God Do I Need Help

[looking for answers]

So When I started posting here this was my story brieflys

"I have been suffering with severe depression and anxiety for over 3 years. Its getting to the point where I just need a break. I have tried every SSRI out there, I have tried SNRI, Mood stabilizers, BenzoDiazapene's, and anti-psychotics. They all help, but dont do the trick. Things just keep getting worse. I have been to three different psychiatrists, and have religiously been in therapy for years. My newest Dr has started the use of stimulants, showing promise, but not fully effective. Now she is out of ideas, and wants me to see another Dr. I feel like I just keep playing medication roulette. No one knows what to do, This is hopeless. Has anyone else experienced this? I dont even know where to turn. Every where i look only, just says to consult a healthcare provider! "

I also got rid of my therapist and got a psychologist, he thinks i may have cyclothymia, which i dont buy because the depression is bad

But after 8 weeks of hell, I get to the new PDoc today, who has good reviews on www.healthgrades.com. He rushes me through his assessment, doesnt let me explain things. Gives me a new diagnosis of BP2, disagrees on the cylcothymia. Decides to quite 2mg of klonopin cold turkey as im sitting there in tears balling my eyes out saying i cant function without it right now, and even now i need more, my anxiety is too bad. He ignored me and didnt even reply. Then says your on 2 AD, which works better, i said i have only been on welbutrin for 3 weeks but my insurance is tough covering trintellix, he says ok stop trintellix. then says ok start seroquel, keep welbutrin, stop klonopin, stop caffeine now. i said i dont sleep i cant function without caffeine. Again no reply. Then he tells me he can see me in a month, but if we do that this will be a long process, and that i need to see a doctor more regularly, and that in a month he goes out of town for a month. WTF!!! so he sends me over to the psych hospital for 4 hours to get into an IOP program. He didnt listen to anything, nothing with my anxiety, nothing with med concerns with seroquel, didnt let me explain symptoms, nothing! I said to him, im gonna have to take off work, I am up for a big promotion, im gonna lose it, . He said it didnt sound like things were going well anyways. Then looked up in the database of controlled substances and said you got klonopin filled on this date, you should have some left if you absolutely need it. I tried to talk again about how i spend half my day at work in a bathroom quivering, he ignored me and asked me to write him a check. Then nicenly said hed see me when i got done with IOP. Said if that didnt work wed do ECT or TMS. HE saw me for 20min!!!!!

 

ive been going through hell , waiting months for this! I give up.........

Heres my plan

1)Just go do an IOP i probably need it

2) call me old Pdoc run by her what he said, and see what she says about seroquel and possibly upping the klonopin until i see the IOP pdoc. 

3)NOT GO BACK TO HIM-I cant find a good Pdoc

4) I dunno what to do about the seroquel its gonna make me tired, kill sex drive, and put on weight, and the one thing i look forward to and hand my hat on is bodybuilding.

5) when i asked why seroquel and not lithium or the like he said "this is for bipolar depression" it has to be this

 

im so angry, sad drained, hopeless

 

sorry needed to vent

[Iceberg]

Could you just work with the IOP to get meds where u want until u find a new doc. He sounds terrible. I would have walked out.

[looking for answers]

he was very nice until the end, but just kept saying "focus" stay on what im asking if i tried to explain. I need to get into the IOP first. so i need to get ahold of old pdoc and hope she suggests something in the interim.......but the anxiety is insane

[looking for answers]

called my old pdoc, who told me they couldnt see me anymore becasue they didnt know what to do, I was told they "left the practice" and probably cant call me back..........this just keeps getting better and better. THis is why people with mental health issues get worse

[jt07]

Honestly, looking for answers, I don't see the problem with your new pdoc. Perhaps he should have listened more, but his treatment plan is pretty standard for someone with Bipolar 2. The only thing I would question is whether Wellbutrin is the best antidepressant for someone with anxiety.

Are you mainly upset because the Klonopin was discontinued? As for Seroquel, it is not written in stone that you will gain weight nor is it written in stone that you will not be able to do body building. Seroquel is effective against anxiety as well as bipolar depression. It will also help you sleep at night. Yes, it can make you tired, but the sedation should improve once you get used to the medication. There are a lot of people on these boards who swear by Seroquel. What is your Seroquel dose?

[looking for answers]

he didn't let me talk, discontinued meds, asked

me what Ad works better i didn't even finish and he stopped one, didn't even listen to why we started wellbutrin prior. then told me he was going away for a month and to go to the hospital.

 

as i sat there crying. he ignores me and asks for a check.

[jt07]

I'm sorry that he ignored you. That is never good in a pdoc.

But what would you have had him done differently in regards to your treatment plan?

[looking for answers]

1) not being me in to tell

me he can't follow up for teo

 months when he knew uo front what the issues we're. 

2) address my anxiety

3) let me explain symptoms

and causes. he never let me give life events, or back story to anything

4) not rush me through an eval

because he's behind

5) not ask for a check while

im crying asking questions

6) not just say go to the hospital

7) address any questions i had about meds.

8) not just dump me

9) actually listen to what the rationale for AD i was in

and dosing  not stop the klonopin and an AD cold turkey just because and the plan was to up the dose in the

welbutrin but he didn't like coming in, in the middle of another treatment plan

 

 

we spoke three times prior to this appointment he knew it all

 

 

 

 

 

 

[jt07]

I think he did address your anxiety with the Seroquel. What is your Seroquel dose?

As I said, he should have listened to you. That's inexcusable and it's also inexcusable that he asked for a check. I don't know how his office is run, but everywhere I've been, the front desk takes care of billing.

