Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

getting rejected by girls everywhere I go :(


Recommended Posts

I don't get this is this part of the illness or is it meds?, is it me?, is it because i'm slight overweight? but i see very ugly guys hang out with very beautiful ladies!!  , i don't get that physical attraction with girls it feels flat there s no chemistry or connection when i talk to a woman and i feel the same for,her side like she doesn't feel a damn thing too; i hate my life cuz of this i'm done trying it hurts so much I feel worthless and valueless; f**k my damn luck.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

isbipo -

I doubt that physical attraction is the sole element at play here, if indeed it's the problem at all. Listen to how you describe the issue: "there is no chemistry or connection when I talk to a woman". This strongly points to a problem with the social interaction side of the equation.

First of all, you identify as BP1 - where would you say you are right now in your cycle, more depressed, or more toward mania/hypomania? Somewhere in the middle? How does your mood play into the way you interact with the women you talk to? Does your mood become evident in your conversation? Do you discuss your MI?

Secondly, what do you talk to them about? The cardinal rule of talking to prospective dates is to talk about yourself as little as possible, and to focus on the other person, to show an animated interest in them. Human beings, without exception, find other people interesting when the other person shows an interest in them. The inverse is generally also true - the more you talk about yourself, unless you're answering direct questions or working your way back around to talking about that person, the less that person is going to be interested in you. You must focus on them, and your interest must be genuine. You cannot fake it (for long) and get away with it. This should not be difficult; if your interest is not genuine, the other person would likely not be a viable candidate for you anyway.

If you are depressed, you are going to have to do some acting. A depressed expression, tone of voice and mannerisms are not attractive features. Although it is possible to elicit sympathetic attraction in the immediate moment, the effect quickly wanes, and no one wants to be around negative energy. It drags the other person down also. You must affect positivity even if you don't feel it, and try to hold out long enough for the friendship and companionship you engender with the other person to generate enough actual positive energy to lift your mood naturally. Eventually, you may be able to relax your guard because you actually won't feel as depressed due to the presence of the other person.

If on first contact you find that you like someone but discover that their interests lie in a field you know nothing about, spend some time before your next interaction learning about that field. (The Internet is your Friend.) Not only will this give you grist for conversation, it will also demonstrate that you are interested enough in the person to go to the trouble to learn about the person's interests.

If all of this sounds one-sided, it may be at the start, but if you are able to kindle a bona fide relationship, then the other person will want to reciprocate eventually - that's what relationships do.

Next time you try talking to someone who looks attractive to you, set yourself aside and focus on her. See if your luck improves.

And put on a nice new shirt, or a tie, or a fetching hat or something. Being a snappy dresser never hurt anything. Men stopped really properly wearing hats after Kennedy became president, and it's too bad.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think attraction comes after a more friend connection usually. I don’t think appearances are the key as long as you are clean and well groomed, good hygiene and all that. My exhusband was totally charismatic and people were attracted to him, because he was super interested in everyone and warm to them—but was the opposite of the stereotype male “good looking “ (short, bald, etc), it just didn’t matter and I learned a lot from that. Get to know someone better before you write them off, cultivate a real interest in them and you become more attractive to others. Takes time I know. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

from a woman's (also a feminist's) point of view:
 

rejection or acceptance from a woman is not something you should depend on for self worth and value -- non-men are not obligated to "like" you, just as men are obligated to "like" non-men.. i apologize if that comes off harsh, and it's not meant to be, but it seems that you are (to an extent) looking at women for your lack of "chemistry" with ppl of a different gender. it is possible that you *are* connecting with some of these people but as you said, you cannot feel chemistry on *your* part.

 

somewhat of an aside: describing women as "beautiful ladies" and then referring to the people they are with as ugly or whatever is a bit objectifying and places value solely on physical characteristics alone. it sounds kinda the "i'm a nice guy, the other guys are douchebags, why won't women date me?" trope. try showing that you are a nice guy rather than expecting people will know that. developing an emotional connection isn't easy and generally it's not immediate. men in general can be scary to a lot of non-men; this is not your fault!

Edited by sugjesstive
Link to comment
Share on other sites

To be honest, as a woman, I have found "beautiful ladies" to be as fascinating as a puddle of water. Are you sure you're not being a little biased here, and ignoring less-than-beautiful women? Are you saying less beautiful isn't good enough for you? If so, you're being a royal dick. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

10 hours ago, sugjesstive said:

from a woman's (also a feminist's) point of view:
 

rejection or acceptance from a woman is not something you should depend on for self worth and value -- non-men are not obligated to "like" you, just as men are obligated to "like" non-men.. i apologize if that comes off harsh, and it's not meant to be, but it seems that you are (to an extent) looking at women for your lack of "chemistry" with ppl of a different gender. it is possible that you *are* connecting with some of these people but as you said, you cannot feel chemistry on *your* part.

 

somewhat of an aside: describing women as "beautiful ladies" and then referring to the people they are with as ugly or whatever is a bit objectifying and places value solely on physical characteristics alone. it sounds kinda the "i'm a nice guy, the other guys are douchebags, why won't women date me?" trope. try showing that you are a nice guy rather than expecting people will know that. developing an emotional connection isn't easy and generally it's not immediate. men in general can be scary to a lot of non-men; this is not your fault!

I might be a douchebag but that was some record player rhetoric that gave me brain cancer.

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Maybe that's a blessing. girls suck. jk ( am i tho ) 

Being serious tho, Have you talked to your therapist about this?  

Attraction comes in difference ways, and it doesn't have to come in physical appearance and it can be really hard finding someone to connect with , what do you enjoy doing? etc By you maybe being in certain places you like going to , you will find people at the same places, they will like the same stuff as you and you will have a better chance of connecting with them etc. stuff like that. 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

12 hours ago, getouttamyway.exe said:

I might be a douchebag but that was some record player rhetoric that gave me brain cancer.

 

you're a douchebag :) maybe when you hear the record again you'll understand that's the way things are? maybe ask your gf what she thinks about this post and my reply. making light of brain cancer is pretty chill too....

Edited by sugjesstive
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...
On 10/25/2017 at 4:19 AM, isbipo said:

I don't get this is this part of the illness or is it meds?, is it me?, is it because i'm slight overweight? but i see very ugly guys hang out with very beautiful ladies!!  , i don't get that physical attraction with girls it feels flat there s no chemistry or connection when i talk to a woman and i feel the same for,her side like she doesn't feel a damn thing too; i hate my life cuz of this i'm done trying it hurts so much I feel worthless and valueless; f**k my damn luck.

Hi, isbipo

If this has been a change it might have to do with the meds or the illness. Those can affect lots of parts of life, but I also think that interacting with potential romantic partners is a skill. I meet plenty of people who are just starting to develop that skill, and I have friends like that, too. There are lots of women who would find you cute when you are slightly overweight. The basic recipe is meeting single women that you would be compatible with and then having a good interaction with them. If you want a relationship just for the sake of having one that will likely work against you in your efforts to find a compatible person to date.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...