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Had a much better session with therapist.


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Had a great session with my therapist feeling better about so much. She feels i am not depressed though not discounting my feelings but she feels i am feeling great sadness over events in my life that are sad and i have a right to those feelings. she feels my symptoms are just who I am like not wanting to go out, not wanting to go to work etc. I just want to be on my own she feels maybe I just have to sit in my feelings and its just i want to be alone and its not isolation i am just a bit of a homebody and its who I am and its not a bad thing. I just have to not use negative coping mechanism as she feels i know and she knows it does not actually help me. I just sit there and feel bad and then I want to restrict and cut for the instant relief. she feels i can do this and get out of it. i just don't understand feelings i ask her if it is ok to feel a certain way about things and she always says yes my feelings are ok but i need to be reassured as i have a severe history of long term abuse, a family who does not talk about feelings then spent years in therapy where i was pathologized and told what i was. she said she doesn't want to focus on the food but i have to eat she even teared up in our session yesterday over my past and sad i am so sad right now she just wants me to be ok and happy in my skin. she talked to my psychiatrist as well and they feel maybe i just need to be me and not have to be the happy one all the time and just be free to feel my feelings and be ok. I have to do the work and it won't be easy but she knows i can do it. but i still need to gain weight she gave me a hug and said i felt boney so she said go eat but like i said she doesn't want to just focus on the food but i have to be healthy.I have my nutritionist for the food aspect and still working with my psychiatrist who i see Tuesday but I feel better from my session yesterday i was feeling suicidal and maybe still a little so but i have to focus on everything else. still feeling sad what i feel is depression but my therapist says i am reacting to things that are sad and this year has been no picnic. a lot happened so it makes sense

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I'm glad that your session went better. I'm surprised that your treatment team isn't looking at making some sort of med change. Yes, learning to sit with uncomfortable feelings is important, but there is a difference between "normal" negative feelings and things caused by our mental illnesses. Feeling suicidal, to me, is not a normal reaction to sad things in our lives. And even if sad and stressful things are happening in our lives, that doesn't mean that they aren't amplified by mental illness or that we don't have a harder time coping with them because of our illnesses. I wonder if you would have an easier time with some of the negative coping mechanisms, such as cutting and restricting, if you had some help from medication to decrease some of the emotional intensity. 

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I take 45mg of Remeron, titrated up in 15mg increments one week at a time. I find the Remeron doesn't make me sleepy, except the first couple nights at a given dose. Then my body got used to it and it's no problem. I have trouble sleeping though. Now I take it with trazodone at bedtime. I do find that I get hungry at night (like, after I went to bed) and have weird, vivid dreams about food. This all seems to wear off by morning though. I struggle with reduced appetite.

I hope the Remeron helps you! Note that the lower doses are generally more drowsy-making while the higher doses are more effective at antidepressant stuff, so you're moving in the right direction for that. Don't give up hope on it just because 15mg wasn't enough :) 

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8 hours ago, Hermione said:

I am having a medication change currently but my team does not feel all of my stuff is chemical still doing med changes though. Just starting on 30 of remeron which is new supposed to make tired and also hungry .

 

 

I guess I misunderstood and thought that your team wasn't doing anything with meds. Hopefully, the remeron helps. It's tough when you've got both chemical and situational things going on.

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