So I’ve recently had my heart broken by someone I thougth was the love of my life. The way he ended the relationship was disrespectful, disregarding our years together and just overal shattered my heart into a million pieces.
The first two weeks I was going on fine, I kept myself busy, I was barely home and I didn’t give myself the time to even think about it. It has been in the last week that it has really hit me. How much I invested into the relationship, only to find out that I was the only one. How much love I still have and have had for this man, only to find out that he didn’t feel the same. How many years I’ve spent building something together, memories, a life, only to be all taken away in a second.
I think what hurts the most, is the when I realized how easily he ended things. Withouth remorse, without so much as a blink of an eye. That really made me realize how little I ment to him. And that’s what hurts the most. Someone being your whole world, and you not being even a speck of theirs.
How could I not see it all along? My friend told me, that it’s because I really did and still do love him. I couldn’t see that he was not as invested as I was. She didn’t see it either.
How do you guys deal with heartbreak? I haven’t been able to eat, sleep or think straight since it happend. And the urges of a relapse are really really strong. I’ve already relapsed in my eating, I don’t want to do it in SI too.
What is something that helped you through a rough breakup? When you feel really worthless, unimportant and just broken?
It's the third day of December and I decided I wanted to do this thing called 'No cut December'. I want to recover from self harm, and help others along the way as we get through this journey together.
So for the whole month of December, let's try to stay clean. It's a quite a challenge but I'm sure we can do it.
I have been sick for the past few days. My mom was taking care of me and she rolled up my hoodie sleeve and saw my scars. She questioned them and I didn't reply. Then she told me she is not mad, she just wants me to be happy. She took away my razors and told my dad. Both my parents reacted very calm about it, I'm so grateful and blessed to have parents like this. They don't want me to be stressed. They don't want to see me like this.
My mom suggested other coping mechanisms. She also said I could talk to her anytime if something is bothering me.
I might be able to get a counselor sometime.
Yesterday was my homecoming dance. It wasn't really that happy, though. One of my best friends danced and hung out with the guy I had a crush on for years. Before I convinced myself I was completely over him, but apparently I wasn't. I saw their interactions, how happy they were. I wouldn't say I was jealous, I was just heartbroken.
But my other best friends cheered me up. We danced and it was a good time.
After we went into the bathroom to talk not including my other best friend who was still hanging out with my crush. My chest felt heavy the whole time, I hid it with a smile. My other best friends knew what I was feeling, we tried comforting each other.
When I got home last night, I REALLY wanted to self harm. I held the blade up to my skin, but couldn't do it. I sat there for about an hour trying, it didn't work. So I ended up falling asleep.
This morning I woke up, felt like complete crap. The emotions were so strong, as well as the urge to cut myself.
Well, now I have twenty more cuts on my arm.