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Hello there, my name is Spokety.  I"m having trouble dealing with my paranoia.  I've been hospitalized way too many times in the past couple of years, especially recently.  My symptoms are hard to treat because I'll have 0 paranoia and delusions for months and then all of a sudden I'll believe all these things and next thing I know I'm in a hospital.  I've ran down the street naked a couple of times as a "protest" for what I believed was a government that was purposely trying to torture me using anti-psychotics.  Another time I tried to go to jail by assaulting a woman in a grocery store.  It happens so fast it's so hard for me to control myself and it seems pointless to see a therapist because I'm not paranoid at this moment so I don't know what to talk about.  Therapists say that they don't think I can be treated without anti-psychotic medication but I've had some of my worst paranoid thoughts when I was taking medication orally or by injection so clearly that's not a solution.  Plus I have side effects of medications that make life a living hell and I'd rather die then live like that.  The only medication that doesn't seem to be as damaging is anti-anxiety meds, but I don't know if those will even help with paranoia or delusions.  I don't hear voices or have hallucinations which is good, but the other things I have are very bad.

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I decompensate very quickly also. I feel totally clear and quite suddenly I find myself delusional, afraid and behaving irrationally. I often end up in the hospital too. 

Have you tried different antipsychotic meds or just one kind? I think they are all so different. Which have you tried? 

 

 

Edited by paintedsky
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On 12/6/2017 at 5:47 PM, paintedsky said:

I decompensate very quickly also. I feel totally clear and quite suddenly I find myself delusional, afraid and behaving irrationally. I often end up in the hospital too. 

Have you tried different antipsychotic meds or just one kind? I think they are all so different. Which have you tried? 

 

 

I have tried a lot but I'm convinced my body has a chemical reaction to anti-psychotics that puts me in a state of torture.  I don't think any anti-psychotic will change this feeling.  I've been off meds for a while now and I still feel the same which proves that I've been damaged somehow by the medicine.

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This more likely has something to do with dopamine as working with it happens in every antipsychotic. Without a meds list and a list of what did not work (doses are nice, too) I can't say anything else. That would help other posters, too.  

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  • 3 months later...
On 12/7/2017 at 7:13 PM, notloki said:

This more likely has something to do with dopamine as working with it happens in every antipsychotic. Without a meds list and a list of what did not work (doses are nice, too) I can't say anything else. That would help other posters, too.  

Why would a meds list make a difference?  I've tried like 7 different and they've all affected me the same way.

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13 hours ago, Iceberg said:

-so we know so we don't just repeat stuff Uve already tried 

But just because it didn't work for me doesn't mean it wont work for you guys.  There are plenty of people out there who use Seroquel for example successfully, but for me it was torture.

 

51 minutes ago, paintedsky said:

I understand how you could compare antipsychotics to poison. I agree they can have horrible side effects.

 

Ya it's pretty bad.  I've been off of it for a couple of months since I was last hospitalized.  I got off of of the first time a couple of years ago but I kept getting re hospitalizing.  How about you?

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I've never been very med compliant. I know it's irresponsible and that's why I am in the hospital a lot. I'm always trying to go without meds. Sometimes it's been years between hospitalizations but sometimes it's only months.

I know I'd be better off if I took medication regularly but I always hope I can catch an episode and start taking meds then instead of taking them everyday. It doesn't really work if you look at my history but I keep trying. Playing with fire.

I worry if I do get hospitalized much more they will end up requiring me to take shots. I have heard of that happening to people..

Edited by paintedsky
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I go from totally fine to delusional very quickly too. Just happened in fact. But I'm lucky that Zyprexa works for me and I've managed to get by without hospital (that's a big deal for me!). I'm sorry that you've had bad luck with antipsychotics. Do they simply not work or is the problem the side effects?

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 3/11/2018 at 1:33 PM, aura said:

I go from totally fine to delusional very quickly too. Just happened in fact. But I'm lucky that Zyprexa works for me and I've managed to get by without hospital (that's a big deal for me!). I'm sorry that you've had bad luck with antipsychotics. Do they simply not work or is the problem the side effects?

They work with paranoia and stuff, but the side effects are terrible: 

- Inability to experience pleasure, joy, happiness, sadness, or any type of emotions.

- No motivation, willpower, or desire to do anything.

- Zero sex drive.

- No appetite and never feel truly hungry anymore. Can go for days without food and when I do eat it tastes like plastic

- Extreme boredom. Nothing I do can change this.

- Can't read anything longer then a couple of sentences.  Can't understand TV show or movies.

- Memory problems. Both short term and long term

- Music sounds flat.  Don't enjoy it.

- Difficulty finding things to say in a conversation. Can't hold a conversation, and can't say what I want to say.

I've tried like 6 different anti-psychotics for 2 months one after another and they all made me feel this way.  There was not difference.  It was pure torture, and I would have rather slept during that time then actually lived.  I still feel the same way now even though I've been off meds for 3 months, and last time I was off off for 6 months before I was hospitalized again.

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