White Zinfindel and Ambien

[nancycarol]

I have been sober for three days. This is the first time I have posted on here though I have lurked for years. I am bipolar. I take so many drugs it's difficult to remember all of them.  The major ones are the nighttime ones. 800 of Seroquel, 10 Ambien, trazodone, Topamax, Lamictal. I started drinking about 3 years ago. Just a glass of wine occasionally. Then I started buying it by the box. One glass in the evening became two, then three. I made myself wait until five pm before taking a drink and never allowed myself to drive afterward so I thought I was doing fine. I live alone. I have no children, no husband, etc. In June of this year, 2017, my niece died of an overdose. It hit me very hard.  Instead of one box of wine I started buying 2. In the last couple of months I  decided it was okay to start drinking at 3 instead of 5. When I talked to my friends on the phone I was sure my voice wasn't slurred and that they had no idea I was drinking too much. Before bed I started downing my pills with about 8 ounces of wine. To be honest, which I'm trying to be, it was more like 12. I would just chug it down. Last week a friend spent the night. She heard me fall from the bed and came to check on me. She couldn't wake me. She managed to get me back into bed and left me to sleep it off. Thursday night I had hallucinations. People visiting me, etc. Friday I called a friend who is an alcoholic and bipolar but hasn't had a drink in 13 years. He took me to an AA meeting. I was very uncomfortable there. I kept thinking that I was not like these people. I had never had a DUI, I wasn't there under a court order, I hadn't lost my children. I had only almost killed myself several times. 

It's late. I needed to talk. I couldn't tell anyone all of this. Maybe they would judge or worry or stick me in a hospital. I talked to a few of them but couldn't tell them the really bad stuff. 

Thanks for listening.

 

 

[Gearhead]

Hi, nancycarol. Welcome to CB. 

I’m glad you’re here and willing to talk, and I'm so sorry about your niece. I’m glad you’ve gotten to a point where you want to be honest, with yourself and with other people. Our nighttime meds are pretty similar, and I’m not at all surprised your friend couldn’t wake you the other night. I know what happens if I have a couple of drinks before bed. We call that sort of combo “die like a rock star” territory. 

We don’t like it when our members die. So you should live. See how easy that was?

I imagine you’ll get more responses tomorrow. In the meantime, again, welcome. Please PM me or any of the other mods if you need help navigating the site.

Gearhead 

[nancycarol]

On ‎12‎/‎4‎/‎2017 at 1:29 AM, Gearhead said:

Hi, nancycarol. Welcome to CB. 

I’m glad you’re here and willing to talk, and I'm so sorry about your niece. I’m glad you’ve gotten to a point where you want to be honest, with yourself and with other people. Our nighttime meds are pretty similar, and I’m not at all surprised your friend couldn’t wake you the other night. I know what happens if I have a couple of drinks before bed. We call that sort of combo “die like a rock star” territory. 

We don’t like it when our members die. So you should live. See how easy that was?

I imagine you’ll get more responses tomorrow. In the meantime, again, welcome. Please PM me or any of the other mods if you need help navigating the site.

Gearhead 

 

[nancycarol]

 

Thanks Gearhead for your kind words. It's been two weeks now and I have been going it alone. Tonight is the worst yet. I am all alone. I want to get into my car and drive to the liquor store. Hell the grocery down the street sells wine. I was so angry earlier. Pacing and cursing. 20mg of Valium helped. Now I just feel hopeless. it's 1:30am here. I think I will take my meds and try to sleep. I don't even know why I'm doing this. It's like talking to my family, nobody cares.

 

[TakeAChillPill]

26 minutes ago, nancycarol said:

 

Thanks Gearhead for your kind words. It's been two weeks now and I have been going it alone. Tonight is the worst yet. I am all alone. I want to get into my car and drive to the liquor store. Hell the grocery down the street sells wine. I was so angry earlier. Pacing and cursing. 20mg of Valium helped. Now I just feel hopeless. it's 1:30am here. I think I will take my meds and try to sleep. I don't even know why I'm doing this. It's like talking to my family, nobody cares.

 

Hey.  Despite it being 2:55am here I'm awake due to sleeping at my mom's house with my cat- a cat that is singing me the song of her people and has been for hours.  She doesn't want to be here.  MEOW.  

Anyways I am sorry you're struggling.  Please don't OD.  There are crisis lines you can call that are free.  

It's a bad time of year for the lonely and blue.   Hang in there.  

Edited December 17, 2017 by TakeAChillPill

[protectmepls]

I have a different type of addiction. An eating disorder. Have had problems with binge eating my entire life. I can relate to how you were feeling at that AA meeting. When I hear others talk about how and why they binge, it reinforces feelings of hopelessness and doom because I don't think we're alike. 

Try to use logic instead of emotions; something I need to do too. 

Your friend took you to AA because they're worried and so are you because you reached out to them. Reaching out means you want to get better, you know you're not well, and you've identified that you have a problem. It's an addiction. 

I don't know how to beat addiction but don't let this discourage you. I'm trying to find my way around this too.

In that AA meeting maybe their circumstances were different but their method of coping is all the same: drinking. Try to understand their side and they will do the same and perhaps through all of this chaos and confusion and desperation, you will find some support in those strangers. Sometimes when you're giving advice, you're using your logical mind to assess the problem, and maybe that kind of critical thinking can make you think differently about your situation.

Maybe there will be a solution for you in AA, perhaps not. But who can know for sure? One of many issues I have with recovery is closemindedness and prejudging situations. When we do this, we are making things worse because we've already established a negative outlook and we will keep searching for ways to prove our theories. 

As for medication.

Drinking can affect medication and counter the therapeutic effects. I think you know this already though.

Another medication I know of is Naltrexone which could you may combine with Wellbutrin (Buproprion) this is commonly used in smokers and binge eaters so why not alcoholics? Also, the good thing about Wellbutrin is that it's an antidepressant that doesn't cause episodes in individuals with bipolar. 

I'm thinking out loud.