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I think the bupropion finally 'clicked'


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In the last few days I’ve noticed I feel significantly different. Daily tasks take a lot less effort. I can think more clearly and make decisions more easily. When I’m not doing anything my mood is neutral. Neutral! All by itself! I don’t know if I can describe how big a deal this is for me. During my long depressive episode I have felt like this on occasion, but it usually only lasts for minutes, an hour at most.

It’s been 3 months on bupropion and 2 weeks on 300mg. I can see looking back that there was a progression over time, but it feels like recently I crossed some sort of threshold or tipping point. I am optimistic that this could be the first few days toward remission, but even if this doesn’t last right now remission feels so much more possible. I’m capable of feeling not depressed and that is incredibly encouraging.

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I am so happy to find a med that works for me that I would not stop taking it. Based on the number and length of depressive episodes I've had, my pdoc has set the expectation that I should be on meds for 3+ years and possibly indefinitely.

I have some traits and behaviors that also show up with ADD. As a teenager my mother once suggested I might have it because of how frequently I hyperfocus. When I talked to her about this a few months ago she had forgotten she said that, but she also told me that she has long thought my dad had ADD. He would never go get a diagnosis, but I suspect she is right. As for me, my current line of thought is that my issues with concentration can probably be best explained by depression.

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I found Wellburtrin very activating at first, giving me the energy to clean the house, go for walks, have a shower and so on.   The effect seemed to wear off over time to the point that after nearly a year and reaching 450mg I wasn't sure what it as doing.    I stopped taking it recently and the fatigue has returned big time. 

I plan to try another med now but if that doesn't work I would go back to Wellbutrin as a fall back.  The energy boost is better than nothing but like a lot of medications I have tried it did not provide the full antidepressant effect I was hoping for. 

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