Hello World

[Neuromancer]

Hi CB,

Long-time reader, first-time caller.

I've been dealing with depression and anxiety all of my adult life and it's been a constant process of discovery seeing how deep this rabbit hole goes. I've been on disability for almost a year after an intense dissociative episode which almost killed me. There's been a lot of learning during this time but also a lot of what feels like slippage; our traction is never as good as we think it is.

I'm currently coming out of a six-week hole of hell flushing out in preparation for taking EMSAM, an MAOI. It's starting to kick in which means I can answer the phone, do daily chores, eat food, and actually write this introduction instead of staring at the ceiling constantly contemplating suicide.

Pharmaceutical bedpost notches: Zoloft, Prozac, Depakote, Zyprexa, Remeron, Lithium, Abilify, Ativan, Klonopin, Wellbutrin, Seroquel, EMSAM. Maybe a couple more. Nothing has helped so far. I'm anxious to try TMS but my insurance will not cover it.

Other methods: CBT, DBT, Vipassana meditation

This is a great community and so I wanted to jump in here and say hello.

Edited October 10, 2017 by Neuromancer

[amskray]

Hi. Welcome to  CB. I am also a longtime depression-sufferer but my depression has been treatable with medication, therapy and most recently sports.

It sounds like you've been through hell. I am glad you're feeling somewhat better and hope that you keep on improving! 

[Mogli]

1 hour ago, Neuromancer said:

Pharmaceutical bedpost notches: Zoloft, Prozac, Depakote, Zyprexa, Remeron, Lithium, Abilify, Ativan, Klonopin, Wellbutrin, EMSAM. Maybe a couple more. Nothing has helped so far. I'm anxious to try TMS but my insurance will not cover it.

Hi @Neuromancer. That's a lot of notches! I am interested in TMS also but I haven't tried that many meds yet. I have a year-old coupon for a float in this isolation tank thingy that is supposed to be "relaxing" but the idea of it has been scaring me. I am going to try acupuncture and some other alternative stuff, in addition to different meds. I hope you can find something that works! Welcome.

[Iceberg]

Hmm that's tough...the ensam probably Needs more time to work before thinking about an add on right? I wish you luck that maybe it'll be the solution for you. 

[Neuromancer]

37 minutes ago, Iceberg said:

Hmm that's tough...the ensam probably Needs more time to work before thinking about an add on right? I wish you luck that maybe it'll be the solution for you. 

Yes, this is only Day Six on the Emsam; mostly side effects at this point but I'm already thinking of possible augmentation possibilities: Abilify, Lyrica, Gabapentin.
Thanks! 

[Neuromancer]

58 minutes ago, Mogli said:

Hi @Neuromancer. That's a lot of notches! I am interested in TMS also but I haven't tried that many meds yet. I have a year-old coupon for a float in this isolation tank thingy that is supposed to be "relaxing" but the idea of it has been scaring me. I am going to try acupuncture and some other alternative stuff, in addition to different meds. I hope you can find something that works! Welcome.

@Mogli Ah, the "sensory deprivation chamber" turned hipster! I haven't tried one yet but it sounds fun to me if I were in the right headspace.

[Mogli]

1 hour ago, Neuromancer said:

@Mogli Ah, the "sensory deprivation chamber" turned hipster! I haven't tried one yet but it sounds fun to me if I were in the right headspace.

Yeah that's the problem, what are the chances when I go to the appointment I'll be in that particularly right headspace :-P