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Finally Found new doc--


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Finally found a new pdoc, afer my brief but meaningful stay at the local looney bin.  BUT--now that I am back on the "old meds" I am disgustingly stable, and am aftraid he will just sort of blow me off.

My problem is--and to me, its HUGE--is that by becoming stable/non-cycling/non-depressed, I am now totally boring, totally unmotivated and accom,plish nothing in my life, and that is NOT acceptable to me.

How do I get him to understand that "stable", while a worthwhile goal, is not worth anything to me if I am basically a boring lump on the couch with no goals, anticipation, excoitment, motivation, etc?

I am so afraid he will find the staus quo just groovy and do nothing.  And it IS better than cycling madly about every 15 minutes, or weeping at a moment's notice, over nothing.  But I cannot live out my life as a zombie, a lump, a "nothing"

What do I say to get this across to him?  This is almost enough to tempt me to stop taking the old handful of meds AM andd PM--tho I know that would provoke disaster all around.

Suggestions?  Help!

love, china the stable, and lumpy boring old lady, which I now feel like,(and it SUX)

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Chinacat,

I do know what you mean. Stable is not exactly much of a life sometimes.

I don't ever feel comfortable with most docs at first and always feeel they will think I am lying,or an idiot, who is imagining my illness.

Maybe you could edit some of your post here and then print it out and show to him? My two Pdocs I have had , didn't mind reading things I gave them. Just an idea.

Good luck.. ;)

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Heya China,

Nice to see you!

I agree that printing out -- or writing down -- your concerns is important, b/c if you're like me you clam up in session and only think of important things afterwards on the bus, argh.

It's crucial to get your discomfort and dissatisfaction across to him.

If he's any good, he's seen others like you before already, and will know what you mean.

Be your own advocate, and don't cave to any crap about being a "health care professional (even if you haven't worked in your field for a while) so treat yourself."

--ncc--

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I have been faitfully using moodtracker.com--and plan to print all that out to show that I am stable but the stability came at the expense of my personaility, my joy in life, my interests, my motivation.  Hopefully, he willhave some suggestions. 

But given my druthers., I guess I choose stable over motivated and interesting.  My dear husband deserves some stability from me, and I guess I can't have both--

Maybe he will know someythng that will majically give me the "oomph" I so lack.

love china, who as of today is officially a resident of Daytona Beach, FLA.--got tag and liscense today.  It was sad, but I am dealing better with this weird place.  Slowly but surely, I guess--its just so different from anywhere else I have EVER lived--sigh--

P.S. and good idea about printing some posts from here--thanks!

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I have been faitfully using moodtracker.com--and plan to print all that out to show that I am stable but the stability came at the expense of my personaility, my joy in life, my interests, my motivation.  Hopefully, he willhave some suggestions.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Being stable is a goal, perhaps the ultimate goal, but being a stable zombie isn't much fun. I think the sentence you wrote above is a perfect one to show your new pdoc. Stable now. OK, let's remain stable and recover personality.

Please tell me this is possible!!!

BTW, I have recently been introduced to someone's personality who lives in Daytona, just via his emails written to someone else but shared with me, and the man is a complete and utter asshole! I hope you can find some good people there./my little rant

Glad to have you back. I've missed you.

Erika

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Hey there China, I was wondering what happened to you.  I'm glad you're well.

Funny thing, I'm kind of going through the same thing.  I while back I started Lamictal.  For the first time in my life, I've been stable; never felt like this before - EVER! For the first few weeks I was ecstatically happy and relieved.  After that wore off, I find that it is kind of boring.  I don't get nearly the things done that I used to, and I don't really care either.  It's really weird.  And I'm eating like a fiend too.  That is really starting to bug me, but I guess not enough to do anything about it.  I just keep eating, and keep worrying about eating.

So, I don't know.  I've always been fascinated with how normal people must feel, but on average, it is just average I guess.  I guess this is what life is.  Hmmm...I don't mean it to sound like the bummer I am making it out to be, because I'd choose this over the crazy, crabby, moody maniac I was.

Let me know what you pdoc says.  I don't have another appt until March 4th.

Again, great to hear from you and I'm glad you're on the mend.  Good luck! 

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Hi China,

Glad to hear you are stable and I do hope that your pdoc is a good one and a good listener.

as for daytona beach. i went there 3 out of 4 college spring breaks. I had lots of fun.

and then when i became a permanent florida resident it was in tampa....away from all those loud spring-breakers.

now im in dullsville, CA (joking on town) to live at the parents hotel. Maybe i should plan a spring break. tee hee - they would throw me out.

Love,

december

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Sad tp say, Daytona really sux--full of redneck, and assholes, and people who lie to you for no reason whatsover.  Fun to visit, BAD plave to live.

I am thinking of sending the new doc the moodtracker stuff, and last nite printed out all my old posts since Dec. about the BP--wonder if he would even take the time to read them about a new pt?  I am terribly afraid , tho, that this is it--this is all I get.  Its the very reason my son won't take BP meds--

I am slso now a full-fledged Floridian--drivers liscensse, car tag and all--gag.

Stay tuned--apt. is not till the 28th--

love and high to all of you--and thanks beaucoup--I love this place, and you guys have always been much more help than any doc I have found down here (no decent docs at all, really for anything)

china the boring, stable, Floridian (gag again--)

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Hi china, I like what Batou excerpted from your post.  I think that really summed up things well.  Explain that you are stable and that is better than you were but you are still not where you want to be? I don't know...these are my words not yours and I don't know if I'm saying anything too meaningful these days.

But I like it when you use the word "groovy" in your posts.  That makes happy inside.

Good luck with your appt.

Karen

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Heya China,

You're going to be okay.

You and me (you, much much more, I'm just a newbie!) said this to moms so many times.

There might be *one* doc down there who's good.

Well, why wouldn't it be *your* doctor?

Finding your way somewhere new is hard.

That's I think part of why I keep coming up North, it's more like home.

But it *can* be done, and you can.

We're here for you hon.

And (aside) be ready for a call in two-three years when I give in and get pregnant.

--ncc--

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Yes, china, your new pdoc should listen to you.  He should do a thorough intake on you, including your life history (the short version), psych symptoms, and a full medication history.  And I agree that you should print out posts and write things down.

In my opinion, stability is very, very wonderful.  I took depakote for 5 years because I was so grateful not to be in mixed state hell.  My old pdoc was delighted that I wasn't crazed anymore and could hold down a job and stop drinking and sleeping around.  He constantly reminded me that I was very lucky that I functioned so well.

I would have stayed that way forever, with a lot of anxiety and irritability, except that it turned out I'd developed insulin resistance and needed to change meds.  I ended up with a new pdoc and am now on lamictal and doing better than at any time in my life.

So do get him to pay attention to your remaining symptoms.  Be openminded, though.  He may suggest that you try cognitive therapy and lifestyle changes along with new dosages or new meds.  But make it clear that you want more than just survival; you want a life.

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