Unfortunately, the rest of it is pretty common with regard to pdocs. Many pdocs will only see you once a month, and it's bad that yours is going to be away the next month. My pdoc spends only 10 minutes with me and I think the initial visit was something like 20 minutes. I've had pdocs tell me before that they will not prescribe anything on the initial visit until they got to know me and my issues better. Also, with the current anti-benzo climate, you always run the risk of getting a pdoc who will not prescribe benzos. That, unfortunately, is becoming more and more common.

However, your pdoc's treatment plan is pretty standard for bipolar II. The belief of a lot of pdocs is that antidepressants aren't effective in bipolar. Hence, he traded out the antidepressant and the Klonopin for Seroquel which is believed to be more effective for bipolar depression and also helps with anxiety. You remain on the Wellbutrin which is one AD that is often prescribed to people with bipolar who need an antidepressant.

What I am trying to get you to see is that all is not lost and that even though your pdoc ignored you and was generally not the best in patient-doctor interpersonal skills, you are still getting good treatment. 

[looking for answers]

he wrote an article on the underprescribig of benzos and how they r needed, so that makes sense

25mg 3 days, 59mg 3days then 100 for three weeks at least seems loooow

Edited August 22, 2017 by looking for answers

[looking for answers]

also correct me if i'm wrong you shouldn't just stop an AD and 2 mg klonopin cold turkey

regardless i'm goin iop, even went to psych hospital and they told me to no do his rec till i talk to iop pdoc. gotta get pcp to manage meds for now

[heilmania]

2 hours ago, looking for answers said:

also correct me if i'm wrong you shouldn't just stop an AD and 2 mg klonopin cold turkey

regardless i'm goin iop, even went to psych hospital and they told me to no do his rec till i talk to iop pdoc. gotta get pcp to manage meds for now

Yep, stopping Klonopin abruptly can trigger seizures. 

[looking for answers]

see! 

[mcjimjam]

If you didn't feel listened to and heard then it might be Better to keep looking for a different doc long term but you could stay with him and follow his recommendations while you wait for a new pdoc appointment with a different one. iOP could be useful. I wouldn't write off Seroquel if you've not tried it. It has a lot of evidence for use in all phases of BP and side effects only happen to some people, not all. You can still lift weights and won't necessarily get fat. Sometimes changing many things at once is a bad idea but sometimes there needs to be a start from scratch/overhaul. Is being treated inpatient an option for you? 

[looking for answers]

inpatient is. not an option and i'm not a candidate supposedly. but thank u for rthe worlds of advice

[Lms-Kaz]

I went through my personal version of all of this insanity about 15 years ago. The way my illness was going through the process of evolving, the entire medical support staff was left trying to catch a passing comet with a butterfly net. 

I had no idea what was going on. I sat there and answered all of the questions honestly and, as they reviewed my file, I couldn't explain why the answers were constantly changing. My symptoms were all over the place. Everything contradicted everything. 

I had a lot of stress conspiring to melt my brain.. and the confusion of it all turned an innocent spark into an explosion. After a couple inpatient visits for manic psychosis leading me to believe I could fly like Superman, all the puzzle pieces finally started coming together. 

Medication was its own nightmare for me. I tried for years to go that route. The side effects screwed with my head in ways that I found intolerable. Physically, I could not function at anywhere near the level I was formerly at. All of my relationships turned into everybody basing my thoughts, actions, decisions, progress, setbacks, and accomplishments on whether or not my medication was disappearing daily as prescribed. My identity as a human being was somehow contained in whatever orange and white plastic bottles were in my bathroom cabinet that month. The meds became the strings that everybody in my life dangled me from. I was paying strangers a couple thousand bucks a month for fulfilling the role of providing job security or becoming a puppet put on the planet solely to entertain with my insanity. No longer human. That delusion became my reality.

Overall, regardless of medication tweaks, there was no improvement in my quality of life. Everything in my life evaporated. I had 2 advanced degrees, a full resume of professional accomplisments, a lengthy occupational position of being in a supervisory role.. and then, I couldn't even trust myself to complete a single rational thought. I blamed the meds as much as the illness.

Eventually, I flushed it all.. and got hit with the mental tsunami of cold turkey medication withdrawals. I found strength in knowing that different crazy feeling was actually 'real'. If medication couldn't glue me back together, I had to accept that, admit defeat, figure out what went wrong that led to that point.. and start over. 

After years of losing my identity, I had to find myself again. Not only that, I had to learn from my ordeal and make a conscious effort to avoid retracing the same footsteps that led to the cliff edge of madness.  

The illness forced me to sacrifice everything. Family. Job. Friends. Life. Goals. Plans. Dreams. The more I tried to fight it, the harder the illness grabbed me by the neck. I trusted nobody. The world had betrayed me. So, I adapted. I found the connection and realized my mental episodes are induced by stress. I simply can't handle pressure to comply, conform, and fit neatly into the path of least resistance for the convenience of everybody around me. I am an overly generous person.. yet, my future survival demanded an incredible amount of selfishness. Mental illness is beyond maddening.

Sure, maybe if I stayed on the Medicoaster, I might have eventually found the perfect physician who finally understood me enough to prescribe a magical bottle of patience with a chaser of tolerance and an occasional emergency dose of temporary amnesia that allows me to sleep at night. 

Instead, I made the sacrifices and avoid everything that provokes a negative reaction.

