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I hate being lied to.  i don't need my f***ing feelings to be protected or to be judged too stupid to know the truth.  all it does is make my anxiety worse when people can't be honest and i can't trust anyone to be direct.  how does it help someone to lie, even if the truth hurts??????????  especially when they aren't dumb enough to buy it.

i'm not stupid  ;)

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well luckily today i'm not allowing myself to ruminate about it much.  when i start thinking about it though my heart just sinks a few feet so i know it's still painful.  basically because someone doesn't like me, that person has kind of gone behind my back and then nobody is really coming out and being honest with me about it.  i wish i had more faith, but then again, how would it help me?  to just go through life thinking i'm right and everything else is wrong.  i know it's the opposite and i'd rather people acknowledge it than feed me a bunch of crap. sometimes it would be easier to 'believe the lie' (x-files).  haha.  anyway, i don't do anything easy.  so i'll just suffer and pretend like i buy it, with a big old smile on my face.

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