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Using my ED to lose the weight I gained from meds


mona

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I don't know if this will trigger, but better safe than sorry.  I'm bipolar and I have an ED.  I'm abinge eater, compulsive eater, and I have tendincies towards "bulimia NOS" as I call it.  After a period of overeating/binging I'll starve myself and over excercise.  But I don't use laxitives or make myself throw up.

Anyways, I was in therapy for my ED last year.  I learned a lot, she made me see my ED clearly for the first time.  But here's  the problem.  Since then, I've put on 90 freaking pounds.  In just over a year. I was 150 and now I'm 240. I know that part of it is the meds - I started taking them at the same time.  But here is what I really think the problem is.  For most of my life - over 20 years, the way I kept my weight down was through my ED.  It's the only way I know how.

For months I've told myself "hey, great!  You must really have your ED in control. Otherwise there would be NO WAY you could be this fat without wanting to die"  But you know what?  I really don't want to be this fat anymore.  I mean, people have to get out of my way when I walk by them!!  I sit in a chair and I feel like I can barely fit!  So anyways, I've made a conscious effort to use my ED to lose weight.  I spent hours this weekend making up a little chart of the "fat people" to "skinny people" and in between.  I catch myself starting to count a lot.  "If I lose 8 pounds a month, it will take me, this long to reach my weight.  If I lose 10 pounds a month, it will take..." Blah, blah, you all understand. 

After a week it is going well.  I feel better physically and my self esteem is higher.  But I am confused.  Iknow I'm shouldn't be doing this, but what is the alternative?  Croaking from obesity five years from now?? 

Any ideas? 

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are you eating healthily, i.e. getting enough nutrients?

it sounds like losing weight is necessary for you, unless you see yourself as larger than you are BECAUSE of the ED....

but....

I presume you are binging and purging? which is, as I'm sure you know, unhealthy on many counts....

do you know what is behind your ED behaviours? what its about emotionally for you? (as in control/ownership of your body/? etc)

maybe there's a way of utilising the strengths....i.e. clear planning, of your strategies, but to develop healthier eating AND lose weight? does that make any sense?

(btw, I see myself as ED NOS too...but in the anorexic sense)

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HI mona...

Typical reply to any BP person whose weight goes up or fluctuates with or without an eating disorder.. Thyroid.

A Good Doctor always checks thyroid regularly if you are diagnosed BP.

Thyroid can plump you up faster than binge eating... 1-2 pounds every couple days. If you have not checked it out, please do so. I had to ask when my jeans got a little too snug and other funny things started to happen...

I  know eating is a form of stress relief but after is a stress inducer. Meds help to stop this.  Ask Doc to get meds to help or he or she can enrol you in a clinic for this disorder.(available free in Canada). Frosty 

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