15 years after my last inpatient visit, I am now self employed, self reliant, self sufficient and living a completely sober existence in my own isolated little bubble that very rarely overlaps with society. There is a very long list of normal, happy things I accept that I will likely never have in my life. I can write online (anonymous), but.. I have not had a face to face conversation with anybody that lasted more than a minute in over a decade. I am just fine with that.

In spite of my own past experience, I am not against medication at all, however.. I now know it was not a viable option for me. I am certainly not saying anybody should thumb their nose at their support system and burn that bridge.

All of those variables within the seesaw of balancing therapeutic benefits vs. unwanted side effects kept fueling the anxiety that kept me on the proverbial wheel in the hamster cage. 

I hopped off that wheel. 

Moral of the story? We are all individuals. My solution will not be your solution. Figure out what motivates you. Figure out what you want for your future. Figure out what provokes (and inspires) you. Figure out what your options are. If you can't see the fork in the road, create one. Find the courage to never stay stuck. Learn to trust the people who stayed by your side when the rest of the world ran and hid. The old cliches.. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Find what matters and embrace it.. It's your life to live and your story to write. You hold the pen. Dig deep into your soul.. and start scribbling. 

The illness is a master at sucking motivation and leaving us to be frozen in indecision, then, forcing us to second guess every aspect of everything. 

After reading through what you have written in the thread, I think it might be helpful to put your options on paper and untangle the knot. Prioritize things. Outsmart the disgustingly jaded us vs. them game. The process is overwhelming because there are layers of money to be made by adding confusing obstacles. Maybe they are trying to test how committed you are to your own future wellbeing? Your illness is their job security. Its a cruel world.

Work with a treatment counselor to make a step-by-step list of the order that everything has to be completed in. Establish everybody's role and purpose. Educate yourself of the options, symptoms, and side effects. Speak their doctor lingo language. By showing them you are proactive in your own treatment, you will make a positive impression and stand out among the usual crowd in the waiting room. Communication matters. If you have 'professionals' in your circle that can't tolerate being questioned about their ideas or recommendations, they are probably not looking out for your best interest.

Last thing I noticed in your post. Inpatient is always an option. Always. Hospitals are open 24 hours for a reason. A chemical imbalance can be just as dangerous as a broken neck. As a last resort, an unplanned hospital visit always beats the alternative of not going - especially when your life depends on it. I have been hospitalized 3 times for mental illness/medication related psychosis. About half of the people in there with me were working their way through supervised medication adjustments. That wing of the hospital is not what the movies portray it to be. 

Sorry for the novel.

[looking for answers]

10 hours ago, Lms-Kaz said:

I went through my personal version of all of this insanity about 15 years ago. The way my illness was going through the process of evolving, the entire medical support staff was left trying to catch a passing comet with a butterfly net. 

I had no idea what was going on. I sat there and answered all of the questions honestly and, as they reviewed my file, I couldn't explain why the answers were constantly changing. My symptoms were all over the place. Everything contradicted everything. 

I had a lot of stress conspiring to melt my brain.. and the confusion of it all turned an innocent spark into an explosion. After a couple inpatient visits for manic psychosis leading me to believe I could fly like Superman, all the puzzle pieces finally started coming together. 

Medication was its own nightmare for me. I tried for years to go that route. The side effects screwed with my head in ways that I found intolerable. Physically, I could not function at anywhere near the level I was formerly at. All of my relationships turned into everybody basing my thoughts, actions, decisions, progress, setbacks, and accomplishments on whether or not my medication was disappearing daily as prescribed. My identity as a human being was somehow contained in whatever orange and white plastic bottles were in my bathroom cabinet that month. The meds became the strings that everybody in my life dangled me from. I was paying strangers a couple thousand bucks a month for fulfilling the role of providing job security or becoming a puppet put on the planet solely to entertain with my insanity. No longer human. That delusion became my reality.

Overall, regardless of medication tweaks, there was no improvement in my quality of life. Everything in my life evaporated. I had 2 advanced degrees, a full resume of professional accomplisments, a lengthy occupational position of being in a supervisory role.. and then, I couldn't even trust myself to complete a single rational thought. I blamed the meds as much as the illness.

Eventually, I flushed it all.. and got hit with the mental tsunami of cold turkey medication withdrawals. I found strength in knowing that different crazy feeling was actually 'real'. If medication couldn't glue me back together, I had to accept that, admit defeat, figure out what went wrong that led to that point.. and start over. 

After years of losing my identity, I had to find myself again. Not only that, I had to learn from my ordeal and make a conscious effort to avoid retracing the same footsteps that led to the cliff edge of madness.  

The illness forced me to sacrifice everything. Family. Job. Friends. Life. Goals. Plans. Dreams. The more I tried to fight it, the harder the illness grabbed me by the neck. I trusted nobody. The world had betrayed me. So, I adapted. I found the connection and realized my mental episodes are induced by stress. I simply can't handle pressure to comply, conform, and fit neatly into the path of least resistance for the convenience of everybody around me. I am an overly generous person.. yet, my future survival demanded an incredible amount of selfishness. Mental illness is beyond maddening.

Sure, maybe if I stayed on the Medicoaster, I might have eventually found the perfect physician who finally understood me enough to prescribe a magical bottle of patience with a chaser of tolerance and an occasional emergency dose of temporary amnesia that allows me to sleep at night. 

Instead, I made the sacrifices and avoid everything that provokes a negative reaction.

15 years after my last inpatient visit, I am now self employed, self reliant, self sufficient and living a completely sober existence in my own isolated little bubble that very rarely overlaps with society. There is a very long list of normal, happy things I accept that I will likely never have in my life. I can write online (anonymous), but.. I have not had a face to face conversation with anybody that lasted more than a minute in over a decade. I am just fine with that.

