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Hello to my life... please comment


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Hey boys & grrls,

    I've been using crazy boards for a while and i just think that you're all just so awesome. It's great we've got a community like this we can chat amongst without judgement and with full understanding of each others lives.

    Apart from that welcome i'd like to know your input on my own thoughts/feelings. I've spoken to my normal GP and he doesn't seem to understand my situation too well. I would seek out a psych doc but my situation doesn't allow me to afford such accomodations.

    I've been in a rut, so to speak for at least 6+ years. There was a period of denial for most of it, i'm sure many of you can understand this feeling. When i decided to confront my feelings i made a list, and this is it. I'm not sure what i am, but i'd really like to hear others feedback on these symptoms.

* can't use phone - lately stuttering on phone convo's - haven't used the phone in years, only when speaking to my mum.

* lost contact with all my mates - didn't return calls, didn't socialise. only socialise on drugs or alcohol.

* can't concentrate or focus for long periods of time.

* lost my job due to lack of focus - originally thought it was the stress of job and quit but was let go later from work of lack of focus.

* very unmotivated - unable to do much, clean, cook, work, whatever.

* unable to sleep at night - used alcohol and/or drugs to pass out.

* very very fidgidty, seems to satisfy my attention.

* cry easily - a sad news story could draw my emotions.

* tried to negate all my negative thoughts - that is, if i thought a negative thought i'd make it positive. lately i've realised this is probably more denial.

    So yeah, that's me... I've been on Lexapro for 2 weeks now and i don't feel much of a difference, my doc has diagnosed me with social anxiety but i'd really like an opinion from the crazy boards community. I can't work right now and feel really disfunctional, i'd like to know if anyone here can assimilate with my feelings?

Regards

Justin

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Hi Juzzy, Welcome!

I moved your post to the Introductions forum.

Its tough to diagnose MI problems because so many of the symptoms overlap.  At this point I guess you will have to rely on your GP.  Fortunately the meds can be effective on numerous conditions.  And although it would be ideal to have a definitive dx from a Pdoc, the most important thing is to treat the symptoms and obtain relief.

I don't have any experience with Lexapro, so others may have more information on it. Do try to have patience with the meds as a good rule of thumb is that it takes 6 weeks before they start to have significant effect, though you may start to feel better earlier than that.

Feel free to post.

Cheers,

A.M.

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Can't put too much advice in here cept I can relate to what you're saying.  And two weeks of Lexapro isen't gonna give you much comfort yet.  Unfortunately, like has been said to me many times - give it some time, you'll soon start noticing a difference.  Please take care of yourself!

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hey juzzy,

yeah, we'd best rely on your professionals for diagnosis.

but i can COMPLETELY relate to your denial. i went through it for years and years, dropping down into a depression, struggling through it, and then swinging back up again and denying that it had been that bad and just trying to forget about it.

and then as things got worse i started to self-medicate with alcohol.

and now i live at home with my folks and work retail.

so you're not alone in this. and this doesn't mean it's the end for you. there is hope.

grousemouse.

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Hey again guys + grrls...

    Thanks for all your replies - i really feel alone right now, mostly my fault for pushing all my close friends away a long time ago. It's relieving to know i'm not the only one.

Justin

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Heya Justin,

Late to your intro.

Nice to meet you!

Yah some of us family docs are idiots about MI.

Some of us can learn.

Some of us (like me, of course, ladida, LOL) are freaking *experts.*

Hold out and be your own advocate.

(Trust me, I'm a doctor) smilie I haven't invented yet

Edited to add:

And, as my sig says, I need a friend, and these CBers are lifesavers.  The good kind of lifesavers, not the peppermint ones.

--ncc--

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And, as my sig says, I need a friend, and these CBers are lifesavers.  The good kind of lifesavers, not the peppermint ones.

--ncc--

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

ew, no, not the peppermint ones. the breathsavers, though, the ones with the hint of bluey-green mint in the middle, those ones are ok.

hiya juzzy

pj

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hey guys...

i hope some of you read this thread ;-)

i tried to hook up with a cheap pdoc cause i can't afford one and i couldn't find one...

so anyway... i'm still angry on these pills but my GP doesn't seem to understand anything i tell him... you can read about the previous thread here - http://www.crazyboards.org/index.php?showtopic=9198&hl=

i'm not sure what to do... i think i might be bipolar but my GP is useless... i really want some guidence but i don't know where to go...

:-(

Juz

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Heya Justin,

I read your other thread. I'm not bipolar, have never tried your med and have no good ideas for ya, but I did want you to know that someone, however useless, was reading your thread. (g)

You said the docs are all busy--even if you have to wait a few weeks, please make an appt. Everyone seems to be saying, and your experience bears this out, that your GP isn't much help in this area.

If you are bipolar, there are certain meds that'll help, and others you'll want to stay away from, so some professional guidance is really necessary here.

But listen, you've been bravely trying for so long to fix yourself, and now you're finally thinking you might need help. Do whatever it is ya need to (I know money doesn't grow on trees) to get that help for yourself, ok?

worried about you,

lily

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Thx Lily - good to know someone was reading ;-)

I haven't arranged anything yet - i'm going to ask my GP for a referral to somewhere... My family are flying me up to Sydney for the weekend which is gonna be stressful as always! I can't wait to get back home.

