Drinking in Moderation

[daisy]

I'm not an alcoholic, but I do abuse alcohol. I want to give up alcohol except for the occasional drink here or there and for special occasions. It's become such a habit to come home and drink that it's been hard to break... especially when my fiance is also drinking -- and peer-pressuring me. I've abused alcohol since I started drinking at 18, but it only happened occasionally. Now it happens nearly every night. For my general health and for weight loss (and because I don't want to become an alcoholic), this is unacceptable to me. A lot of it is self-medicating my anxiety, but it's just not the right way. I was prescribed naltrexone today, and I'm hopeful it will help. (Although I think I'll start after Labor Day so I can celebrate!)

I obviously don't want to do an abstinence program as it's not for me. (Unless I find I am unable to cut back.) However, I think I would benefit from moderation management books, programs, or anything like that.  I think I could learn some lifestyle changes I could make to make breaking this habit easier... because I just don't think a medication is going to do all of the work for me, and I don't want to stay on it forever anyways. Does anybody have any recommendations?

[jt07]

I was only able to give up alcohol by making changes in my lifestyle and life situation. Some of them were big such as moving to a new apartment. As long as you are in the same situation with the same triggers you will always be tempted to drink.

[daisy]

3 hours ago, jt07 said:

I was only able to give up alcohol by making changes in my lifestyle and life situation. Some of them were big such as moving to a new apartment. As long as you are in the same situation with the same triggers you will always be tempted to drink.

Well, I'm definitely unable to move, as I own my house outright and don't have to pay a mortgage. However, I'm studying to get my teaching certification and hope to be off disability within a year and be a teacher. I'll be married in June, but my fiance is a bigger drinker than I am. I'm not sure what changes I can make. Any ideas? I do think a therapist will help, even though my reasons for drinking aren't exactly complex. I may not be an alcoholic, but I am a problem drinker and I'm not ashamed to admit that I need help in fixing that.

[survivingbp]

I gave up alcohol completely after suffering bad from alcohol abuse. I have been alcohol free for a while now - I can't drink at all - and it gets a lot easier with time. At the beginning, I would not have been able to do it myself, but I had accountability. There were consequences that made me stop. The initial part is the hardest and if you can have some accountability, that will go a long way. 

 

 

Edited October 4, 2017 by survivingbp

[thunder]

Does your fiance know you're trying to quit/cut back? Would he be willing to limit his drinking around you? Having alcohol readily available definitely makes it harder not to drink, especially at first. 

[daisy]

On 9/5/2017 at 0:36 PM, thunder said:

Does your fiance know you're trying to quit/cut back? Would he be willing to limit his drinking around you? Having alcohol readily available definitely makes it harder not to drink, especially at first. 

He does, and is not willing to limit his drinking around me. Actually, last night, he kind of peer-pressured me into drinking. It's something I'm going to discuss with him tonight. I know we have fun drinking together. I get it. And it's not just me who has to get out of the habit of drinking. He's got to get out of the habit of me drinking as well. But he's just gotta accept that I'm sticking to a couple of drinks on special occasions and maybe a drink -- and by a drink, I literally mean ONE drink, not like the "one drinks" he makes -- every week or so. When I have control over my drinking, then I'm fine adding a few more drinks in. I'll see what's best for me after I maintain my goal for a while. But right now, I have the ability to take control over alcohol before alcohol controls me. If I keep going the way I'm going, I won't be able to. I'm going to have to explain that to him and tell him that it's the best thing for the BOTH of us that I start controlling my drinking habits now.

[jt07]

51 minutes ago, daisy said:

He does, and is not willing to limit his drinking around me. Actually, last night, he kind of peer-pressured me into drinking. It's something I'm going to discuss with him tonight. I know we have fun drinking together. I get it. And it's not just me who has to get out of the habit of drinking. He's got to get out of the habit of me drinking as well. But he's just gotta accept that I'm sticking to a couple of drinks on special occasions and maybe a drink -- and by a drink, I literally mean ONE drink, not like the "one drinks" he makes -- every week or so. When I have control over my drinking, then I'm fine adding a few more drinks in. I'll see what's best for me after I maintain my goal for a while. But right now, I have the ability to take control over alcohol before alcohol controls me. If I keep going the way I'm going, I won't be able to. I'm going to have to explain that to him and tell him that it's the best thing for the BOTH of us that I start controlling my drinking habits now.