In spite of my own past experience, I am not against medication at all, however.. I now know it was not a viable option for me. I am certainly not saying anybody should thumb their nose at their support system and burn that bridge.

All of those variables within the seesaw of balancing therapeutic benefits vs. unwanted side effects kept fueling the anxiety that kept me on the proverbial wheel in the hamster cage. 

I hopped off that wheel. 

Moral of the story? We are all individuals. My solution will not be your solution. Figure out what motivates you. Figure out what you want for your future. Figure out what provokes (and inspires) you. Figure out what your options are. If you can't see the fork in the road, create one. Find the courage to never stay stuck. Learn to trust the people who stayed by your side when the rest of the world ran and hid. The old cliches.. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Find what matters and embrace it.. It's your life to live and your story to write. You hold the pen. Dig deep into your soul.. and start scribbling. 

The illness is a master at sucking motivation and leaving us to be frozen in indecision, then, forcing us to second guess every aspect of everything. 

After reading through what you have written in the thread, I think it might be helpful to put your options on paper and untangle the knot. Prioritize things. Outsmart the disgustingly jaded us vs. them game. The process is overwhelming because there are layers of money to be made by adding confusing obstacles. Maybe they are trying to test how committed you are to your own future wellbeing? Your illness is their job security. Its a cruel world.

Work with a treatment counselor to make a step-by-step list of the order that everything has to be completed in. Establish everybody's role and purpose. Educate yourself of the options, symptoms, and side effects. Speak their doctor lingo language. By showing them you are proactive in your own treatment, you will make a positive impression and stand out among the usual crowd in the waiting room. Communication matters. If you have 'professionals' in your circle that can't tolerate being questioned about their ideas or recommendations, they are probably not looking out for your best interest.

Last thing I noticed in your post. Inpatient is always an option. Always. Hospitals are open 24 hours for a reason. A chemical imbalance can be just as dangerous as a broken neck. As a last resort, an unplanned hospital visit always beats the alternative of not going - especially when your life depends on it. I have been hospitalized 3 times for mental illness/medication related psychosis. About half of the people in there with me were working their way through supervised medication adjustments. That wing of the hospital is not what the movies portray it to be. 

Sorry for the novel.

that's a hell of a story! i'm def going through some withdrawal now as i up the seroquel. it's not cool. and i'm hungover from the seroquel. but i'm going to do the IOP program. of course there's a short waiting list. i will beat this. the meds help at times. i refuse to believe there isn't a med that will work. i just think we have not had the righ diagnosis and combination yet.

 

i refuse to give up my dreams of professional

accomolishments. i will have meaningful relationships, and i enjoy social interactions-just not now. 

right now it all just sucks horribly and i can't stand life. 

but im fighting

 

 

[looking for answers]

its getting worse

[grab your bag]

please don't give up

[looking for answers]

thank you i'm trying not to i just cry all the time

[amskray]

Sorry you are doing so bad,Looking!Hang in there.  You are not alone!

[looking for answers]

thank u guys. it truly helps

[grab your bag]

keep fighting and keep us updated . . 

[looking for answers]

i'm gonna lose it

[Lms-Kaz]

The manifestation of symptoms at onset, or as the illness progresses, is especially maddening. 

Everything is new, and different, and scary, and intimidating, and frustrating. 

Don't know what to say. Don't know how to say things. Don't know who to tell. The fear of judgement. Or ridicule. Or being labeled. Or discriminated against. 

How does a person learn to trust a professional who has only researched a symptom without ever personally experiencing it? What is their basis for relating to any of it? 

It is beyond overwhelming. Who can you trust when you can no longer trust yourself? 

Places like this are excellent for filling that void. Although every person is a unique individual, a lot of us have been in similar situations. 

You will find what works for you. Keep pushing forward and finding new things to grasp.

The illness is a master of manipulation that cons people into doubting themselves and their ability to persevere. It is a steep mountain. An obstacle course to overcome. 

Stability is sitting there at the peak waiting for us to navigate our own maze and solve our own riddles.

At least that's how I often picture it. Yes, I get distracted. Yes, I lose motivation. Yes, I slip backwards.. a lot.

But, I am stubborn. And, I enjoy a worthy challenge. So, I have learned to shake it off. Keep learning. Keep adapting. Keep climbing. 

[looking for answers]

i can't find help . or anything helping the pain though

[looking for answers]

3 complete breakdowns today

[looking for answers]

this time between now and the iop starting is torture.

 

i have no pdoc or therapist.

im all over the place, and unstable and no where to turn

[Blahblah]

Hi @looking for answers I'm sorry to hear things are going so badly for you. I'm feeling horrible today also and have no one to turn at the moment either. therapist is away. i am often estranged from all real-life human social connection which makes everything hurt even more. i hope things get better once you start IOP.

[looking for answers]

anything i can do to help? hang in there! i have no dr or therapist right now. i need med adjustment badly

[Renarde]

Hang in there. When I was pulled off my huge antidepressant doses and up titrating lamictal at the same time I went totally mad and came very close to killing myself. Sometimes there is literally nothing one can do but feel the pain and that is unfortunately part of the human condition. It can get better - you're early in the process - but it's hard to walk through moments like this. Just know you're not alone. There's a ton of people here who really know what you're going through. How are you doing today?

