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depression or anxiety?


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I think I have severe anxiety, coupled with severe depression.  I have been off of my meds for a while, because they make me feel like a zombie, but I'm having severe panic attacks that are paralyzing me and keeping me in my apartment.  I got fired from my job a few months ago, and I barely make it out of the apartment.  My mind races when I even think about leaving, and it keeps me from getting anything done.  I'm trying to sign up for medical insurance so I can see a doctor, but I'm getting the runaround from the insurance companies.  I just started a new one, but I'm waiting to hear back from them before I can see anyone, because I've had this problem in the past, where I thought I was covered but I wasn't.  It's gotten to the point that I'm missing interviews because I can't sleep the night before.  I'm not sure if it's the depression or the anxiety that's stronger, but I can't seem to have an independent thought without my inner critic shooting it down.  I think I got this from my family, who are closed minded and kind ofo fucked up, too.  I really don't know what to do, but I guess for now I'm going to go back on medication and see what transpires from there.  My mind is pinballing all over the place, trying to figure out what's going to get me out of this slump.  I feel like one of those experimental airplanes in old film clips that can't get off the ground.  My only inspiration seems to be reading quotes by other people who have had similar problems.  I never understood the phrase "falling apart", because the more "put together" I try to make myself, the more "packed tight" I feel and like I'm trying to juggle and throw darts at the same time.  All of my windows are shut.  I just feel like whenever I try interacting with people, I don't fit in.  I feel like there is something wrong with me.  I can't picture myself ever being happy.  I know this is a long post but I had to get these feelings off my chest.

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Hi Sal.

Welcome to our boards.

Anxiety and depression often have an unhappy inter-relationship for many of us.  Depressive feelings can cause much anxiety and anxious feelings can lead to depression.  Its a chicken and egg  story and probably best left explained as one going hand and hand with the other.

I wish you luck with your insurance and seeking a new dr.  If possible, you should request a diagnosis of your condition in the first session, and then appropriate treatment (whether that be therapy, medication or both).  Too often we go along for the medical ride for too long, without even being diagnosed properly -  in which case how can they treat us properly?

If you want to talk about therapy or medication, please find the relevant areas of our boards and our community will endeavour to help you and add personal experiences from which you may find some resolve.

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