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loud uncontrollable sobbing


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i don't really do this, ever..

UUAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHH

UHKUHUKUCKUTHHHPPPPPBBBRRRRRRRRRR

<breath>

URURUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHAWw

YYEEEEEJNNBPPBBBBUKKKUKKUUKKKAAAEEEAAAIIiii

MNNNNNNBBBBBFFFFFFFF

<breath>

sobsobsobsobsobsniffle

ok. repeat 100 times.

that's how i feel.

pj

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i don't really do this, ever..

UUAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHH

UHKUHUKUCKUTHHHPPPPPBBBRRRRRRRRRR

<breath>

URURUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHAWw

YYEEEEEJNNBPPBBBBUKKKUKKUUKKKAAAEEEAAAIIiii

MNNNNNNBBBBBFFFFFFFF

<breath>

sobsobsobsobsobsniffle

ok. repeat 100 times.

that's how i feel.

pj

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Wow, I wondered where that sound was coming from! Oh that I could scoop you up and give you a hug, I wouldn't even care if you got snot on my shirt.

I love you, Peej...let it out.

Again, I go back to when my superhero left for another planet, but holyshit I didn't think I had that many tears. Honest to god, I would bawl my head off all day. It was exhausting and went on for longer than a year. The second year wasn't much better. It sucks. But it's worse to keep it locked away.

I wish teleportation was real. Remember when the Star Trek, or was it Galaxy Quest? Anyhow, the teleporting creatures reached their destination in a jiggly, ugly blob. That's what would happen to me. I'd be reassembled all fucked up, like my eyeballs would be on my ass or something.

Hang in there sweet thang! I know we keep saying it, but keep doin' it!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{PJ}}}}}}}}}}}}

Gotta let the bad stuff out, so good stuff can come in!

xxxx, oooo

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but really.

my lip quivers.

i cry but it's silent tears.

i cry but no tears come out.

i cry and i don't wish to blow my nose because it's so loud.

i want to bawl.

edit: thank you s9  ;)

pj

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Heya PJ,

Cry it out, it's okay.

Crying can help clear some cobwebs.

I've had sorrow before too, and it hurts.

We're here for you, it's safe here.

--ncc--

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I agree. ;)

Pj,

I will cry with you if it makes you feel a little better.

I hope you feel better soon. (I suck a stuff right now) Hope this helped.

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comfort

;)

my therapist can get us into this room that's perfect for beating up things and throwing things and wailing like a banshee in the moonlight.

i feel this aching and sorrow and anger and pain that feels like it wants to either explode or attack my heart until it chokes.

i don't think i'll hang on til tuesday.

and then i also could have a total change of mood by midnight and feel like charting the various permutations, alterations, and bastartizations of the word 'fuck' on CB.

fuckcheese has to be my favourite.

OH HOLy sister of sorrow.

pj

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i changed the subtitle to 'stupid pit of pain'.

i'm just a squawker. no wonder certain ignoring is taking place.

<whispers>

don't mean here.

i don't fucking care.

nope.

hell. whatever.

no SI. i promise myself.

it's just a pit of shitty pain.

goddammit and i haven't taken the seroquel yet.

now rage.

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

okie. thanks.

pj

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i don't think i'll hang on til tuesday.

you fucking better, you fucker.

and then i also could have a total change of mood by midnight and feel like charting the various permutations, alterations, and bastartizations of the word 'fuck' on CB.

Fuckwad

fuckhole

Fucking "A", my first x husband thought this was funny, as he'd never heard it??? But when I would say it, he would respond, "fucking a, fucking b, fucking c".

My favorite: Movie Line, Robert Deniro to Charles Grodin in "Midnight Run":

Grodin: "FUCK YOU!"

DeNiro: "FUCK ME? FUCK ME? Fuck YOU, you fucking fuck."

OH HOLy sister of sorrow.

and holy mother of fucking christ on a bike.

Sfucking9

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and holy mother of fucking christ on a bike.

Sfucking9

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

appreciate your assistance. i'm in suckhole fuckness.

i don't want to live. i'm a black fucking tar on the goddamn road of nothing.

eventually my pain will be so goddamn funny that i will have to laugh. and then i will disappear.

really, getting it out is helping.

not that it's very inventive or interesting, probably fucking triggering, it's probably stupid  and pathetic and wasteful. yeah. stupid that i'd think it was wasteful.

FUCKING HELL>

awhifhgkjfgaogiahegiegiahj;

SAJFHAGJHAKJGNDLSAKJBAIWE'INAVJN.,M

I HATE THIS SHIT!!!!!!!!!

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i don't fucking care.

nope.

hell. whatever.

no SI. i promise myself.

it's just a pit of shitty pain.

goddammit and i haven't taken the seroquel yet.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

PJ,

I wish you didn't have to feel the pain that's making you cry.  Pain sucks...

/threadjack and rant

I wish they would teach the American olympic athletes the freaking Star Spangled Banner before they send them over there so they don't look fucking stupid when they try and sing and don't know the words!  They spend all that time training, how about a little studying on the plane on the way there!

/end threadjack

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i don't know that it's so good.

i feel like a flipping drama queen in a burnt frayed old potato sack standing in the middle of the Hollywood Hilton yelling BOTTOMLESS PIT OF DOOOOOOOMgrrrrrrr.

ridiculous, destructive, attention-seeking damned fiery stupid CRAP

i'm not allowedi'm not allowedi'm not allowedi'm not allowedi'm not allowedi'm not allowedi'm not allowed

so reserved and flippin' injured. rage comes and goes. always the pain.  ;)

there is no end. i feel no hope. taht's IT. no hope.

no hope.

i'm abandoned.

i've abandoned myself.

i'm scared but even that.. even that comes out twisted and broken and stupid.

then there's the empty vortex and the rush of something else,

like water over my head.

meh. stupid ass perverted drama queen.

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