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Mixed State

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On a Thursday, almost two weeks ago, I got into a bad Mixed State because I had tapered off Lexapro on my own (thought it was causing some irritability/apathy but found it didn't afterall) and had been off it for few weeks.

I was driving a '92 Toyota Camry LE w/ a 3.0 V6 DOHC 24V engine 4-speed automatic that day. 

During the episode, I went driving at 70 MPH in a 40 zone. Well, I jerked the wheel to the left some to try to make a quick turn into a turning lane and tried to slow down as well. Well, before trying to make the slowdown, the car started to weave from side to side like mad. I initially hit the concrete divider, and the car continued to go and swerve like crazy from side to side.

Now, then the car started spinning in circles going down the road with the tires leaving smoke. I could smell burnt tire rubber like you smell at drag strips.

It felt like I went on an Octopus Ride in an Amusement Park. Except, I was in a car while it was happening.

Essentially, I did a 360 on a 6-lane highway, though it was on the right side of it.

After this, apparently, the engine stalled out, and I was facing forward. I popped it in "N" Neutral, started her back up, and then went driving normally again. I made my left turn and went to the health food store to make returns and buy supplements. I wasn't able to go back to school or work, though.

Much of the spinning around, swerving, and stuff, was accidental. However, what I did while in the Mixed State was that I drove fast. I started off from a red light, popped the shift lever all the way to "L" LOW, turned OverDrive (O/D) OFF and manually shifted up from "L" to "2" to "D" (to get to 3rd Gear) and then turned OverDrive (O/D) ON to go into 4th Gear.

An OCD thing for me is shifting gears in an automatic transmission.

When I had my '91 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme Quad 4, I used to Pop it in D1 for great jolts of acceleration whenever I was in a Mixed State. I would QUICKLY go from 45 MPH to 60+ MPH  in 1st gear.

Does any of your episodes affect your driving?

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Heya MoparGuy,

Haven't done it yet.

But whenever I'm mixed I really, really want to.

Crash the car. CRASH THE CAR.  I want to die in a fiery crash and take you all with me.  Wanna try me?

1.  Commuting -- I go *against* traffic.  So, in my direction, the cars are going 120 (km/h) in the slow lane, 160 in the fast lane.

2.  On the hiways coming up to where I'm working now -- so many transports, all going too fast, hafta go past them.

My snow tires are not supposedly safe above 120 km/h.

It's bad.

And I won't drive if I can see a mixed coming.

Which is a great policy, as long as I'm tracking my moods and know when I'm almost-mixed.

As in, the last 8 months or so.

I narrowly missed a *lot* of crashes.  And, missed a *lot* of them simply b/c I was in school and therefore was on the bus/train most of the time.


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I was in three accidents in one summer period of 3 1/2 mos. I was afraid I would lose my insurance. One was because I was so revved up, I ignored everyone else. Another was from being too impatient ( it was a mixed) and then one from spacing out. That's the year I finally sought help from a Pdoc.

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I usually tell about my Mixed-State driving stories to people in a manner as if I was driving like that just for kicks. Basically, even though I would drive like a race car maniac due to being super depressed, I tell them I would drive fast just for the fun of it, and therefore, tell about my 'thrilling' experiences.

One other day, I was with my friend. Due to feelings of inferiority when comparing myself to him, A Mixed State grew. This was at age 16. I was a '97 Nissan Altima. Well, I was going down a fairly curvy 2-lane road. I was going 50-55 MPH. Well, after the severe depression state came on, I popped the shift handle over to the "1" setting. Then the engine went "Brrrroooooooerrrrn.......", and I hit 100 MPH in what I thought was 1st gear, but I was actually in 2nd gear because most newer cars won't allow you to go below 2nd gear above a certain speed with the shifter in D1. My friend was real concerned with me that day.

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