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I feel... good... today. I think I've kicked the xanax almost for good. Meds have been being all mixed up, but my hands aren't shaking today. And my head feels good. Not hyped, I *hope* I'm not swinging into a hypomanic phase, I just feel... okay. No depression, yay! Had a very funky angry buzz in my head briefly when I became frustrated with the morning crossword puzzle. My thinking isn't as clear. But then I stepped away, and I felt better. I've been eating better, *wanting* to eat better, and of course I'm sure that's helping. The bad cravings are going away.

I say this all cautiously, on eggshells, wanting another day like this. And another, and another. I want to be greedy! Monday's pdoc appt is looming on my mind, but I've been writing my thoughts down, and that alone has taken some fear out of bringing things up. For some odd reason, I've noticed a pattern that the actual day of therapy, I'm okay. A few tears there, but the drive home is fine (especially while muching on a bagel, the treat for myself). It seems to hit about 48 hours later, that's when I fall apart. So I guess I brace myself for Wednesday, there could be fallout. But for now, I want to enjoy.

Sorry for rambling. Had to tell someone who "understands". Told husband, and he says "good, that's good" and goes back to the paper. Yes, he cares, but he's not getting how monumental this is. I hope someone else is going to have a good day as well.

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Get 2 more bagels for the days after the appointment.

Good luck to you.  I went off Xanax after a long stint on it, but I did it by going onto Konopin.  So it wasn't hard.  I can't imagine doing it your way.  You're very brave.

I remember reading you were worried about your appointment.  If nothing else, just hand the doctor your list so you don't have to talk right at first until you get comfortable.

The first line can say, I can't talk yet.

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I call that an in-between day. I hope you can enjoy it all weekend and beyond. I rarely have them.

I take notes for my pdoc too. And they came in really handy this week because I was having such a bad day when I saw him I could hardly talk. I just handed him my notes and asked him to read them. He said it was a good summary so it worked out well.

That's great you're tapering down on Xanax. If a brief period comes up where you need it, it will be more effective. That's how it's been for me anyway with Ativan.

I hope your pdoc appt is encouraging so you won't crash afterwards.

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Thanks! It's continuing to be good. I'm going to take a little nap, just need to refresh. Going out for sushi tonight with friends. More fun!

Yes, having my thoughts written down I think will cause less anxiety. I can just hand them to him and sit back while he reads. Shirley, thank you for the permission to get 2 bagels. I will take you up on that. Maybe I'll even splurge and get the honey-walnut cream cheese to be on the safe side, in case Wednesday is  _that bad_.

Napping while sunlight is streaming through the windows. I can handle this!

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Honey walnut cream cheese!  Fie on thee! ;)   Sorry, I come from a savory-bagel culture.  I was shocked--shocked I tell you!--when H&H started making cinnamon raisin bagels.  Or maybe I just need something to be snobby about.  Sorry.

Had a very funky angry buzz in my head briefly when I became frustrated with the morning crossword puzzle. My thinking isn't as clear. But then I stepped away, and I felt better.
This is progress!!  Not getting stuck on your reaction is huge.  In my view, it's OK to get frustrated or pissed so long as I can let go of it.  I think you're doing great.

And a "good day" is relative.  Hopefully this means you'll have even better days.

As for getting off of xanax, I don't know how much you were on, but I took it for years for sleep and had no trouble getting off of it.  Now I use ambien, and even with that I often only use 1/2 or none if I'm able to sleep well.  I think most of us can avoid being too dependent on benzos so long as we use them judiciously.

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