If he loves you, he should respect you on this. He definitely should not be pressuring you into drinking. I applaud you for deciding to get a handle on your drinking. That's a big decision that a lot of people have problems making.

[daisy]

1 hour ago, jt07 said:

If he loves you, he should respect you on this. He definitely should not be pressuring you into drinking. I applaud you for deciding to get a handle on your drinking. That's a big decision that a lot of people have problems making.

I think he'll respect me on this once I talk to him about it, which I haven't really done in a clear manner. I don't think he takes me seriously because I've talked about cutting down on my drinking a lot of times before and I haven't really done anything about it. And I honestly don't think he noticed that I have already cut down my alcohol consumption in half... and I never actually said anything to him about it. But that doesn't mean I still don't drink too much! I'll be honest -- I decided to start this new goal because of weight loss. I have gained so much in the past year since I really started drinking and I have 65 pounds to lose before my wedding in June -- and I already have the dress! But the more I thought about it, I the more I wanted to do it because I realized I was a problem drinker and I wanted to do it for general health reasons and so I don't become an alcoholic. I have enough mental health problems... I don't need to add addiction into the mix! I think if I explain it to him like that, it will make more sense. After all, he doesn't want to get married to and have kids with an alcoholic! I'd like to talk to him about cutting down as well. Mostly for his health and because he's also drinking way too much, but I don't think he'll go for the reason of health, but he's gained as much weight as I have in the past year, so maybe I'll convince him by telling him we should both lose weight for the wedding! If we do it together, it would be so much easier!

It seems like it would be a big decision, but it really isn't. When it comes down to it, alcohol doesn't really add anything to my life. Granted, it isn't the fun decision. I'm not saying it's not fun to go out and have drinks with friends or drink some beer while watching football. It is, and I'm not saying I won't do that in the future once I feel I am fully in control of my drinking. But alcohol doesn't MEAN anything to me. I'd much rather be skinny, healthy, and in control of my life. That makes it a really easy decision. (But just because it's an easy decision to me doesn't mean it won't be a hard habit to break.)

[Jupiter7]

There was a long part of my life where I couldn't even have 1 beer, I was off to the races. I think I was a person who was abusing alcohol and a drunk who was addicted to alcohol. Because I just feel like I grew out of that. I can drink moderately now. Everytime I have drank, it has been just the amount I wanted, unlike the past. I used to drink till I couldn't walk, talk, etc... It was really like a thing for the medical books or something. Probably not that much, but my highest BAC @ a hospital was .500. I was telling my friend the other day. I could've died from overdose or blood poisoning or something. so yeah.

 

[Ion]

I was abusing alcohol as self-medication for anxiety and depression. This was a number of years ago now and I now drink moderately. I didn't go to a therapist, but I think that sounds very useful if you have access to one. An accountability buddy who is also trying to cut down on drinking could also be very helpful. With drinking I made a set of rules about when I was allowed to drink, and how much. It sounds like you've done that. From quitting self-harm I also found that it was extremely important to find other things to replace what the unhealthy coping mechanism was doing for me. Definitely getting your fiance on board will make a huge difference if he is the person you usually drink with, so good luck explaining to him how important this is and I hope he can be a good support

[philosophin]

Use DBT skills.  I can teach you them if you haven't done DBT and a program is not available/not financially feasible for you.  I'm in what's regarded as one of the best DBT programs in the country, EBTCS in Seattle.  DBT was developed by Marsha Linehan from the University of Washington.

How much are you drinking and what's your poison?  I drink cocktails, mostly gin or vodka based.  I am trying to cut back because it's just not good for my health in multiple ways--and it costs a lot!  I set a goal to drink no more than 7 drinks in a week.  At one point, I would drink four a day...yikes!