Juz

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Hi!

I know this is probably a long shot, but is there any chance the folks would help out with paying for doctor visits?

It would totally not happen with my family, mind you, but perhaps yours is more understanding?

lily

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Ok.. this is gonna sound kinda fucked up... but...

My mum stresses heaps, she knows nothing of how i'm feeling or am right now... she's been on meds before and been fucked up... but there's a story there...

My step-dad is a pharmacist, and owns his own pharmarcy, my mum is a pharmacists assistant and works in the pharmacy...

Sometimes they've sent me meds... antibiotics (got a big stash), sleepers, etc... shit that's really just substance abuse... you know?

Mum freaks out over the smallest thing... it does my head in, i couldn't handle it if she knew what i was going through... I have a social phobia which includes the phone, she's been calling .. sometimes 10 times a day, and i can't talk, it freaks me out... if she knew about this stuff i just wouldn't be able to handle it.

If i can find the right treatment, perhaps be stable i would tell her.. i'd be able to handle it.. but at the moment it's more than i can deal with.

I just found a mate, a friend of a friend on my MSN list that i was hooked up with. He's a psych and he's got me into a uni program for free, for his Phd... i think it's better than nothing... i told him what i thought about my depression, anxiety, bipolar ... to tell the truth - when the guys on here suggested i may be BP - i myself thought that about 2 years ago, when i quit my job for no reason and was going thru many episodes.

I'm buddhist, i always thought i could deal with things myself, i've been driven to a point near poverty and i know i can't... it hurts to understand this but i do know i need to look from help from someone else.

I couldn't handle it right now if my family knew.

Justin

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Heya Justin,

My sister knows, but I haven't told anyone else in my family yet.

Not sure if I will.

You have to figure out what you're comfortable with.

My circle of care is very small, DH, sister, FP, and my friend.  Only one.  New.  Took a step.

My family would be so messed up by my dx that I would spend more time and energy looking after them then taking care of myself.

Not therapeutic.

Tell the people you want to tell, and hold off on the family thing.  As long as you need to.  Maybe forever.  Maybe a week. What feels okay.

--ncc--

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My family would be so messed up by my dx that I would spend more time and energy looking after them then taking care of myself.

--ncc--

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

oh.. tell me about it! my mum stresses me out so much, i just got home from a weekend in Sydney with the family. I haven't told mum about anything, my mum and my step-dad own a pharmacy so they familiar with common DX & PX.

If she knew it would be more stress than i could handle, in a way it's great that all my family live 900km's away.

On the good... well maybe not so good side, she loaded my up with loads of other meds, pain killers, sleepers, anti-biotics, etc to take home with me. It's great she helps me self-medicate *lol*

Stupid social security has just rejected one of the forms on my claims again :-( It's really pissing me off - i've been dealing with it for a month now with nothing. I'm almost broke, can't afford my bills or rent next month let alone food. My bro and parents are having money probs too... life really sucks right now. It's difficult to try and get a doc to give you a good diagnosis of your depression when the situation around you sucks so bad anyway.

On the up and up however, i've scored a free psych session as part of a uni trial thingo through a friend of a friend who is a psychologist. Hope that brings some relief.

Juz

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900 kms, hmm. That's about 400 miles?

Most of my family live in California US and I live in the midwest. I'm glad I can choose when I see them. One of my bros has grown closer and he knows a lot about me. But it's funny, they all have their own problems and they'd probably just tell me, oh, too bad. Go see your Dr. but I think amongst us 8 that the following have occurred:

1. effexor tried by one brother & two sisters

2. zoloft tried by my mom at age 74

3. over a million yrs. of recovery in 12 step programs

4. my dad who is a "strong" dude who takes nothing but a double manhattan every night!

5. what else, oh a sister who likes pot, alcohol, cymbalta, ritalin and ativan, as has histrionic personality traits and two great kids

6. I foget what is six.

well anyhow, I hope you get what you need. Lexapro is supposed to be a clean med, few side effects, I hear.

You wrote about being angry....i'd rather be extremely pissed off than depressed into the mud...it's more energetic!

Take care,

Luli

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  • 3 weeks later...

well, I'm taking the scenic route mostly because I'm very good at making excuses.

I didn't start up with a pdoc when I moved in with my boyfriend because I "just started a new job"  after being unemployed 6 months (was "let go").

Couldn't get motivated with my new job.  I wanted to work but I knew it wasn't really the right job for me.  Didn't get my contract extended after 6 months (and got the worst performance review of my life).

Recently started a new job, this one is really good, am happy with it - hopefully I can concentrate long enough to stay afloat and actually perform to my abilities.

Got a new GP when I moved (mind you it was August last year), have seen her twice and don't like her at all.  I know I NEED a new pdoc and I NEED to talk to someone about what is going on but I have fear and anxiety over just making a call to make an appointment.

At the moment I seem to be a walking contradiction.  Luckily (?) I only have my boyfriend in my life now since I pissed everyone else off.  The guy is a saint for putting up with me.

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