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I cut to feel some relief from my agony

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Tonight just like any other night that goes where I'm utterly a useless piece of flesh to all who knows me. Including my kids. I wanted to ACTUALLY slit my throat. I took a few shots and grabbed my favorite slicer amd locked my room amd lockef myzelf in the bathroom.  I started cutting. It relieves so much pain and anger but NOT this time. My wrists weren't enough. I took the blade to my throat ti see gow it felt. Great... some actual relief. STILL NOT ENOUGH i almost slit my throat and right before I did my 4 year old knocked on my door. So i stsbbed the wall. Is this too far? Should i get check myself in somewhere? I will liise my children to cps. My psychiatrist has given me everything he can on the highest level. What can i do? 

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