Edited August 30, 2017 by Renarde

[looking for answers]

not good i'm exhausted from the seroquel . i ended up taking off work. than you

[Blahblah]

Take it easy...hopefully you can calm down today a bit without the stress of work. I'm not in crisis mode as you are, but I often feel like I'm just hanging on by a string and I don't have a supportive safety net. My tdoc is gone, pdoc isn't available for 2 weeks (not like either really help anyway) i have no close friends. No family nearby. It's a matter of riding things through on my own (easier said than done)

I might soon do a med overhaul too. My combo is not really working well, but I'm afraid to go through the withdrawal period. It is Hell. Keep telling yourself that tapering off of meds takes a huge toll on your mood. Even if the meds didn't seem to be helping much, your brain becomes accustomed to them. When you go off (and then also concurrently start something new) it can be very disabling/destabilizing.

[looking for answers]

2 hours ago, Blahblah said:

Take it easy...hopefully you can calm down today a bit without the stress of work. I'm not in crisis mode as you are, but I often feel like I'm just hanging on by a string and I don't have a supportive safety net. My tdoc is gone, pdoc isn't available for 2 weeks (not like either really help anyway) i have no close friends. No family nearby. It's a matter of riding things through on my own (easier said than done)

I might soon do a med overhaul too. My combo is not really working well, but I'm afraid to go through the withdrawal period. It is Hell. Keep telling yourself that tapering off of meds takes a huge toll on your mood. Even if the meds didn't seem to be helping much, your brain becomes accustomed to them. When you go off (and then also concurrently start something new) it can be very disabling/destabilizing.

I know its hard. Im sorry there is no safety net for  7 cups of tea?, online therapists? Family you can call? I have to do a med overhaul bc its becoming apparent they think, and i now think i am BP2, BUt i have no therapist, and no pdoc at the moment, so im kinda winging titrating my seroquel, and was told to stp AD cold turkey, and titrating Klonopin, melatonin, just too many chemical changes! 

IM in healthcare, which makes things hard, and empathy hard, 

[Blahblah]

I've never tried 7 cups of tea - are the people licensed therapists? My 20-year psych history is long and my life situation very complicated. It is a huge hassle to start from scratch, explain story (would take several sessions) i call my mom but she has very bad health problems.i feel more a burden talking about my mental health. I seem to be med resistant. tried over 30 meds, different combos. the combo i'm on (as usual) is not doing much - I've seen very marginal improvement over the last year. I question if it's worth staying on psych meds as they often start to cause physical health problems over time.

ECT is a big time commitment with risks, 2 weekly treatments for 6-9 months! I can't just drop everything and do ECT fulltime. plus i am frightened that it could make me worse, lose memory, have lingering cognitive problems. I'm stable which is good, yet just surviving. I know i could feel much better. i'm getting to the point again where I want to quit all my meds and start fresh to see how things go.

[looking for answers]

etc scares me as well.

 

7 cups of tea has ppl to just listen if u need an ear, and licensed counselors as well. it may be something to check out.

 

ive tried a ton of meds as well. but never had this diagnosis as well so all the meds would of been wrong! i don't think u ever hassle a parent imho.

 

also u don't necessarily explain everything to someone if u need a tied me over talk just talk about what u need to!

[looking for answers]

Feel a little better today@

[looking for answers]

was supposed to start iop today, but they r full. so here i wait. without a doc, tdoc, or help still

[Gearhead]

I'm sorry, Looking. It's terrible of them to have told you you had a place in the program and then canceled on you. That's got to feel awful. 

[looking for answers]

i went to the crisis center yesterday. they did nothing as wel. i'm running out of meds. and the doses r wrong

[jt07]

2 hours ago, looking for answers said:

i went to the crisis center yesterday. they did nothing as wel. i'm running out of meds. and the doses r wrong

Have you been able to get in contact with your gdoc?

[looking for answers]

yes just today he agreed to increase my seroquel and extend my klonopin until iop starts i was only on 100mg seroquel not helping much........ i'm gonna post some questions in eh other seroquel thread 

2 hours ago, Gearhead said:

I'm sorry, Looking. It's terrible of them to have told you you had a place in the program and then canceled on you. That's got to feel awful. 

only thing i can think of is someone went to the ER there and that auto puts them ahead if

me since i was at the a different hospitals ER and was refferres to iop at a diff hospital

 

[jt07]

28 minutes ago, looking for answers said:

yes just today he agreed to increase my seroquel and extend my klonopin until iop starts 

That's good to hear. I'm glad for you. Seroquel isn't going to do much at 100 mg, but should start working for you at 200 mg.

[looking for answers]

13 minutes ago, jt07 said:

That's good to hear. I'm glad for you. Seroquel isn't going to do much at 100 mg, but should start working for you at 200 mg.

i know, and that's what u need esp if not in iop i need something. could you check out my seroquel thread?

[Alien Navel Cord]

wow taking away your klonz cold turkey is playing with fire. Maybe try a different Pdoc? I know it sounds like doctor shopping, but finding a good one isn't. Never hurts to get a 2nd opinion. This guy didn't give you the time of day. Do you really want him in charge of your brain?

[looking for answers]

he was the 2nd opinion. i tried calling over 30 doctors, can't find any acceptinh patients, or that can see me witching 3 months 

[looking for answers]

OH my things get better.

So The original Pdoc, who promised me she would make sure im good with meds and taken care of until i got to IOP, the one who sent me for a second opinion, semi-sent me a letter today.

