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depersonalisation/derealisation, still so stuck, would appreciate advice


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I feel so alone with constant derealisation/depersonalisation (said to be all connected with anxiety/depression).  I feel like I'm constantly inhabiting another world and there's nothing I can do but run a mile from other people, because I don't know what would happen to my brain if those two 'worlds met'.  I feel so disconnected and debilitated emotionally and cognitively. I feel like a freak of nature.

I still can't access help that's suitable enough locally.  I'm still struggling to get the local team to agree to refer me to an anxiety inpatient unit.  They must know what my day to day life is like.  I don't want to waste any more of my life -- and I can't improve like this.  I need to be in a clinical environment with the ability to socialise face-to-face with people going through similar things, as that's honestly the only way I can see it improving.

It's takes me about an hour on a good day just to leave the house to go outside on a walk where I can be totally alone. Then I'm just petrified the whole time.  Someone can just walk past my eyeline metres away and I really startle. ANy tiny noise makes me want to throw up. I lose sensation in my limbs and get electrical sensations through my whole body. My nerves are just so on edge all the time. I can't see anthing straight in front of me  I feel really drugged up on something constantly but... it's just my brain!  Nothing makes sense, and it doesn't feel like I shouldn't be feeling the sensations that I'm feeling and existing at the same time.  I either feel almost dead or am consumed with extreme sensations.

Edited by theredthread
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Hi thank you both for your replies. :)

Iceberg, could you clarify why you ask?  I can't really think that clearly atm, and don't exactly know what you're asking.

Looking for answers:  No, unfortunately, I'm not seen as suitable for inpatient stay in a general psychiatric hospital because i have 'anxiety'.  I have a constant distortion of reality that inhibits my life in a simliar-ish way to psychosis but my local mental health team don't really understand dissocatiion that well, it seems like.  Some of what I deal with can be put down to panic disorder but I still get the sense they just think I'm exaggerating or something and they have no idea what's it's actually like for me.

I went out all day today with a friend and he's so supportive but I honestly feel like I'm in hell. 

Thanks again x

 

Edited by theredthread
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On 16/09/2017 at 9:38 PM, Iceberg said:

Sorry...I meant have any meds worked for your illness (the anxiety depression trigger part) in the past meaning if you treat the depression/anxiety does it help with the disassociation 

Don't be sorry!  I just wanted to clarify. :) I've tried pretty much all of the medications offered to me, including things prescribed off-label such as quetiapine.  I seem to have a really strong reaction to pretty much all medications, either that, or I note absolutely no difference after 2-3 months. I've never noticed anything positive,  and trust me I've wanted them to help more than anything. It only seems to make getting out the house even harder and my brain even more zombie-like to the point where I don't fee like a person at all, sleep 16 hours a day and feel even more like a prisoner in my mind. :/ And give me urinary incontinence <_< Etc etc etc. And then family and MH professionals just tell me I'm probably making up the side effects or blame all these new symptoms on my mental health  -- which is just a mess!!!

 

I hope you're doing okay yourself.

Edited by theredthread
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Thanks for you replies -- sorry for not getting back sooner.

I just don't know what is going on anymore.  My brain is just mush.  I have this appointment with a psychiatrist on the 26th September. A friend is coming with me and we're going to try and get him to agree to refer to me to this severe anxiety inpatient unit.  That's what would help me, rather than ECT, or whatever.  It's awkward but what I really need is some day-to-day care and therapy in a social environment that I'm safe in in this current state.  I basically need to rehabilitated into the world because of cut off I've got with panic attacks and resulting agoraphobia and everything else.

I think part of the problem is that no one really seems to get how serious it is despite the fact that there's so much I jsut can't do. They still don't REALLY know what's wrong with me.  I basically seem to have symptoms of PTSD but the truth of why I got in that state isn't acceptable to MH professionals, let alone anyone else, because it's to do with growing with with undiagnosed aspergers and severe social problems plus unending bullying, misunderstanding and rejection that honestly destroyed my development, and not a more widely recognised/relatably traumatic experience.

I was severely depressed with suicidality up until the past month or two, but they basically just came and saw me and thought I was being deliberately unresponsive.   I'm also pretty sure I have aspergers (techincally AS) -- yes, I'm self-diagnosed, but I also know the kind of struggles with myself I've dealt with for as long as I can remember how much all this contributed to my mental health problems.  They won't take me for a proper assessment.  They also don't really know how bad the dissociative stuff is in it's own right.

Haha, that's the first time I've been called that, but thanks! :)

I just feel so demoralised and confused.  I just don't know what the hell is going on.

Edited by theredthread
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Hi, I'm another derealization/depersonalization sufferer. Been suffering with it for 18 months now, triggered by a huge panic attack last year. I've been in and out of the mental hospital for suicidal ideations caused by this strange unreal feeling all the time. I totally get where you are coming from. It's a chore to live day-to-day like this. Everything feels like you are drunk or drugged up all the time. Reality feels "unreal".

I too have a hard time getting the professionals to understand what is going on with me. Instead, they diagnosed me with Borderline Personality Disorder. :/ I know I don't have this disorder at all. I am not making my symptoms up.

I've been trying all kinds of meds to get rid of the resulting depression and anxiety. Right now, the combo i am on seems to be helping a little. I still feel derealized but I guess this is life now and I gotta get used to my new reality.

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3 hours ago, surreal said:

Hi, I'm another derealization/depersonalization sufferer. Been suffering with it for 18 months now, triggered by a huge panic attack last year. I've been in and out of the mental hospital for suicidal ideations caused by this strange unreal feeling all the time. I totally get where you are coming from. It's a chore to live day-to-day like this. Everything feels like you are drunk or drugged up all the time. Reality feels "unreal".

I too have a hard time getting the professionals to understand what is going on with me. Instead, they diagnosed me with Borderline Personality Disorder. :/ I know I don't have this disorder at all. I am not making my symptoms up.

I've been trying all kinds of meds to get rid of the resulting depression and anxiety. Right now, the combo i am on seems to be helping a little. I still feel derealized but I guess this is life now and I gotta get used to my new reality.

No -- don't give up!!!  Do you have/can you cope with any social contact at all now? That's one of the most important things ever, I think, having that contact in a way that you can just about deal with.

It is unbelievably bad -- expecially when you have it chronically. I am diagnosed with panic disorder/agoraphobia myself  -- that's my official diagnosis since I was about 19.  Having this plus isolation, your life completely passing you by whilst everyone probably thinking you're a whinging liar or whatever is just the worst thing... It's like being completely debilitated, but no one has any idea what's going on.  It's a nightmare scenario on the level of waking up whilst being operated on. Everyone's oblivious to this hell that's happening to you right in front of their eyes.  How are you meant to live life constantly experiencing some kind of OBE?

Rant over!

If you want to PM, just send me a message... sending you lots of good wishes...

 

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  • 1 month later...

Check out this blog I made a long time ago. It covers what happened to me and my onset of chronic Depersonalization and derealization in June 2008. Although I've barely used the blog in years its got heaps of good info on treatment options and what to discuss with your Dr. 

Sorry, hear it is 

 

MydepersonalizationExperience.Wordpress.com 

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  • 3 months later...

Interesting, I find when I'm alone that's when the anxiety/derealization usually hits me more.

I have often come up out of sleep in depresonalization/derealization....In fact probably the most often.

I immediately try to talk to somebody or exercise when it hits me.  If you don't have any good options exercising will often jolt me out of it.

Also different environments will help if you can go on a vacation or get away.

Edited by BrianOCD
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