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Azzer

I want to live my life like a boy

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I am born as a female, but I cannot say that I am 100% female. I dress like a girl and hates having breasts. But, that's not the reason. I have never felt completely like a girl. I feel uncomfortable in situations where a group has to be split into male and female. I use the word "female" only because it is closest to what I think I am.
I have been through this my entire life. But, this has been an issue for the past few months. I can't stand next to a girl. I feel boyish and want to hang out with boys. I have my girlfriend, who cannot understand my love because I look like a girl in the outward appearance.
I want to live like a boy. I want to cut my hair short and have my breasts removed. But, my parents are against it. I am sure that I cannot live up to their expectations. I am thinking about having a female to male procedure. What do you guys think about it? Is this a personality disorder? I feel like ending my life.

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I am currently dating a female to male transgender. I have never dated females and don't view him as a female. Please don't end your life. Pursue your happiness and if being a boy on the outside as you are within is your key then don't let people stand in your way of that. If they truly love you they will accept you as you are. If you'd like to talk further message me!! 

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Some people who are assigned female at birth end up actually feeling/being male or both male and female or no gender at all. It’s not necessarily a symptom of a personality disorder or anything like that. It might just be that your gender isn’t what people put on you when you were born. Are there any gender support groups or anything like that near you? LGBT centres sometimes have them and it might give you somewhere safe to talk about your feelings about your gender and try to sort it out. 

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On 12/17/2017 at 3:26 AM, tryp said:

Some people who are assigned female at birth end up actually feeling/being male or both male and female or no gender at all. It’s not necessarily a symptom of a personality disorder or anything like that. It might just be that your gender isn’t what people put on you when you were born. Are there any gender support groups or anything like that near you? LGBT centres sometimes have them and it might give you somewhere safe to talk about your feelings about your gender and try to sort it out. 

As a trans person, I strongly second this advice. If you are questioning your gender, try to find some support to help you sort things out. A gender support group or a gender therapist if you have access would be great. If you have no support in real life, there are groups online. If you are on Facebook, there are many FTM (female-to-male) transgender groups. If you are on reddit, check out /r/FTM. 

It is possible for a mental illness to make you feel trans, but this is less common than actually being trans. This is worth talking to your doctor about if you have one who is supportive and knowledgeable.

You're not alone. Good luck.

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It's called gender dysphoria, and it doesn't mean you're crazy. The treatment is generally therapy, and after evaluation, transition, if that's what you want. Its not the fastest process, nor something to take lightly.

I'm a transman :) and I started hormones Feb 28, 2017. (Testosterone, T) I give myself injections weekly, a nurse at the office I go to taught me, after being approved. Honestly, its not painful, except T is suspended in oil, so it hurts your thumb to push on the plunger, heh. My nurse showed me what to do for the first shot (I use my thighs, most guys do) and supervised me for 5 more, then sent me on my own with supplies. Every 3 months I pick up a new pack of syringes, needles, etc.. its single use, and its awesome they supply them for their patients. (My healthcare centre is mostly LGBT patients, awesome)

I had been with one of their therapists for about 7 years, and cleared for hormones (HRT) years before. But its a huge decision. I'm much happier. Most of the time I pass as male.. its almost been a year, and I'm light blond, so facial hair is hard to see. (Don't. dye. it.)

Starting T, well, you go through puberty again, but as a male.. your voice cracks, zits.. but it wasn't like the hell puberty as the wrong gender was.. 

It takes forever, but its better that than regretting it. If you have questions, I'll answer as best I can.. my pdoc was as excited about me going on T as I was. He advocated for me. I've been more stable, all things considered (tragedy in the family) and on less meds.. and therapy, meeting with doctors, wasn't about "when I was a child I..." It was much more interesting, my endo is fucking amazing, and my PCP (shes a nurse practitioner, specializes in healthcare for transmen and transwomen) is also amazing.

My endo first appointment was talking about hobbies, my life, school, my pdocs letter (he said he had never seen a doc advocate like mine did for me, I said I had no problem consenting to share information) and after a really fast hour (but he said it in the first 10 minutes) he wrote the Rx, asked if I wanted the shot that day, as I was a perfect candidate.. then paperwork, because some effects are permanent, informed consent, etc.. I went to the pharmacy, and on and on..

You could cut your hair if you wanted.. I never had long hair because it always tangled, a lot over summer, swimming, horseback riding (competing it had to be hidden, hairnets.. all riders required.. ugh) and as a welder, well, (not joking) there was risk of it catching on fire if I forgot to hide it.. An undercut (I have a side swept one) is really popular, if you have longer hair, and your parents aren't sure, there are "female variations".. it has a million variations, and you can wear any of them any way.. I love my undercut. My parents were used to me showing up with blue.. purple.. etc.. hair.. no hair.. so they love this style! 

I've always preferred short hair on myself, and my mom prefers short hair on herself, so we've never had issues over how my hair was done.. I'd flip through for-men's haircut books, as a kid, because they were less maintenance and cleaner looking than the one's in the for-womens books.. and they always turned out better.. 

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