I say semi-sent me a letter because once i went for the second opinion, she disappeared from the practice i was going to, and no longer returned my calls.

last week, when i was desperate, out of meds, and grasping at straws i called the practice and asked to get ahold of her, or that the primary doctor could help me out. SInce she was a CRNP. He should legally have to take over her patients. I was told that the second opinion doctor, you know the guy who tried to stop 2 AD cold turkey, and stop 2mg klonopin cold turkey, was now my pdoc, and i should call him. He was to be used strictly as a second opinion. 

I explained that she never told me she was leaving the practice and that she promised to follow me until i got into the IOP. They said oh, well i am not sure i can try to call her but i doubt she will return the call. They called me the next day to tell me basically to call the other dr or go to the ER.

THEY SENT ME A LETTER TODAY TELLING ME NOT TO CALL THEM AGAIN. I CALLED 2 TIMES IN A MONTH! TELLING ME THAT THE NEW DOCTOR IS MY PDOC NOW. THEY EVEN PUT THE GIRL WHO WAS NO LONGER IN THE PRACTICE ON THE LETTER HEAD, AND SIGNED IT FROM HER AND THE HEAD DOCTOR@!!!!!

 

THE IOP told me today that its still gonna be at least a week or two and apologized. I have straight given up. THere is no help. THere is no stabilization. There is no hope. Months and months of declining, fighting, jumping through hoops, i quit.

The hoops that I have jumped through to get help is insane.

 

 

[looking for answers]

no one finds that letter odd

[jt07]

50 minutes ago, looking for answers said:

no one finds that letter odd

Not really. It sounds like they don't want you as a patient anymore and they put it in writing.

[looking for answers]

7 hours ago, jt07 said:

Not really. It sounds like they don't want you as a patient anymore and they put it in writing.

i guess its normal to just not want someone as a patient anymore out of no where. No verbal altercations or anything. Being in healthcare i can say this doesnt happen often. ALso i guess its normal to state you will follow someone until they get into an IOP then disappear and send a letter...........what was i thinking

[jt07]

3 hours ago, looking for answers said:

i guess its normal to just not want someone as a patient anymore out of no where. No verbal altercations or anything. Being in healthcare i can say this doesnt happen often. ALso i guess its normal to state you will follow someone until they get into an IOP then disappear and send a letter...........what was i thinking

I'm not saying it is right or normal. I'm saying it's clearly what they did, and they are within their rights to do so. It sucks but it is what it is.

[looking for answers]

actually they aren't within they're rights, at this time they already accepted care, without non compliance there is no grounds to dismiss care or legality when medications and overall health is involved

[jt07]

I don't know about your state, but in my state, a doctor can "divorce" a patient as long as he/she has made arrangements for them to see another doctor for follow up care. There is no duty beyond that except maybe to maintain and send the records (for a fee).

I'm pretty sure that your doctor was within their rights. The last thing they would want is a lawsuit.

I want to emphasize that, in my state at least, there doesn't have to be any grounds at all. The doctor may simply not want to treat a patient further, and subject to the condition I stated above, he/she may dismiss a patient.

[looking for answers]

your correct, arrangements were not made to see another doctor and for care. that's my point. it was set up as a second opinion

[notloki]

Doctors can drop you for no reason; if there is an ongoing medical problem requiring treatment they can discharge you from their care if there is a referral to an appropriate person to continue this care. I have had this happen to a friend, all they had to do is give them a name of another doc. Docs here discharge you for missing an appointment without proper notice given by the patient to the doctor. Doctors drop patients who will not follow their treatment plans, what is the reason to see a doc if you don't follow their treatment plan ?

Edited September 15, 2017 by notloki

[jt07]

Looking for answers, why are you beating this dead horse? They obviously don't want to see you anymore. Do you really want care from a doctor who doesn't want to see you? I would leave it alone and move on. As per your other posts, you have iop coming up and your gdoc is writing scripts to cover you until then. To me it sounds like you are well positioned and are not left dangling. 

[looking for answers]

k

[looking for answers]

the 200 seroquel is doing nothing. the 1mg klonopin can't keep me calm i'm spiraling 

[notloki]

I agree with the post above me. Move on. You are PAYING for the docs service, you are the boss.

[looking for answers]

you guys aren't getting it. im not stable. im

not on meds that are working. i hve no one who will adjust or manage them. pcp agreed to s what i had and increase the seroquel 100mg to 200mg. which has effectively done nothing but lessen the sedation. 

[jt07]

1 hour ago, looking for answers said:

you guys aren't getting it.

I do get it. You are suffering and are desperate for help. Unfortunately, the wheels of mental health care grind slowly and you have to be patient. If you need help right now then you have to go to the ER. That's the only way I know to be seen immediately.

Keep in mind that finding the right meds can take a long time. It's not just a matter of your meds not working so you switch to meds that do work because you have no idea beforehand which meds will work for you. And it's always a waiting game each time a new med is tried.

[jt07]

I think you would benefit from seeing a therapist also because you need someone to help you calm down and look at things realistically.

[looking for answers]

been doing that for years.....

guess it's easier to say when ur stable and actually can hve someone help u, btw i've been to

two

seperate er's

[looking for answers]

i'm sorry @jt07 i'm just so down, so beat up, and so sick of trying, can't even get help going to the hospital........ and i know the meds r a process , which is even more depressing knowing that once i actually get help it may be a long while, i get it, i just give up

[jt07]

I don't want to get into the suffering olympics, but just so you know it took me 3/4 of my entire life to find some semblance of stability, and I'm much older than you. That's what I mean by it takes a lot of time. I've gone through more than 10 psychiatrists and have had over 20 years of therapy. It's a long, difficult road. I'm not trying to discourage you. You might be one of the lucky ones that hit on the right meds sooner rather than later. I can't possibly know that.

