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Does anyone else get triggered into a suicidal depression?


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I am dealing with a myriad of Dx's, so it's hard for me to know what's organic to what. Sometimes when I relive trauma, when something happens to rehash it, for instance, having to meet with law enforcement to re-tell the story of a brutal assault with strangulation and threats with guns and knives, I just slipped away into a place where I don't want to live. There have been times in the past, where flashbacks and retellings have caused me to 
"slip away" again and eventually I just become so depressed I do not feel life is worth living. I am not sure if it's bipolar acting up, or a combination of being PTSD and bipolar. I just want to know if anyone else experiences relapsing depressive episodes after triggers?

It sucks because anything can be a trigger. A TV show, a conversation, a random train of thought that leads you too far back, a news story, etc. Everyday I am exposed to triggers and I learn to deal with some, to try and identify when I am being affected by the trauma, but as for coping...I guess I should do some more reading. Because I can't cope. I can't even focus.

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I've been suicidal since childhood, ever since my trauma; I'm in my 30s now. For me, it's just a part of who I am. It makes sense to me that being triggered can lead to suicidal thoughts, or suicidal feelings. When I look at lists of what being triggered feels like, both suicidal ideation and suicidal acts are on that list. I'm not sure that bipolar is that predictable.

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I'm not really sure what to do outside of those either. Sometimes I try journalling or making art to process how I'm feeling about it. It helps a bit at times. Sometimes distractions work, too. Usually I just end up working out because I feel stronger and less dissociated when I'm working out hard.

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I also get triggered into suicidal depressions. A bad one can knock me down for several weeks. Self-hatred, ruminating, paranoia, anger, sleeplessness, etc.... you know the drill. 

I really wish the bad ones didn't take so long for me to recover from. It is hard on me but also hard on my husband, job, friendships, etc.

I also try to direct myself out of the gloom through exercise, being outside, and doing arty/creative things. 

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There are still some triggers of mine that will send me spiralling down. To be honest, doing the whole desensitisation thing helped with a lot of the other triggers. As in, being in therapy and gradually introducing these triggers in a way that I could see coming, then trying to bring me to a place of relative relaxation.

I try to distract myself if it's really bad, but I also try to keep my normal routines in. If nothing else, it minimises any 'damage control' after the trigger eases up.

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2 hours ago, theforest said:

I also get triggered into suicidal depressions. A bad one can knock me down for several weeks. Self-hatred, ruminating, paranoia, anger, sleeplessness, etc.... you know the drill. 

I really wish the bad ones didn't take so long for me to recover from. It is hard on me but also hard on my husband, job, friendships, etc.

I also try to direct myself out of the gloom through exercise, being outside, and doing arty/creative things. 

I am sorry you go through that. That sounds like what I go through and it's nice to know I am not alone.

1 hour ago, ananke said:

There are still some triggers of mine that will send me spiralling down. To be honest, doing the whole desensitisation thing helped with a lot of the other triggers. As in, being in therapy and gradually introducing these triggers in a way that I could see coming, then trying to bring me to a place of relative relaxation.

I try to distract myself if it's really bad, but I also try to keep my normal routines in. If nothing else, it minimises any 'damage control' after the trigger eases up.

I am really hoping that more therapy will get into this. So far we've just been talking through the recent stressors and she's been grounding me and throwing in some CBT.

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I don't even have triggers per se. I have been like that since I was a child, its part of my every day life. Never leaves regardless of how I try to treat it. As far as I know, that is fairly common for the type of trauma I have. Everything that came with it is pervasive. 

I manage it by accepting that its there and restricting myself from engaging with it in life-threatening ways. 

Edited by Hopelessly Broken
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