't want to not be lucid when i'm around dentists, but i'll look into the cyclobenzaprine. i take a lot of meds already that might react to it though.

i'm so glad you've found something that works for you!

best wishes xx

-melli

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Hey melli! @mellifluous

I'm sorry you are having these problems and feelings. That sounds so scary and awful. At least similar thoughts scare me and make me feel crappy. 

I can relate not to number 1 (except for the feelings that certain people are out to destroy me or kill me) but i can relate to number 2. I think this is similar. I sometimes get thoughts put into my head from the universe to confuse me that really prevent me from speaking properly or how I want to speak anyway. I envy people who are great at speaking and telling stories.

It's very distracting to get thoughts placed into my headspace. I worry people can see what I'm trying not to say out loud.

How can I tell a story when that crap is going on? I don't remember the last time I could tell a joke or a story without coming across as extremely awkward. I feel very awkward when I speak to people out loud. My case manager has recommended a group that focuses on communication and illness recovery. I'm nervous. 

I'm happy for you that your appointment went well and that your Dr thinks you are doing much better. Do you feel better too? I hope so. Thinking of you. Sending some love your way.

 

Edited by Wonderful.Cheese
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7 minutes ago, mellifluous said:

hey cheese!!

@Wonderful.Cheese yes, i am feeling a lot better. i think the meds have closed up the opening.

i still need to get my tooth that broke sorted, but i feel like the voices are decreasing considerably over the last day.

much love to you. xx

I'm so glad to hear this melli that you are feeling better and the voices are decreasing. I hope the tooth that broke will be just a quick and easy fix and that it all goes very smoothly. 

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i'm panicking right now.

i should be asleep, but i am overwrought and i feel like these thoughts i have are....i do my best to be a compassionate person, so how can ensure that and not damage my small girl's life? i was afraid yesterday that my affect was flattened. i am not longer concerned about that since i've been off and on bawling all day thinking about how to save my small girl.

what if the people who see nothing but a sick person when they look at me are right? what irreparable harm am i doing to the little delightful, joyful, curious, loving thing i love the most. if they're right about me, i have to save her from me. if i'm horrible, i'm not fit to be her mum. and .....i can't even begin to process how to say goodbye to her.

i posted in my blog and saw that mari replied, but maybe i should've posted here. about the dentist, about how terrified i am, about how much i wish i didn't feel so isolated and alone.

the thoughts aren't coming out of my head anymore and most of the voices are gone. and i'm sitting with my husband semi watching a show and i just can't reach out and tell him that i'm so scared.

gross; now i have snot running down my face. i try so hard to leave a net positive in the world. i think time is running out and no matter what usefulness or helpfulness or empathy i have in me, if i have this disease and don't even know it...it's for naught.

but i love her. and many of you, past and present. but that's not enough. and i wonder, if nobody believes me when i say my experience, does nobody believe that i'm capable of compassion? that i love my small girl? that i would do anything to save everyone?

i don't know where i'm going with this, but typing has quelled some of the panic. also my night meds maybe. i just want to do the right thing. and everyone is saying that i can't leave my small girl without a mum, but what kind of mum does society even believe i'm capable of being? dismissed and discarded. set aside me like i try to set aside my "delusions"...and no matter how much effort i make, there are people who will see me as nothing more than a set of symptoms.

i'm more than that. and my small girl knows it. sometimes the detractors almost have me convinced i'm this dispassionate horrible thing who cares for no one. but i know here at least, there are people who will read this and know that i am a compassionate person. and i will do anything to ensure my small girl is safe.

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