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Struggling and therapist stuff


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Back from vacation and like my therapist thought I have regressed more. I was a little less depressed on vacation but now back home it is back. My therapist says she knows I am depressed but with my anorexia if I get too malnourished it will make it worse. If I go back to a higher level of care she said I have a lot to lose my job, living on my own, my friends and even her and she is important to me as we have a good relationship but she said it must not be working I said it's not that. She said it would not change how she cares about me but she would refer me out... I can't but if I can't keep my weight up she feels 10 years and back at square one is not a good sign and something is not working. I can't handle that I just don't know what to do I am struggling and it just sucks to be where I am. I can't lose her it's not that she is not important to me I just feel so miserable...

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I'm very sorry you are feeling so bad. I know your therapist is important to you, but she might be right to refer you out to someone else. It's uncomfortable for you, I know, but then again we never grow unless we step outside our comfort zone.

I can relate to being more depressed after a vacation. I always get more depressed after a vacation because it's like real life comes back and hits me in the face. I face the same old situation and same old reminders of my depression.

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I don't think there would be a point to a higher level of care if i lost her as my therapist i think it would make me more depressed she said seh would refer me out but i am not starting over it took me 6 years to trust her I don't trust easily and it would be awful we are close and i get it is out of my comfort zone but i just can't do it my therapist is different there is no one else like her. I have seen a lot of therapist and i hate them all she is unconventional and i don't think i could take another therapist most to me have been awful and i see no point and just get worse and lie to them...and i never want to talk about my trauma to anyone else that took so long and i am not starting over there...

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That sounds like a tough place to be in. On the one hand, I can see where your therapist is coming from, as she may feel like you need more intensive treatment than she has either the training or availability to provide. On the other hand, when your really unstable is the hardest time to get established with a new provider, even when you want to start working with someone new. I'm assuming your therapist would also like to avoid referring you to a higher level of care if at all possible, so can you talk to her about what steps you can take to keep this from happening. That is, ask her to explain where she draws the line on feeling what she can do is not enough, and then identify what some steps are that you can take, that feel possible with where you're currently at, to try to get/stay well enough that you don't end up needing more intensive treatment? 

Edited by thunder
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Thanks for your advice. She doesn't want to make me go to a higher level of care or I don't think she wants to refer me to another therapist or I hope she doesn't because that makes me just sad she said she would still care about me but I can't imagine not working with her .i have to do all in my power to avoid this situation I am just struggling to stay above water...depression is soul crushing and I told her it's like the dementors in Harry Potter as it really is.

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