2 minutes ago, looking for answers said:

i'm sorry @jt07 i'm just so down, so beat up, and so sick of trying, can't even get help going to the hospital........ and i know the meds r a process , which is even more depressing knowing that once i actually get help it may be a long while, i get it, i just give up

Don't give up. As I said, you might be one of the lucky ones who hit on the right meds very soon. I am treatment resistant and that's why it took me so long. You are just starting. The important thing is that there is a helpful med or cocktail out there.

[Iceberg]

I thought I'd never get better. I was just biding time to end it. Then I found a great pdoc and it literally turned my life around. I went from missing almost a years worth of high school ECT, and being hospitalized 3 (and 1/2) times to being on the deans list last semester. Sometimes the turnaround is agonizing, but it's usually there. Of course there's the waiting...waiting...waiting...

but there are a million combos and a million docs...don't give up on urself 

[looking for answers]

12 minutes ago, jt07 said:

I don't want to get into the suffering olympics, but just so you know it took me 3/4 of my entire life to find some semblance of stability, and I'm much older than you. That's what I mean by it takes a lot of time. I've gone through more than 10 psychiatrists and have had over 20 years of therapy. It's a long, difficult road. I'm not trying to discourage you. You might be one of the lucky ones that hit on the right meds sooner rather than later. I can't possibly know that.

Don't give up. As I said, you might be one of the lucky ones who hit on the right meds very soon. I am treatment resistant and that's why it took me so long. You are just starting. The important thing is that there is a helpful med or cocktail out there.

i'm sorry it took you that long. discouraging at best

2 minutes ago, Iceberg said:

I thought I'd never get better. I was just biding time to end it. Then I found a great pdoc and it literally turned my life around. I went from missing almost a years worth of high school ECT, and being hospitalized 3 (and 1/2) times to being on the deans list last semester. Sometimes the turnaround is agonizing, but it's usually there. Of course there's the waiting...waiting...waiting...

but there are a million combos and a million docs...don't give up on urself 

ect that helped?

[jt07]

I've never done ECT, but if my cocktail ever fails and there are no new meds, then I will definitely do ECT.

[Iceberg]

Yes it helped...it helped quicker and more effectively when I combined it with clozaril 

[looking for answers]

i'm very afraid of ect and would like to attempt some meds first

[Iceberg]

Well that makes sense... Is there a lot you haven't tried? Clozaril was a Hail Mary for me but it really worked 

[looking for answers]

since they changed my diagnosis to bipola, i hve tried nothing! seroquel to 200mg

 

i was on lamictal up to 350mg but it didn't do much a while back

 

i had a genesight test though and i hyper metabolize lamictal and it was messing with my kidneys so we never really saw if it worked or not 

[Iceberg]

Could u go up on seroquel? 

[looking for answers]

no doctore

[jt07]

When do they expect to be able to get you into IOP?

[Blahblah]

10 hours ago, looking for answers said:

i'm sorry @jt07 i'm just so down, so beat up, and so sick of trying, can't even get help going to the hospital........ and i know the meds r a process , which is even more depressing knowing that once i actually get help it may be a long while, i get it, i just give up

I hear you and I completely understand the sick of trying, wanting to give up in hopelessness. If I had answers and remission from my issues, i wouldn't be posting here myself several times per day.

Yes, there are days (maybe weeks) where I find stability, I try to grasp on, and yet inevitably, it never lasts. I've never managed to get to the place I want to be. In my 20 years of seeking help, I've been hospitalized 3 times, tried 30 different meds/combos, gone to at least a dozen therapists (all different modalities) and half-dozen psychiatrists. (Note, I'm not in anyway trying to "one-up" people here, I just want to give you an idea of how hard I'm trying and how difficult this road is for everyone here). I really hope you can find a therapist, decent pdoc, meds or something that at least helps a little bit - and SOON!!!

[looking for answers]

9 hours ago, jt07 said:

When do they expect to be able to get you into IOP?

well 5 weeks ago they told me 1 week. and a week ago they told me 2-3 more weeks at least so i have no idea .

[jt07]

I would call around and get an appointment with a new psychiatrist. It might be 3 months from now, but time is moving. Better 3 months from today than 3 months from next week, if you understand what I'm saying. That way, you will have a backup. You can always cancel, but make an appointment just to be safe.

[looking for answers]

problem is i have called around! i can't find anyone, no one even calls back

[jt07]

Did you call the ones that are on your insurance's list of insured providers? If that doesn't work, try calling a hospital referral line. They usually can tell you which psychiatrists are accepting new patients. That's how I found my current psychiatrist.

[looking for answers]

my insurance companies provider list is 17 pages long and outdated. but yes i called them

 

i also called a list from www.healthgrades.com

 

i also called the psych hospital

zilch

 

[jt07]

Call the physician referral line of a large hospital (not psych hospital) in your area and see what they say.

[looking for answers]

i actually did that as well they were about 4-6 months of accepting patients 

[jt07]

I think that you should take an appointment even if it is 4 months out. That way you will have a backup plan. As I said, you can always cancel it if you get a psychiatrist sooner, but if you can't you will be be facing waiting 4 months from whenever you do decide to take it. Better sooner than later. If you had taken the 4 month appointment earlier, you'd probably already be within 3 months of the appointment. So make an appointment.

It's called hoping for the best while planning for the worst. 

