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pinkfloydforeverlove

What is the worst symptom of your depression?

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The worst symptom of my depression is loneliness. I'm depressed because I'm lonely and lonely because I'm depressed. Then those horrible, horrible self-loathing thoughts come in and I'm playing  a game with Death. What about you?

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Anhedonia is my worst symptom. I have the kind that has passed not being able to enjoy things I used to. I have never enjoyed anything, and I get enjoyment and pleasure from absolutely nothing. 

Besides that, preoccupations with death and suicide. I waste all of my little energy on controlling those and restricting suicidal behaviour, even when staying alive makes no sense to me and I have to put up with horrible life circumstances. 

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@pinkfloydforeverlove Loneliness is a big one...feelings of isolation, like no one understands, lack of support. The constant intrusive negative ruminations that tell me I'm worthless, everything is hopeless, I'm never going to be happy, loved or find purpose in this life. And then most days I also deal with anhedonia that strips away any pleasure or motivation, making everything feel pointless.

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I'm mostly in remission from my depression but like others have said I'm very lonely because it's hard for me to interact with others because of my MI and being an introvert. Then the judgmental thoughts come. I've made a lot of progress in the past 5 years but I still have social anxiety and hate having to conceal my illness.

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4 hours ago, Blahblah said:

The constant intrusive negative ruminations that tell me I'm worthless, everything is hopeless, I'

Those negative ruminations!  They suck!

For me,the worst thing is the regression into a state where I feel completely abandoned and completely separate from everything and everybody. Absolutely no connection to anyone.  And then the anxiety and panic get really strong and,like I said,the ruminations : it will alwaysbe this way,you're worthles,everyone hates you, everyone else has a better and more important life than you, your kids are doomed and IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!!!???

So I  guess I can't separate out what's the worst because it's all jumbled together. 

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1 hour ago, CeremonyNewOrder said:

I've made a lot of progress in the past 5 years but I still have social anxiety and hate having to conceal my illness.

I'm happy to hear about your progress! I have made a lot of progress,too in the past year. But the problems are still there,aren't they? They pop back up regularly. 

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my confidence is mostly gone, I miss being confidence, and having good thoughts about myself.. like that I'm smart and funny and I can do this..... 

loneliness is also a big part for me, I'm mostly alone in my room . . also anhedonia, lack of motivation and blaming myself for where I'm now, the ability to work hard..... but I'm not going to give up on trying to change these things! 

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7 minutes ago, grab your bag said:

but I'm not going to give up on trying to change these things! 

??

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For me, it's the apathy ― the numbness. When I get deep down in it and I can't feel good, bad or otherwise. The loneliness, at least for me, isn't as bad. I struggle with socialization as is due to my SA and I'm naturally introverted anyway, so it's less of a loss to me.

Edited by zisforzyprexa

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Loneliness and isolation. I feel very alone and helpless to change it. Depression makes it hard to get out of the house, and I feel like I have nothing (positive) to say so I really struggle to make friends or connect with people beyond a very superficial level. Not having friends or a partner or a family makes me feel alone and isolated and feeds the depression and the negative voices in my head. Vicious circle.

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It's a tossup between anhedonia and psychosis (the latter which happens only occasionally and only when the depression is very severe). The anhedonia can be present regardless, so maybe anhedonia, but psychosis is scary as hell at times. The anhedonia is so pervasive throughout my life that all I can do is sleep some days. I find myself more like this if I allow myself to become lonely and isolated for an extended bit of time. We live pretty much in the middle of nowhere, but one of my best friends lives just up the road from me; however, he also suffers from depression, and he often isolates himself by choice when he feels depressed. So when I can't spend time with friends is also a time when I go on a down-swing, and it's recursive.

I wish all the best to all of you. We all deserve happiness in our lives.

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1 hour ago, mikl_pls said:

It's a tossup between anhedonia and psychosis (the latter which happens only occasionally and only when the depression is very severe). The anhedonia can be present regardless, so maybe anhedonia, but psychosis is scary as hell at times. The anhedonia is so pervasive throughout my life that all I can do is sleep some days. I find myself more like this if I allow myself to become lonely and isolated for an extended bit of time. We live pretty much in the middle of nowhere, but one of my best friends lives just up the road from me; however, he also suffers from depression, and he often isolates himself by choice when he feels depressed. So when I can't spend time with friends is also a time when I go on a down-swing, and it's recursive.

I wish all the best to all of you. We all deserve happiness in our lives.

Anhedonia for me, Anhedonia leads me to become extremely restless and agitated to the point I have to try and find something to do, but with Anhedonia, what can you do?

You and I are lucky in that regard then that you have a friend close by...

I never really had a large social circle, but I've had two close friends living in the same town for a decade with me and that can help...

The sad part is most people nowadays are isolated thanks to social media...so we're not alone in being alone.  I watch so many people living on Facebook and Instagrahm, etc....

I wish we could go back to smaller communities sometimes...

Edited by BrianOCD

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Anger and insomnia.  I tend to be atypically depressed with agitation and major anxiety.  Having anger + insomnia + fixating on an issue=bad thoughts that don't stop.  It becomes a horrible cycle.

Finding good combination of meds that keep me on even keel has been hard.

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Feelings of inadequacy and self-hate. Sometimes, all I can think about is how I'm not measuring up to everyone else. 

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I'm in partial remission, and  at this point my two worst symptoms are anhedonia and fatigue. These are also the symptoms that haven't responded to any of the things I've tried

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Apathy. Anhedonia. Lack of motivation. Suicidal ideation. Those are the main ones that cause me the most trouble and are very, very, very hard to treat. Abilify helps somewhat with the apathy and anhedonia, but it is far from perfect. Tegretol helps with the suicidal ideation, and it is very effective.

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Interesting comments. I don't even register loneliness, as IRL I don't socialize, very much content with being a loner.

what bothers me the most is the hypersomnia. Seems like all I do is drift from bed to sofa and back to bed. 

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8 hours ago, jt07 said:

Suicidal ideation.

Add that to my list... :x

Edited by mikl_pls

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