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Hi, nice to meet you! I don't really know what to say about myself. I'm 24years old, kind of awkward girl with kind of hazy mental health situation. I was bullied from kindergarten to my last year in high school, had no friends at all during that time. I was really depressed back then. I was always sick, didn't sleep more than 2hours per night... was suicidal back then. I think I got my first "friends" as 17years old, but after one year got isolated from that friend group and ended up alone again. I ended up not leaving my house much that year and focused on developing some eating disorder symtoms and started cutting. After starting my bachelor studies I got my first real friends at the age of 19. On a second year of my studies I was failing my grades, cutting and drinking a lot so then my friends forced me to get help for myself. I'm fortunate to have such a good friends now.

So I used to have depression between ages of 5 and 22. Now I'm doing much better, not depressed anymore. Stopped cutting 3years ago. My psychological nurse and school psychologist do say I probably have Avoidant Personality Disorder, but I haven't really been tested for it so... can't be sure about that one. I do strongly believe that people hate me and think I'm evil or disgusting. Lately this has been getting worse and I'm starting to avoid interacting with people again because of it. I do have dissociation symptoms from time to time, mostly depersonalization and derealization. This year has been good without many dissociation episodes so on that part I'm doing much better.

Sorry for this long, not really organized introduction of mine. I'm really trying to get better so that's why I'm actually here. Just searching a forum where it's okay to talk about these topics without bothering anyone.

Edited by BlackNGreen
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Hi and nice to meet you too, I'm new as well. I can relate to a lot of what you said, dealing with lack of friends, bullying, but that's great you have some support now. I feel like this will be a good place to talk where you can be free to be yourself, whatever that is ;-)

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Hello, BlackNGreen, and I apologize in advance for the first time I inadvertently call you Green&Black, which is my favorite brand of chocolate. Welcome to CB. There are a lot of people here who've experienced childhood depression and isolation. You're in good company.

Please feel free to PM me or one of the other mods if you need help navigating the site.

Gearhead

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