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madmax15

Women asking me to do things

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I recently made friends with a girl and while at her house she asked me to vacuum her car and her lounge room! I felt like saying "ah no do it yourself!" but I thought that would of been rude. So I did it...

I just don't know how to react in these situations when a woman asks me to do things?! 

Edited by madmax15
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As a woman I can say I've met other women who want men to "take care of them" by doing chores of various types, and that's what this sounds like. If you don't want to-and why would you?-go ahead and say you don't want to. You may have to leave at that point but after all, are you looking to be her maid?  I would say don't feel bad if she's upset you say no. It's rude behavior to ask someone to do your housework for you. 

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5 hours ago, sugarsugar said:

As a woman I can say I've met other women who want men to "take care of them" by doing chores of various types, and that's what this sounds like. If you don't want to-and why would you?-go ahead and say you don't want to. You may have to leave at that point but after all, are you looking to be her maid?  I would say don't feel bad if she's upset you say no. It's rude behavior to ask someone to do your housework for you. 

She also asked me to make her a coffee and I thought "why can't you do it yourself?!" But I made the coffee anyway!

I can't tell if it's rude for me to say "no" or if it's a polite thing to do?

Edited by madmax15
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It sounds like she is using you. I wouldn't worry about sounding rude. If she breaks off the friendship, then you don't need friends like that and are better off.

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14 minutes ago, jt07 said:

It sounds like she is using you. I wouldn't worry about sounding rude. If she breaks off the friendship, then you don't need friends like that and are better off.

Ok. Hang on you're saying it doesnt matter what she asks me to do I shouldnt be saying "yes" to any of these things?!

I just thought making a coffee for her was a polite thing to do?! 

Edited by madmax15
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If she came to your place and asked you to make her a coffee, that’s ok. If you go to her house, she should be making you the coffee. And it’s never reasonable to ask you to do her housework when you’re there for a visit. The person whose house it is should be providing the food and drinks, not asking guests to do work. She is rude and taking advantage of you. 

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1 hour ago, sugarsugar said:

And it’s never reasonable to ask you to do her housework when you’re there for a visit.

I thought the same thing but I was helping her move out at the time IDK IF that makes it ok

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True, context is everything, so look at the total picture. What was she doing while you vacuumed?  Some other work like dishes, laundry, packing, mopping, or sitting and chilling?  Were you working together like friends, or were you working while she sat and texted or whatever?  Is it part of a pattern?  You were already helping with moving, when people help me move, I buy them pizza and get them beverages, unless we are all working together at a task. I don’t know the larger picture but of course it all matters. 

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I just can't tell how to react IF I say yes and do what she says I could look like a dumb ass because she should be doing it herself!!OR IF I say no people would say I'm being rude because as I SHOULD know as a man its expected of me?!?!

Edited by madmax15
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Ah, to a large extent you can ask yourself, if it was another man asking you, would you do it?  I would ask a spouse or partner to do some things for me maybe, but not a friend visiting my home, whether male or female.   No social conventions I know of say men who are visiting should wait on the person hosting.  

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2 minutes ago, sugarsugar said:

Ah, to a large extent you can ask yourself, if it was another man asking you, would you do it?  I would ask a spouse or partner to do some things for me maybe, but not a friend visiting my home, whether male or female.   

I think the big question here is WHY can't you/he/her do it themselves?!

And if another man asked me of course I would say "No, why can't you do it yourself?!"

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1 hour ago, madmax15 said:

I thought the same thing but I was helping her move out at the time IDK IF that makes it ok

This is so typical of you, madmax. You pose a question and then leave out a very important piece of information that changes everything.

Moving involves cleaning and maybe she thought that you would help clean while you were helping her move. And maybe she was very busy with the moving so she asked you to make her a cup of coffee. I don't know because I wasn't there. In any case, she might have understood when you offered to help her move that you would also help with the cleaning. 

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3 hours ago, jt07 said:

This is so typical of you, madmax. You pose a question and then leave out a very important piece of information that changes everything.

Moving involves cleaning and maybe she thought that you would help clean while you were helping her move. And maybe she was very busy with the moving so she asked you to make her a cup of coffee. I don't know because I wasn't there. In any case, she might have understood when you offered to help her move that you would also help with the cleaning. 

Like I said BEFORE I have a hard time telling *how* to react to any of this! 

I DID think "oh she's just being lazy and if I say no she would say I'm being rude!" I just kept thinking "WTF do I do?!?!"

 

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33 minutes ago, madmax15 said:

Like I said BEFORE I have a hard time telling *how* to react to any of this! 

I DID think "oh she's just being lazy and if I say no she would say I'm being rude!" I just kept thinking "WTF do I do?!?!"

 

What was she doing while you made coffee?

What was she doing while you vacuumed?

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Did she do a lot of work and happened to be tired at this point?

Is she overweight? I can tell you for a fact that being overweight often makes it difficult to do a lot of physical work without taking breaks in between.

Edited by jt07

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1 hour ago, jt07 said:

Did she do a lot of work and happened to be tired at this point?

Is she overweight? I can tell you for a fact that being overweight often makes it difficult to do a lot of physical work without taking breaks in between.

Yes she's overweight. She's 105 kilos.

But asking me to vacuum her car?! I said YES and did it and I felt like a dumbass. What SHOULD of I said and done in that situation?!

Edited by madmax15
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All of this depends on how much you value the friendship. If you don't value the friendship, just tell her to f**k off. If you do value the friendship, you will go the extra distance to help out. 

I must say that you have a very negative black-and-white thinking pattern. Just because you help out doesn't mean you're a dumbass. It might mean that you are a good and decent person.

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