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Depressed fear just everything


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This is depression and eating disorder mix not sure where to post...so struggling with a deep depression and on vacation which is ok enough when doing stuff but when slowed down mood sinks back to the depression and suicidal thoughts and feelings...I wake up sluggish and tired still not wanting to get out of bed..my family is triggering and it's just a struggle things took a major change in my life and whole families in December and I was in a shocked state but didn't build the reserves for when it all hit and now feeling that...my PTSD is horrible and working out meds. And possibility of ECT or so mentioned. I fear when I get home I won't be able to maintain my weight and then it will mean a higher level of care. I fear when I get home I will end up in the hospital anyway because last time I came home from a weekend with my parents I was close to being hospitalized...just scared and depressed and faking it on vacation but I am so tired..

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I have been in inpatient and residential and psych hospitals and wards I just don't want to leave work but the depression might win over that anyway...and if it gets to an unsafe point I know it won't matter anyway ...

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Who's been managing your care, e.g., a psychiatrist or your primary care physician? Can you talk with him/her about your concerns? You may just need some help identifying your support system while on vacation, and if things are lacking in that area, you may feel safer staying with a higher level of care. Either way, please talk to your care team. 

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Well mostly my therapist we were supposed to touch base yesterday but she was sick. I am supposed to talk to her today but I don't know when as we are busy with vacation stuff. I see her Wednesday when I get home so soonish but I hope to talk to her today at some point. I know home will be back to the issues and downfall from vacation.. I am scared of going to a higher level of care having to get the time off work...I am a head teacher at a daycare I have been very private about my issues hospitalized once for a week while working there but no longer just things have gotten bad...

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