[looking for answers]

thats true, i was told to let the iop put me in contact with outpatient dr

[jt07]

3 minutes ago, looking for answers said:

i was told to let the iop put me in contact with outpatient dr

Yes, do that. But make the appointment anyway. You can always cancel it.

[looking for answers]

5 hours ago, jt07 said:

Yes, do that. But make the appointment anyway. You can always cancel it.

You're absolutely right, and i got in touch with my therapist,. THe IOP told me stop seeing him since i was going there, well that was a while ago, he is getting me in tommorow. THank you for your help. I do apologize for being a dick

14 hours ago, Blahblah said:

I hear you and I completely understand the sick of trying, wanting to give up in hopelessness. If I had answers and remission from my issues, i wouldn't be posting here myself several times per day.

Yes, there are days (maybe weeks) where I find stability, I try to grasp on, and yet inevitably, it never lasts. I've never managed to get to the place I want to be. In my 20 years of seeking help, I've been hospitalized 3 times, tried 30 different meds/combos, gone to at least a dozen therapists (all different modalities) and half-dozen psychiatrists. (Note, I'm not in anyway trying to "one-up" people here, I just want to give you an idea of how hard I'm trying and how difficult this road is for everyone here). I really hope you can find a therapist, decent pdoc, meds or something that at least helps a little bit - and SOON!!!

SOrry, i missed this. THis seems absurd that we cant get help when were trying. THey tell you there is help, they tell you theres crisis lines, they tell you if you need it, its there. THen you cant get shit. If i can in anyone help you,even by lending an ear, just message me

14 hours ago, Blahblah said:

I hear you and I completely understand the sick of trying, wanting to give up in hopelessness. If I had answers and remission from my issues, i wouldn't be posting here myself several times per day.

Yes, there are days (maybe weeks) where I find stability, I try to grasp on, and yet inevitably, it never lasts. I've never managed to get to the place I want to be. In my 20 years of seeking help, I've been hospitalized 3 times, tried 30 different meds/combos, gone to at least a dozen therapists (all different modalities) and half-dozen psychiatrists. (Note, I'm not in anyway trying to "one-up" people here, I just want to give you an idea of how hard I'm trying and how difficult this road is for everyone here). I really hope you can find a therapist, decent pdoc, meds or something that at least helps a little bit - and SOON!!!

sheer curiosity i see its MDD. Have they ever thought the diagnosis was wrong, or that a different med class..........have you tried ect, or TMS

[thunder]

Is there a community clinic near you? Often, these places can put you on the waitlist/cancellation list for all the providers in the clinic and then get you in with whoever has an opening first. It may still be months out, but it's better than nothing. I'm surprised, especially given that it sounds like you're in an area with a decent population, that neither your therapist nor your GP is able to refer you to anyone who is taking new patients, or will at the very least put you on a cancellation/wait list with a referral. 

[looking for answers]

community centers r way backed up n ur as suprised as me

[jt07]

So how did your appointment go?

[Level_With_Me]

Personally I have no clue how you feel because most of my psychiatrists listen to the details of my symptoms. I have no clue what my diagnosis is but personally I would say Bipolar. The docs keep changing it but yea keep your head up. Right now Im on Zoloft,Gabapentin,Depakote,Abilify, and I take Synthroid but thats for my hypothyroidism. Right now Im in a inpatient rehab for ppl with substance abuse and mental illness and I am doing well.

 

[Essobonaire]

Hi guys, I'm new to this site but can relate to 'looking for answers'.  And could use a site like this. I was diagnosed bipolar and borderline personality disorder at 14. I am now 38. I have been in and out of residential treatment facility due to attempted suicides and self harm. I have also been put on every medley of drugs. I now live in the Bahamas and my shrink is an idiot albeit Harvard educated. I've seen him since I moved here but doesn't listen to me at all. In fact he's make countless personal call while I'm paying him $150 for less than 30 min and sitting in his office ?. I tell him the Wellbutrin makes me too manic yet he's still got me on it, which I'll admit I do not take, 25 mg of Seroquel and 2 mg of clonazapam 2x a day. I absolutely hate the Seroquel. It does not help with my anxiety, heart palpitations and I wake up, eventually, in a pissy mood, groggy, depressed, agitated....Sometimes a quarter puts me to sleep and a whole one I'll sleep till 2pm even if I take it early. My doc says if I take it regularly I won't feel pill hungover but that's bs, I've tried to take it regularly. I love the clonazapam so I take that. I'm sorry your doc is so unsympathetic to your condition. They have no idea what we go through. Like me not sleeping at all last night. Was up at 7am yesterday and it's now 6:33am est. But I'm wired of course. I don't know if this was any help. But I'm glad to be a part of this community. God bless you all and like someone else said, "don't give up". I know it's easier said than done but we can all help one another. 

[looking for answers]

i'm so sorry to hear tha. are there other dr available

[jt07]

@looking for answers, how did your appointment go last week? How are you doing?

[looking for answers]

5 minutes ago, jt07 said:

@looking for answers, how did your appointment go last week? How are you doing?

it was ok. the psychologist said "you need meds" 

 

gave me me some relaxation techniques will continue to follow him until i can get into iop i really like him. i started to see him from a different therapist.the iop told me to cancel bc i'd be seeing their ppl. so i did. but that was weeks ago.

 

i have a pcp appointment this week. he made it 5 weeks ago bc he wanted to see how i was doing in the iop. silly him it hasn't started but i'm gonna ask him to bump my seroquel or klonopin up. i'm suckin at work. or a different benzo he's more comfortable with, more

frequwntly 

[jt07]

Sounds like a plan. Any idea when IOP will open up?