Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

I'm not crazy......


Recommended Posts

I'm not crazy.....I just need to be loved.

I'm not crazy.....I just want to be loved.

I may look, or sound, crazy, and I may have a diagnosis and take medication that might make you think I am crazy, should you have such narrow minded and stigmatised views of human suffering....but really, I've simply had a rough life, where I had to hide my real self away to survive. But I've never really lived.

I may behave like I'm crazy sometimes, and sometimes when people see me as crazy, their misunderstanding actually makes me more so. But, instead, if you listen to me and have patience, if you let me into your world, I might let you into my world, and the pain that exists there, the pain and the longing.

When I behave crazy, it usually is because I'm experiencing a dissociative flashback, and something from my shadow filled past is haunting me and not letting me go, not letting me be safe in the world now.

But.....I could come back to you and your world if you just be a little gentle and kind to me, and not laugh at me or throw back insults. You would see that I don't want to hurt or hate you really, you would see how I am just like you...I just need a little warmth and humanity....

Misunderstanding is human, and I am struggling to come to terms with my past and rebuild some personality so I can be here with you in the present. If you help me understand, and demonstrate by your treatment of me that I am a worthwhile human being, then I will no longer be that crazy woman, I will be a woman who is becoming alive.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest ~Aurelie~

absolUTELY perfect. you have managed to put words and emotion to what probably most people here think and feel. i love it.

a new manifesto indeed.

(((nestling))) thanks for posting.

aurelie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

:)

but, I feel ;)

There are constantly so many parts of me, I'm reacting constantly to reminders of the past that haunt me. flashbacks.

but they all dim and fade into each other, taking me away. sometimes I don't know where I am, who I am. I get bewildered and I feel powerless and hurt and lonely. so many times of pain that haunt me....

birth,

being a small baby,

being emotionally abused by my father, rejected, not wanted,

my mother's failure to protect me,

the bullies always pursuing me,

the difficult classes of kids I've 'taught' taking advantage of me and bullying me....so much.....

this weekend I've been free of flashbacks.....such a relief.....when they come its like being thrown around through time and not knowing who I am. I get lost.

Its like being on a rollercoaster of time......

Link to comment
Share on other sites

but, I feel ;)

this weekend I've been free of flashbacks.....such a relief.....when they come its like being thrown around through time and not knowing who I am. I get lost.

Its like being on a rollercoaster of time......

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

nestling,

I'm glad you were free of flashbacks this weekend! You are going through so much right now in part because you are working on these issues in therapy. So all the hurt and pain is on the surface all the time. (At least that is how it was with me with PTSD, and is for me now but for different reasons, different issues I am working on in therapy.)

I don't know who I am anymore. I don't feel like I can trust who I am right now or trust anything about who I thought I used to be. I feel adrift. I just wanted to say I know how uncomfortable it is to feel lost.

I didn't mean to turn the conversation away from you and towards me. I just wanted to say hang in there. Whether or not you know it, you are hanging on and doing well, it comes across in your posts where you are able to express yourself so well.

Erika

Link to comment
Share on other sites

thanks Erika.

I'm not even sure if I *have* PTSD, though it feels like I do. *sighs*

I told my therapist about what I'd written (the first post in this thread) but it didn't come out quite as I'd hoped. I guess I'll just have to print it off and give it to her...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...