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Dating sites and talking sex before meeting


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I have left this in this category because I feel it is impacting my health.

I have been on many dating sites and met  lot of guys, but many times guys will bring it up without meeting. It bugs me because I feel "tempted" but I struggle. Is it the symptoms? Is it normal? Should I let my guard down?
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If it makes you uncomfortable, it's wrong. Period. All you need to do -and feel free to cut and paste this- is say "I want to get to know you better and certainly meet you in person before I consider a sexual dimension in our relationship." 

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I would find it pushy, but it all depends on what you feel comfortable with. If they bring it up that early, it's probably a sign that they are looking for sex more than a relationship. If casual sex is one of the things you are looking for it could be a good match, but if you are looking for something different it's more helpful to say that up front

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I'm pretty sure if they want to talk about sex before you even meet, sex is on the agenda early on. I personally think it would be better to meet first and even then not necessarily have it as a first date topic. But then, I'm adamant now first dates are coffee only, which I find cuts some of the expectations. Then when sex as a topic comes up, we can discuss safe sex. That puts a damper on some of what I don't want. Keep in mind that I had sex too early too often in the past, so now I do things differently so as not to repeat that. 

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I kinda think that is one of the equally fascinating/maddening attributes of the bipolar mind. All of the different perspectives that we have trained ourselves to analyze things from. 

What is their motivation? What do they want? Are they sincere? Am I setting myself up to be taken advantage of?

Then.. there is the other side.. are my feelings sincere? Is this another episode of the affliction manipulating my mind into making an impulsive decision?

Then there is the other, other side.. Do I even care to evaluate any of it? Life is worth living.. so, I am gonna live it. If that means I make terrible decisions that come with terrible consequences, so be it. I am gonna have my fun regardless of what anybody else thinks of it!

With those perspectives in mind, past mistakes have led me to be more conscious of what might be happening and try to avoid the consequences of me being impulsive. 

In the past few years, I have shyed away from any resemblance of a formal relationship. Until I can learn to trust myself to not overcommit emotionally, for me, it is not a risk worth taking. I'm tired of the guilt and regret of unintentionally hurting people. Tired of being betrayed by the opportunists that I foolishly believe in. For the sake of my fleeting sanity,  I have got to break that cycle.

So, in regards to your question? It is very healthy to question things. Temptation will always be there. The internet is a human petting zoo. If you know where to look, anything you could ever fall for is constantly peeking over the fence with pathetic pleading eyes. Society puts so much pressure on being 'in a relationship'. Adding the appearance being happy in that same relationship is the next layer of pressure. The more you let your guard down, the more vulnerable to that influence you will become. A desperate desire to 'fit in' comes with its own emotional pitfalls.

Focus on what is healthy for you. If you crave stability, I wouldn't be seeing any potential for security or happiness in those who put the cart before horse. Nothing will challenge that sensibility more than a manic episode.

The whole idea of interpreting perspectives isnt very easy. Everybody has different expectations. Different decisions have to be made to please different people. Everything contradicts. It is your life to live. Experience takes exposure. Wisdom takes time. We have to make mistakes before we eventually gain the proper perspective to learn enough from it all and not repeat them, right? 

Online dating? The vast majority of the time I avoid the temptation entirely. When I relent and delve into the petting zoo, I am now fully honest about mutually dysfunctional expectations and scratch that itch without risk or regret. I do not get attached. Fair compromise. No harm done.

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