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Help - first psychosis and hospital stay


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Hi,

I don't remember too much about my 2 week stay, but if I wrote it all down, it would be a small book I think. I still feel jangly about it a month and a half later and I guess that the worst part is wondering if/when it will happen again. Normal? They did so many tests on me and I only remember one - the EEG, for some reason. Don't remember visitors, like best friends (2! and lucky to have em), brother, or docs and nurses. They say that I'd been mumbly, unstable on my feet before roommate called 911, then still for the first two days, then talkative and friendly the rest of the time. All of the tests were normal, or "unremarkable", so they worried instead me falling. They still want me to use a cane or walker. Ha - I'm only 54 ffs.

I also have a whole set of weird symptoms that no one has been able to explain, and again, lots of Dr's and tests. A smaller set are eye/perceptual problems almost like an acid or mushroom trip, but definitely not fun. Immediately have to be really careful not to hurt myself because my balance goes to hell. Sometimes I have to crawl and even so, I faceplant into the floor and cut and bruise myself all over on a regular basis. Sound familiar to anyone? 

I've experienced illusions and hallucinations (auditory and visual) on a pretty regular basis, but no delusions. None of any of them are predictable though, with no patterns or common triggers (hate that damn word, except when nothing else works so efficiently!). My pdoc took me off lithium (had been 60mg. I reach toxic pretty easily), upped my lamictal from 200 to 400, upped latuda from 60 to 80 + 40 in the morning, then added requip. The rest of my meds in signature.

I don't really know what I'm saying or asking, but I've pretty stable since I've been home. I'm having mood swings but attribute most of it to med changes, but the zoomy mixed and maybe manic states are scary now. I feel like I just really need some conversation about it all, and friends aren't open to any of it. They can't handle it, but I think I barely get it myself, and worse because I remember so little before, during or after. I was conscious and remember a few days, but that's it. Stop! I won't say another word now, period.

Thanks for reading, RD

Edited by Rhetorical disease
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