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depressed and suicidal on some level...


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I almost want to be hospitalized even if it is a psych ward which are miserable i am just depressed and feel there is no way out...i should just tell my therapist i am suicidal and she will probably hosptialize me i have like 2 weeks worth of sick time so I could take the time off and get paid if it is just like a week or 2 but i have been suicidal and am scared almost that i will act on it i had a dream that i did I didn't die in the dream but i did it how i would plan to do it...idk would i do it I can't answer that...

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Have you ever been hospitalized before? I haven't, so I don't know if it's "miserable" or not. But I can tell you this: if you are suicidal, get help IMMEDIATELY. Don't wait like I did. You deserve better than to feel as bad as you must be feeling. I'll  pray for you. Stay strong! I too have been suicidal before and know what it feels like when "there is no way out". Take as much time as you need to heal :)

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I have been hospitalized many times... I know I should reach out to my team or go to a hospital but I am more scared of the stigma and judgement from other people like my family I am not sure I could go through with it but the pain is real and the thoughts are there but I always seem "fine" so when I go in no one expects it and they just don't understand...

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Thanks for the support. I see my therapist tomorrow and i am going to talk to her about all i am feeling and if she feels the need to hospitalize me then so be it i guess i have to accept it I am going to be honest with her but am scared at the same time no one will understand if that happens...

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I see my therapist today and am going to try to be honest about how I am feeling even though I am a little scared my text last night said sort of I give up and stuff that usually concerns her and she asks me if I need to be in the hospital I never know how to answer because I feel sometimes I do sometimes I will just get over it and be just fine in a few days like the storm will pass but I never know and I feel really bad right now...

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Everybody is a little scared of the hospital, but it's really not all that bad. In fact, I had quite a pleasant experience in the hospital. If you need the hospital, and it sounds like you do, then please get help. Be completely honest with your therapist and explain what you have told us. Most of all, don't worry. It can only get better.

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PLease do 1 of two things. 

call your therapist right now, and tell her you need a phone appointment at least and that your suicidal. Most therapists will do phone appointsments

otherwise go to the ER. if your truly worried, then take it seriously, you've been there before, dont worry about the stigma, worry about your well being. 
Im not in a good state right now either, and i truly hope that you are ok and you find some relief

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I didn't get in contact but I see my therapist tonight I just have to be open and honest she can't hospitalize me on thoughts and feelings but is it where I need to be I don't know I have to ask myself that she will say do you need to be in the hospital...who would really want to say yes I have been many times for this cause and no one understands because I seem fine it's so hard seeming fine when you are not and get judged and just it sucks...

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Could you explain a little more about getting judged for going into the hospital? I don't get that. I mean, why would anyone judge you because you're sick? Would they judge you if you had a heart attack? 

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No they wouldn't but there is such a stigma and my parents never get it when I go in and I almost feel ashamed I am too good at acting fine so it's like some big shock when it happens now someone if I do will have to take care of my cat and I am not all that worried about work though I would make up a story for why I was out but I have 2 weeks sick time built up... just it's my family and I hate telling friends my so happy act really does work too well

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Your family loves you, and they shouldn't judge you. Perhaps you are misreading this or looking at this through a lens that tells you  you should be ashamed? There is nothing to be ashamed of in getting help. I would encourage you not to put on a happy act around your family. I understand doing it for friends (I do it but maybe my friends aren't that close), but someone should be in the loop of what's going on with you. It doesn't really help you to put on an act in front of family.

Also, the stigma is mostly with society. Family should not stigmatize one they love. Of course, I don't know your family but it seems that if they love you then they will want the best for you.

I, personally, think that you should really look into going in the hospital rather than trying to fight this alone and going farther and farther down the rabbit hole. 

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2 hours ago, jt07 said:

Could you explain a little more about getting judged for going into the hospital? I don't get that. I mean, why would anyone judge you because you're sick? Would they judge you if you had a heart attack? 

sadly i agree, there is a mental health stigma. WHy doesnt everyone come out and blurt out im schizo, or im bipolar, or I ahev BPD. BEcause society judges. Whether they say they do or not, they do. ITs why in my fight right now the only people that know whats going on are my immediate family, and my ex. I plan to keep it that way. ITs also why I havent gone to the ER even though its probably in my best interest. I work in healthcare............i know how the stigmas hold.

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yea its hard my family just doesn't get it and society totally doesn't. but my family does love me but we do the act everything is an act its a difficult situation and complicated we are fake and that is what it is...i am scared i see my therapist soon and well we will see what happens. maybe just extra appointments will make a difference. but i dont' know i should just be honest about how i feel and missing work well i can make a lie for taht one if i end up in the hospital...why does it just have to be so complicated...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by Hermione
my cat typed...
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I saw my therapist and it helped a lot I feel a million times better I didn't go to the hospital she let me just talk it out and she was just wonderful and it really did get me feeling better when we talked it made a world of difference and she is a comfort to me I see her again tomorrow so I am happy about that it. She said I just need to get my feelings out they build too much and that's when I might go to far . 

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