I'm Closeted Lesbian In A Bit Of A Predicament

[Caroline]

I am a lesbian who comes from a somewhat conservative family.  Even though I have not come out, my mother has been on me for my entire life about how I'm supposed to "stop acting like a guy" because of the way that I come across to others.  The thought of coming out to her is impossible, especially when my parents both use slurs on a regular basis.  I'm not necessarily sure that they would outright disown me if I were to come out, but they certainly would be very upset about it and probably would just become very angry.  I like women, which is my secret...... but my aversion to anything fashion related is quite impossible to hide.  And my constantly comments about how I'm supposed to "look pretty" but that isn't how I want to look.  We have had arguments about this sort of thing for my whole life growing up.  I'm now 19, and I just don't know what to do.

I've dated guys growing up, but I didn't really want to.  In fact, the thought of being with men made me sick.  Yet I had sex with them several times during the time I was 18 until now.  I just felt like my Mom was pushing me so to "have a husband and get married".  Yet I think she knows but just can't stomach the thought that I like WOMEN and not men.  It's horrible, but my family means so much to me and I just don't know what to do.

 

[Rabbit37]

I'm sorry. I have no words of wisdom, but as a mom of two teens (my daughter might be bi, not sure exactly) and a 30yo, I'm just so saddened that parents can't be supportive. I dunno, I learned long ago to distance myself within reason of family. I'm cordial, that's about it. Friendships are more important. Do you have anyone in your life that will support you? 

Reminded of a quote I once saw, I'm not religious, but it resounded... "friends are god's apology for family". 

I hope you can find outside support as I wish that you can move forward.

just an aside, if something happened to my husband, or divorce, I would never date a man again. Just sayin'.